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Default TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-21-2012, 10:35 AM

Landover has a long tradition of warning True Christians™ about the dangers of fruits and vegetables. We were the first to warn Christians about vegetable assisted rape and Pastor Deacon Fred was the first who warned America about vegetable based porn targeting innocent children.

Now it is time to warn Christians for the most horrible of all: TOMATOES!

It goes without saying that these communist red tomatoes are unfit for consumption (Romans 14:2). It's not even possible to figure out whether they are fruit or vegetable. It takes days to get rid of their horrible taste. The breath of someone who ate tomatoes is enough to make one puke.

Traitor Colonel Robert Gibbon Johnson of Salem, New Jersey (no surprise there) brought the tomato home from abroad in 1808. Up until the end of the eighteenth century, physicians warned against eating tomatoes, knowing they caused not only appendicitis but also stomach cancer from tomato skins adhering to the lining of the stomach. Then democrats hid the evidence and started spreading the lie that tomatoes are healthy. The primary reason that fast food causes death is the tomatoes. If you remove the tomatoes, all that is left is very healthy American food!

Tomatoes are nightshade plants, plants that only grow when it is completely dark, which shows us that tomatoes are created by Satan. It can be no coincidence the Bible never mentions tomatoes. Tomatoes were clearly introduced by Satan after 1611.

Since our patriotic TSA has made it impossible for armed freedom hating terrorists to enter America, terrorists have now switched to tomatoes. Unfortunately the TSA body scanners have not been adapted to this new reality, so only very thorough pat downs will keep America safe! Tomato size objects will have to be inserted into people's orifices to make sure they are not hiding tomatoes. A small price to pay to keep America safe.

Terrorists could even bring along tomato seeds to grow their own weapons! So clearly gardening, which is a gay habit anyway, has to be outlawed as soon as possible. It will surprise no one that Obama is completely ignoring this threat to America.

One of many victims of tomato terrorism:


Terrorist instruction on using tomatoes against Christians. It even says
"If you don’t spread this message, know that it is the devil who stopped you”.
So you can be sure every terrorist on the planet has read this:



Don't let the terrorists win by giving innocent children filthy tomatoes:


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Last edited by Cranky Old Man; 06-22-2012 at 06:39 AM. Reason: Added more information on the horror that is tomatoes
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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-21-2012, 11:16 AM

I am surprised that it is even necessary to add this warning. Tomatoes have been banned from the Bathfire house for over 300 years.

Just think of it: your dear wife or daughter will put this hard, round abomination to their innocent lips, press lightly with the teeth and then have an explosion of a slimey goo invade her mouth even to the back of her throat.

I cannot think of a True Christian™ man who would approve of such a thing!




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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-21-2012, 03:51 PM

I put catsup on my freedom fries. That's about as close to a tomato as I'm ever going to get.


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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-21-2012, 09:35 PM

Tomatoes also contain the lethal carcinogen "Vitamin" C. The C actually stands for cancer and was aptly adopted as code by the military to classify this deadly chemical weapon of mass destruction. In the hands of terrorists, the tomato pathogen laced with the deadly biotoxin Vitamin C have been thrown as weapons of war. Before you click the link, understand that war is a gory practice, and not for the eyes of women or children under the age of seventeen.

When thrust forcefully into the anus, tomatoes have been known to rupture spontaneously, causing internal bleeding and infection.


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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-21-2012, 09:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins View Post
...When thrust forcefully into the anus, tomatoes have been known to rupture spontaneously, causing internal bleeding and infection.
Quandary time. This sounds rather far-fetched, thus my natural inclination is ask for a source for this information, but then...

I don't wanna know.



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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-22-2012, 12:18 AM

Tomatoes are Italian and therefore "ethnic" food.

All ethnic food is banned in Freehold because it hottens the blood.

Italians are known whores and philanderers. Just take a look at Snooki, The Situation, Ricky Ricardo and Chef Boyardee.

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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-22-2012, 01:52 AM

Tomatoes are actually poisonous, and many religious scholars suspect that the fruit of sin that Eve ate (and subsequently tricked Adam into eating ) was not an apple but a tomato (aka satan's apples)!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-22-2012, 02:27 AM

Tomatoes DO have one very good use, and that is to let them rot in the sun and use them as demos for our children when teaching about Obama's leftist views and how rotting fetus corpses from abortions are casually thrown around in every ER waiting room by black, lazy, fat-butted, gold-toothed nurses hired by Affirmative Action to pass the time in always-sad games of catch. It's like that in every hospital in the country now--except for Freehold--again, thanks to Obama.

Tomatoes are a great object lesson of this sad truth. So don't neglect them totally. Use them to teach your vulnerable children. No one in our church (or even in our remote community) would dare subscribe to Obama-care after seeing and smelling these hideous things.



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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-22-2012, 03:20 AM

Worst of all are the "cherry" tomatoes. You take one in, bite down, and its juices explode all inside your mouth. It brings back far too many memories of the time before I was Saved™ and cured of my homosexurality. I'm sure growing "cherry" tomatoes is part of the Radical Gay Agenda. They want to condition our young sons to having strangers ejaculate into their mouths with these perverse vegetables. It's truly sickening.


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And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-22-2012, 06:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
...many religious scholars suspect that the fruit of sin that Eve ate (and subsequently tricked Adam into eating ) was not an apple but a tomato (aka satan's apples)!
Quote:
"The word "tomato" may refer to the plant (Solanum lycopersicum) or the edible, typically red, fruit that it bears. Originating in South America, the tomato was spread around the world following the Spanish colonization of the Americas..."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomato
Uh, you're claiming the Garden of Eden was in South America, now?



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Malice in Wonderland is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Malice in Wonderland is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Malice in Wonderland is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Malice in Wonderland is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Malice in Wonderland is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-23-2012, 12:16 AM

You're a mormon. Need I say more?
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Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
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Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-23-2012, 12:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malice in Wonderland View Post
You're a mormon. Need I say more?
Who are you insulting now? Still haven't figured out the Quote feature?


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 06-23-2012, 02:50 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Who are you insulting now? Still haven't figured out the Quote feature?
Are you a mormon, Rev. Rodimer? Did you convert?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 08-27-2012, 10:20 PM

It's not just the red tomatoes you have to be careful of. The green ones are somehow tied to feminist race-mixing indoctrination movies:

Fried Green Tomatoes

Quote:
A woman learns the value of friendship as she hears the story of two women and how their friendship shaped their lives in this warm comedy-drama. Evelyn Couch (Kathy Bates) is an emotionally repressed housewife with a habit of drowning her sorrows in candy bars. Her husband Ed (Gailard Sartain) barely acknowledges her existence, and while he visits his aunt at a nursing home every week, Evelyn is not permitted to come into the room because the old women doesn't like her. One week, while waiting out Ed's visit, Evelyn meets Ninny Threadgoode (Jessica Tandy), a frail but feisty old woman who lives at the same nursing home and loves to tell stories. Over the span of several weeks, she spins a whopper about one of her relatives, Idgie (Mary Stuart Masterson). Back in the 1920s, Idgie was a sweet but fiercely independent woman with her own way of doing things who ran the town diner in Whistle Stop, Alabama. Idgie was very close to her brother Buddy (Chris O'Donnell), and when he died, she wouldn't talk to anyone except Buddy's girl, Ruth Jamison (Mary-Louise Parker). Idgie gave Ruth a job at the cafe after she left her abusive husband, Frank Bennett (Nick Searcy). Between her habit of standing up for herself, standing up to Frank, and serving food to Black people out the back of the diner, Idgie raised the ire of the less tolerant citizens of Whistle Stop, and when Frank mysteriously disappeared, many locals suspected that Idgie, Ruth, and their friends may have been responsible. Evelyn finds herself looking forward to her weekly visits with Ninny, and is inspired by her story to take a new pride in herself and assert her independence from Ed. Fried Green Tomatoes was based on the novel Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by actress-turned-author Fannie Flagg, who makes a cameo appearance as the leader of a self-help group.

I'll be throwing up now.


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Whip of Japheth Whip of Japheth is offline
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Default Re: TOMATOES: Terrorist Tool to DESTROY God's America! - 08-27-2012, 11:48 PM

Dear friends in Christ, I am familiarized with this satanic worship and the ONLY way to stop it is ban this evil vegetable NOW.

DISGUSTING PICTURES, DON'T SCROLL MORE IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE:










































Whosoever he be that doth rebel against thy commandment, and will not hearken unto thy words in all that thou commandest him, he shall be put to death: only be strong and of a good courage.
Joshua 1:18
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