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Default When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-29-2013, 04:07 AM

Ladies, (Men likely will not enjoy this post - be forewarned)

Those of you that were burdened with daughters understand the need to discuss the curse of Eve when the time is appropriate. Nothing could be worse than for a husband to discover his young wife knows nothing about the proper etiquette for those unclean times. I remember when my mother and father had this discussion with me as they read a picture book to me entitled "Betsy's Time to Bleed," which was chock full of lovely rhymes and illustrations of Betsy the Bunny Rabbit experiencing her first monthly.

Unfortunately, many women are marrying at an older age than they used to. If they are to remain in good standing with their husbandman, I for one feel they should know what each form of protection says about them and their relationship with the Lord.

TAMPAX: I think we would all agree that a True Christian woman would never wear tampons. They bring too much temptation considering their sensual appearance and phallic shape (well, I assume, anyway, since I have never seen a real man's masculine manhood member rod of love and pole of passion, but it has to be close).

STRIPS OF CLOTH, TORN FROM AN OLD (WHITE) SLIP: This is the mainstay of most women older than 60 or 70. Not only does it save money (something any man will appreciate), they are easily washed in the special bucket that every good menstrual hut will have. When they are threadbare, it is, of course, time to light a match and sing hymns as they are burned. The smoke can be a hint to hubby that "the time" is over and that you will soon join him in the marriage bed again.

STORE PURCHASED SANITARY NAPKINS: Be careful not to mistake dinner napkins for those used during Eve's curse. Poor Emily Anne made this mistake and embarrassed her husband so much that he changed churches - without her. He did, of course, provide the necessary letter of divorcement, but still. No good home will receive poor Emily Anne (although I have once in a while thrown crumbs or soup bones to her from my window).

The thing to remember about store-bought protection is that the designation "Regular", "Super," "Super Plus," "WTF," and "Who's Kidding Who? This is a Hemorrhage," send messages to our menfolk. The demure wife or unmarried virgin should always wear Regulars. Suitable for most, their absorption is sufficient to prevent embarrassment. This tells hubby that his wife is mindful of being humble and subservient even when she feels like her gut is exploding within.

"Super" has a tendency to be boastful and proud. This is contrary to the attitude we want to display. We may feel bold due to hormonal influence, but this does not remove our mandate to be subject to our menfolk.

Any designation above Super tells our men that we have not been chaste and that we have lost the necessary dynamic tension that he deserves during those "special" times.

I understand that I am but an unmarried maid, still, the LORD inspired me to share this as I prayed during my nightly devotionals.

Here is a challenge: What should every menstrual hut include? (Furnishings, special signage, warning lights, etc.)


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-29-2013, 05:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
STRIPS OF CLOTH, TORN FROM AN OLD (WHITE) SLIP: This is the mainstay of most women older than 60 or 70. Not only does it save money (something any man will appreciate), they are easily washed in the special bucket that every good menstrual hut will have. When they are threadbare, it is, of course, time to light a match and sing hymns as they are burned. The smoke can be a hint to hubby that "the time" is over and that you will soon join him in the marriage bed again.
Take it from one who knows Miss Lamb. Eve's Curse finishes at about 50. So women over 60 or 70 certainly don't need strips of cloth. This is why it is so important for you to have as many little soldiers of Christ before you turn 50. The removal of the Curse (also known as Men In Pause) is a reward for the 35 years of continual pregnancy you will face.
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-29-2013, 05:33 AM

To get back to your question, your menstrual hut requires the following furnishings:
1 bed
1 table
1 chair (table and chair to read the bible at)
1 wood stove (to burn said tampax or napkins)
1 cupboard to store tampax and napkins.


Nothing else is required as you should spend all your waking time studying the bible. Although sometimes I used to sneak in a recipe book for pie ideas. But don't tell anyone!


You definitely need curtains in your shack. Imagine if someone were to see you in your shameful condition by accident!
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 04:46 AM

Living outside my own house just because I had that thing is humilliating and unnecesary, women here need to learn how to respect themselves. The most I do when I'm like that is staying in bed if I'm not feeling well, but that's all, I try to have my normal routine instead of suffering for something like that.

