[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Brother Trump has put Mike Pence in charge. He is praying, the American healthcare system continues to be the envy of the industrialized world, Chinese restaurants are going out of business, people are no longer drinking Corona Beer, problem solved. Just another day of American Greatness.



The lamestream media needs to talk about the real looming threats that nobody is doing anything to prepare for. I'm talking about, of course, sharknados.

Of course, we all know about tornados. They are bad enough, but when you consider the increase in fish farming, and the Chinese love for shark-fin soup, and you see where things are going. Libcucks, feeling sorry for the bankruptcy of so many Chinese restaurants, will decide that anyone who doesn't chug sharkfin soup by the gallon is racist. Hipsters, will discover "shark-soup microbrews", which will be the same normal shark-fin soup with a fancier label and tripled price tag.

So, where to fish-farm all these sharks? Well, "flyoverland" has low real-estate costs, unemployed rust-belters, and people who like fishing and are always up for a challenge.

So, all the ingredients in the recipe for disaster are here: lakes full of sharks, a distraction in the form of fake-news-onavirus, and more tornadoes as God punishes us for pokemon.

How to prepare? Well, the same way republicans prepare for everything else. Go to the shooting range. Here's a target, I've already printed up a hundred or so: