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Smile Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 05:17 PM

This thread is where we can talk about computer problems. There are a lot of helpful computer geniuses (I will not acuse them of being wizards!) who can help. Better yet, we can pray for the healing of viruses and such, and a lucky few might even have a faith-repairing session with a True Christian™ pastor.

I'll start the ball rolling by asking our Bretheren and Sistren to pray for my PC.

Friends, I've fiddled around on the inside of my PC case for the last time. Got new RAM, and while it seemed to sort of fit, the clicker things were supposed to click. So I shoved it in like the Pope in a Thai boys school after a month at sea, and figured it would work, and it does, but my PC hard-crashes - that is, freezes - whenever it's desk gets bumped, and sometimes just at random. It might be because the RAM didn't click, it might be because I cracked the motherboard while trying to make the RAM click. I'm assuming that it didn't fit because the RAM is "incompatable". Which is silly because it's obviously working just fine, the only "incompatibility" is the size and shape of the bits that connect - in short, it's manufactured incompatibility.

It's time like these that I'm surprised that so many computer nerds are free-market libertarians. They spend half their day complaining about government bureacracy, and the rest of the day inventing Kakfa-esque labryinths that make Government offices look plug-and-play by comparism. Could you imagine if car-users where expected to go through what PC users are expected to go through?

"I don't know if that tire is compatable with my car, since the tire is a 4895689-gfnfdhg-466786-6527889hgf-ULTRA and the radiator is a 57636-6524nhgfj-6535624.65246.523653.23546."

"N00B!"

"Fine, just fill er up"

"Here's a 2 meg PDF listing of which types of gas are incompatable with your GFF-56747-436346.554 windshield wipers..."
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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 05:42 PM

A friend asked Pastor Benny Hinn to heal his computer. Unfortunately Pastor Hinn is better with people than computers.

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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 06:00 PM

We've needed a thread like this for a long time. I could use some prayers for my computer, too. This time my problem is that I can only browse online using Firefox browser. All of my other browsers show 'This webpage is not available'. I've tried Opera, IE, and Chrome, but they all act as if they've never seen the internet. My mail client still works, but when I tried to run picasa this time the computer asked me to verify a certificate that google.com is a trusted site. I'm pretty sure it is, but I've never been prompted for a certificate before. That's probably related to my problem.

Can someone help?


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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 06:17 PM

Ahhh time for a real Demon to step in and help you Angels!! Nobar you should run a virus scan and check to make sure all your browsers are updated. If not you should think about fixing that. Also make sure your drivers are updated. If all else fails, backup any important documents you have and do I complete factory default restore on your system. If this does not fix any problems, then it is a 100% hardware thing (which I doubt seeing as how it is the software messing up) Hope this helps
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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 06:26 PM

I tried re-installing Chrome, but that didn't help. Also, my Adobe updater just told me isn't able to connect to the internet.


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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 06:31 PM

Run a virus scan good sir! I'm starting to think that this is a hardware issue, since I don't know any virus' that completely restrict access to the interwebz! You may be dealing with a virus that is eating up your ram also, these are the only 2 conclusions I can come upon. Do you keep your computer cool?
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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 06:37 PM

I'm running a virus scan right now, but zero results so far. I don't think that's the problem. For some reason my computer is allowing a few programs to browse online (firefox, thunderbird), but is blocking others. I was able to get an A/V update, so that's good.

I tried turning off my firewall, but that wasn't the solution.


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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 06:41 PM

Firewall wouldn't block your internet browser. I suggest turning that back on before something worse invites itself to your computer. If your scan shows nothing, and it is not a hardware issue, you have yourself 1 epic virus/trojan. Should nothing come back I suggest a system restore to get rid of it. Should you chose that root, back up EVERYTHING you don't want to lose (Pictures, Music, Text Documents ect)
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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 06:46 PM

I don't like the way you keep pushing me to wipe my system when there is a simple problem that needs to be fixed. I'm starting to think that your advice isn't purely benign.


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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 06:51 PM

Prayer works on absolutely anything! The first step to fixing a problem, whether it's with your car, computer, microwave or electrical wiring, is asking the LORD to fix it, that way you don't have to!

All it takes to fix your computer is a little faith:

And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
-Matthew 17:20

I don't honestly believe that you have to know what's wrong with your computer to be able to pray it away.

One time, I was using the internet and it just froze up. I couldn't shrink the window or move it. It was looking like I was going to have to turn the power off and back on again, and we all know how bad that is for your computer. I decided to get down on my knees, lay my hands on the system and pray for its recovery.

I bowed my head, closed my eyes and said, "Dear JESUS, you know what's wrong with my computer, LORD. You know that I use it as your good and faithful servant to spread the good news of your coming judgment. Please heal my computer system and banish all demons from inside it. In your Holy Name, Amen."