Plus, I like to lick bloody cooter
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 04:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrownEye View Post
...
Plus, I like to lick bloody cooter
You are truly disgusting.

Quote:
Psalms 1:1 (1611 King James Bible)

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsell of the vngodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornefull.
How long do you think the good Pastors here are going to allow you to openly defecate in the face of Sweet Baby Jesus?

Not long, I can tell you. Not long at all.




I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 04:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark L. Snyde, PhD View Post
You are truly disgusting.

Very mature indeed, changing my post so you'll look like the one who are right here. My five years old cousin is more mature than you, and she just end kindergarten
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 05:00 AM

You dirty filthy lezbean. You just wait until Satan gets his barbed wire tallywhacker in your rectum. You will screaming out for the Lord then, but it will be too late.
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 05:03 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrownEyeKisser View Post
Very mature indeed, changing my post so you'll look like the one who are right here. My five years old cousin is more mature than you, and she just end kindergarten
I cannot edit any posts except my own, and I resent the implication that even if I could, I would do so in such a way.

We have God on our side, why would anyone need any other advantage than that?

Now, be a good little girl, and get your rebellious little butt over to the introductions subforum and post your introduction, as you've been told to do. You need a good sound spanking, missy.




I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 05:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by IreneS View Post
You dirty filthy lezbean. You just wait until Satan gets his barbed wire tallywhacker in your rectum. You will screaming out for the Lord then, but it will be too late.

You're very well educated for what I can see, your parents must be very proud of how you wish death and suffering to another people. I'm not going to be angry, that would be a waste of my time


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark L. Snyde, PhD View Post
You need a good sound spanking, missy.
You enjoy spanking children and women, don't you? I'm starting to think that it give you some kind of sick pleasure. Besides, who do you think you are to say what I need and what I don't? Men here have some kind of superiority complex
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 05:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrownEyeKisser View Post
Besides, who do you think you are to say what I need and what I don't? Men here have some kind of superiority complex
You need a good spanking.
You should never question a man's authority.


Leviticus 15:25And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 06:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by IreneS View Post
You need a good spanking.
You should never question a man's authority.

I'm not gonna be part of something wrong by keeping quiet about it, ok? That guy has no authority over me, he's nobody to order me, and he needs to be put in his place like all the other guys here who think women are their property. If some man dares to put one single finger over me, he's going to have a very bad moment, because I'm nobody's toy


In just one day is gonna be 2014, is time to progress
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 06:17 AM

I love how you talk about "women" when you're only a little girl.
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 06:27 AM

Hello, "Kisser,"

While it is difficult for me to understand why you would say loving discipline from our menfolk is somehow primitive or archaic, it is not difficult at all for me to tell you this: You have it all wrong about being free to say and post what you want here. This is a private forum that will welcome you with open arms if you wish to learn more about the Sweet Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ. You will find the blessings of the Holy Spirit and perhaps a nice sugar cookie recipe now and then.

What you will not find is carte blanche to come here and put down the teachings of the Holy Bible. It is a privilege, not a right, to be able to participate here. All are given a fair chance. May the Lord Jesus show you the error of your ways and bring you to His Salvation and peace. Short of that, I hope you wear fireproof panties, hon; otherwise, your behind will be all abroil in the fearsome pits of HELL. You still have a choice. Won't you allow Jesus to come to you and cover you in His Blood?

NRL


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
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!Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 06:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by IreneS View Post
I love how you talk about "women" when you're only a little girl.

I'm legally an adult now, I'm far beyond being a "little girl", just like this place is very far from being a real church
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 06:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrownEyeKisser View Post
I'm legally an adult now, I'm far beyond being a "little girl", just like this place is very far from being a real church
You've been nothing but defiant, critical, haughty and insulting since you got here. What's your problem? Why do you hate God?

Quote:
Romans 6:16 (1611 King James Bible)

Know ye not, that to whom yee yeeld your selues seruants to obey, his seruants ye are to whom ye obey: whether of sinne vnto death, or of obedience vnto righteousnesse?
Submit yourself to God's servants, as He instructs.