When I lifted my eyes I saw that GOD had miraculously sent a dove in the form of a little window that said "this program is not responding" and it had a button that I could click to close the program without shutting off my computer! That's the only time I've ever seen that window, and I know for a fact that attempting to click the big red "X" on a window that's not responding cannot bring up that little button!

Best of all, when I reopened my internet program, it took me right back to where I was when it froze! GOD is so good!

PRAISE AND GLORY!



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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 06:52 PM

Sometimes that's the only fix though. Unless you would like to spend money, time, gas ect to go to a store to fix it. If the trojan is encrypted correctly, you AV may night catch it and it may continue to cause havoc on your system. I would exhaust all other options before wiping it, but if it comes to that there isn't much you can do.
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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 07:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
I'll start the ball rolling by asking our Bretheren and Sistren to pray for my PC.

Friends, I've fiddled around on the inside of my PC case for the last time. Got new RAM, and while it seemed to sort of fit, the clicker things were supposed to click. [...]
I know little about computers other than the government allows any idiot to own one and bother us here at Landover. I was thus pleased when Nephew Zebulun came round. I asked him about your woes, and he informed me of the following:
There are several forms of RAM so first check you RAM in accordance with
Ex:29:31: And thou shalt take the RAM of the consecration,

Next, a faulty connection on the motherboard is often the cause, so ensure that they are in good condition and that the silver has not worn off: (This is from the production manual, so divide by 20.)
Ex:26:19:BAnd thou shalt make[…] two sockets under one board […]Ex:36:30: And there were eight boards; and their sockets were sixteen sockets of silver, under every board two sockets.

The hard disk can cause problems too. Is it being written to in the manner of Da:5:5: In the same hour came forth fingers of a man's hand, and wrote over against the candlestick upon the plaister of the wall of the king's palace: and the king saw the part of the hand that wrote.”?

Listen to the computer on start-up and see if you can hear any clicking as the arm moves across the disk.

There’s also a possibility that your computer is beset by devils. Therefore download and run “12Apostles ‘09” (only compatible with JesOS 7) Lu:9:1: Then he called his twelve disciples together, and gave them power and authority over all devils, and to cure diseases.

Hope this helps.





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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 07:57 PM

I solved my online issue. It was something to do with proxy servers, whatever those are. I couldn't figure it out so I just chose 'automatic', and the problems were resolved.

Will my computer still be protected?


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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 07:58 PM

After I got my internets all tubed up I decided it would be a good idea to clean my monitor.


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Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 12-05-2009, 08:23 PM

If you haven't switched over to JesOS 7™, do so immediately! I have not had a single problem, crash, or error since I installed it. The brilliant computer engineers at Landover University know how to make a decent computer, unlike those clowns at Microsoft. JesOS 7™ is actually such a good operating system, even some atheists are starting to use it because it's so reliable!



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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Sally Paulson's Avatar
Sally Paulson Sally Paulson is offline
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Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Sally Paulson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Unhappy HELP! I need a man to help fix my computer - 04-04-2012, 03:48 PM

Help! I just got this email:

"Dear user e-mail,

Your mailbox has exceeded the limit of your quote e-mail. It will not be
able to send or receive new messages until you increase your mailbox size.
Need to update your email and clicking on the link below and fill out the
information to re-validate the account.

http://emailadmincenterhelpdesk/cont...ls2/form1.html

Warning!
Failure to update your account within three days of the update, your
account will be closed permanently.

Thanks for using our web-mail
Copyright © 2012 Email Admin Center Helpdesk"


I tried to make my mailbox bigger by resizing the window, but it's just not big enough. I ordered a bigger monitor but it's not going to be here for days. Without email, how will I get my Facebook updates? What do I do?


#forevertrump: Supporter of The Donald as president-for-life! #MAGAlomaniac!
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Dr Laurence Niles Dr Laurence Niles is offline
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Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 04-04-2012, 03:54 PM

Be careful.

It could be a Nigerian Dictator after scamming your keystrokes to steal your identity so he can escape the Hague.

Do you want to go to the Hague foe extraGodly genocide?

Never use that account again and reformat your hard drive.

YIC
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Nobar King Nobar King is offline
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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 04-05-2012, 06:30 PM

I have a new problem. I used to be able to copy/paste hypertext into my reply window, but now it just pastes the text without the hyperlink. I'm using Firefox.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
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Default Re: Computer problems: advice, prayer, faith-repairing - 04-05-2012, 10:01 PM

Do you mean: Es:8:13a: The copy of the writing for a commandment to be given in every province was published unto all people,

And now it doesn't work?

Say The Lord's Prayer, whilst holding down the Ctrl key; see if that helps.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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