I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!
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Mary Etheldreda's Avatar
Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 07:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrownEyeKisser View Post
I'm legally an adult now, I'm far beyond being a "little girl", just like this place is very far from being a real church
Do you think that will impress Jesus? Will that intimidate the LORD? Do you think He will feel bad sending a "legal adult now" to the firy pits of Hell for her disobedience? Goodness no!



Why, in just the last ten minutes, 114 children starved to death and were sent to Hell. 23 children were forced into slavery, denied knowledge of their Redeemer, and will be sent to Hell upon their death. 15 people committed suicide, each one waking up to an eternity of torment worse than they imagined when they yet drew breath. 10 people were murdered, clearly because they angered the LORD, who justly sent them straight to Perdition. 3 died in war and you guessed it, are being sodomized and brutalized by Satan and his minions this very minute. And you know what? It will never stop. Ever. Ever.

And you think the LORD looks at you and pauses?

Heehee. Think again, dear.

You have the opportunity to make it right with Jesus before it's too late. Why do you hesitate?


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Oceans676 Oceans676 is offline
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 08:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrownEyeKisser View Post
Living outside my own house just because I had that thing is humilliating and unnecesary, women here need to learn how to respect themselves. The most I do when I'm like that is staying in bed if I'm not feeling well, but that's all, I try to have my normal routine instead of suffering for something like that.

Plus, I like to lick bloody cooter
I just gagged at your comment. What is wrong with you, woman?!
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BrownEyeKisser's Avatar
BrownEyeKisser BrownEyeKisser is offline
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BrownEyeKisser is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.BrownEyeKisser is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.BrownEyeKisser is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.BrownEyeKisser is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.BrownEyeKisser is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.BrownEyeKisser is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.BrownEyeKisser is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.BrownEyeKisser is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 05:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Do you think that will impress Jesus? Will that intimidate the LORD? Do you think He will feel bad sending a "legal adult now" to the firy pits of Hell for her disobedience? Goodness no!



Why, in just the last ten minutes, 114 children starved to death and were sent to Hell. 23 children were forced into slavery, denied knowledge of their Redeemer, and will be sent to Hell upon their death. 15 people committed suicide, each one waking up to an eternity of torment worse than they imagined when they yet drew breath. 10 people were murdered, clearly because they angered the LORD, who justly sent them straight to Perdition. 3 died in war and you guessed it, are being sodomized and brutalized by Satan and his minions this very minute. And you know what? It will never stop. Ever. Ever.

And you think the LORD looks at you and pauses?

Heehee. Think again, dear.

You have the opportunity to make it right with Jesus before it's too late. Why do you hesitate?

What's the problem of this place? You are not the only ones with right to go to heaven, but in the case you were, then I don't want to go there, I don't want to spend the whole eternity with ignorants, criminals, lunatics and bastards who think they're better tan the rest of the world


You know what? Landover hates God, and God hates Landover (you're going to edit my post, I know it, but I need to say it, because is true)
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Basilissa's Avatar
Basilissa Basilissa is offline
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 06:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrownEyeKisser View Post
What's the problem of this place? You are not the only ones with right to go to heaven, but in the case you were, then I don't want to go there, I don't want to spend the whole eternity with ignorants, criminals, lunatics and bastards who think they're better tan the rest of the world

You know what? Landover hates God, and God hates Landover (you're going to edit my post, I know it, but I need to say it, because is true)
John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

In other words, it's Jesus' way or the highway, sweetie.

And Jesus' way is to follow all commandments of the Old Testament, just like we do here at Landover Baptist:

Matthew 5:17-22
17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
20 For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Why do you ignore what said?
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Didymus Much's Avatar
Didymus Much Didymus Much is offline
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Default Re: When Eve's Curse Visits - 12-31-2013, 06:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrownEyeKisser View Post
...You know what? Landover hates God, and God hates Landover (you're going to edit my post, I know it, but I need to say it, because is true)
You know what? You keep saying that, over and over, with no support other than your opinion. Your god seems to agree with every last thing you say, no matter how non-Biblical or otherwise ludicrous.

Why would God (of the Bible) hate the people who are DOING WHAT HE TELLS THEM TO?



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
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