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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 11-08-2011, 07:45 PM

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Originally Posted by I once belived View Post
You are the biggest liar I have ever met, I thought Christians don't lie? You probably love to shove cucumbers up your ass and sucking dick.
The gradual deterioration of atheists who can't browbeat us into blustering apologies for following God's word into hateful slander is always rather predictable.



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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 11-09-2011, 03:37 AM

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Originally Posted by truthrejecter View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post


Bobby-Joe, you have made me sneaky suspicious of a neighbor of mine. He's single, thin, well groomed (maybe a little TOO well groomed), and he grows CUCUMBERS along his fence every year. They are the short, fat, knobby kind, too. He claims to make pickles with them, but I don't believe him.

I'm thinking I ought to sneak into his yard late one night this summer, and spray some Round-Up for the Lord.

Pastor Billy-Reuben
have you not thought about the fact that your neighbor might just like the taste of cucumbers or pickles? seriously, you guys are far to judgmental.
Friend, I made that post almost three years ago. This thread is 35 pages now and if you haven't read the whole thing I don't blame you, but you may have missed my follow-up post where I confronted that neighbor and my suspicions were confirmed.

I'll post it again here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post
That neighbor's cucumber plants were starting to get tall, so I did like I said and sprayed them real good with Round-Up late Thursday night. By yesterday morning, they were dead.

I don't know who saw me and ratted me out, but he came over today banging on my door and demanding to know why I killed his cucumbers. I explained everything, and the look on his face was priceless. He looked like he didn't know whether to crack up laughing or punch me.

He told me I was crazy. Well, I'm not the one growing tough skinned phallic vegetables in the sight of a vengeful God. THAT'S crazy.
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 12-29-2011, 01:32 AM

Hello every one and good day
I have a question, forgive me for not understanding your argument my friend.
But i do need further explanation, as to why the cucumber is proof...
I thought Cucumbers were cultivated by man for over 3000 years to make it look that way
plus where i live the cucumbers are very small and would break easily since we cultivated them that way... plus I've never ever heard of any one using cucumbers in such a way... that is the first time i hear of such a thing!
why would anyone put a vegetable in their behind...
please correct my information as I'm very interested in this!
Thank you for sharing this information with us all and i hope we get to a place with this argument.
Matthew 7:12

Therefore all things whatever you would that men should do to you, do you even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 12-30-2011, 02:57 PM

hey everyone,

not sure about this cucumber theory, I think God is a question of faith for most people, here's the confusion for me:

I read this post yesterday and happened to be grocery shopping today with my girlfriend.
I live in China and the cucumbers here are definitely not suited for poking up your butt, very rough with lots of bumps on them, you'd seriously have to be a sadist to even attempt it!
So that kinda throws a spanner in the works, I think queershave all the temptation they need poking it up other queers buttholes without having to resort to cucumbers.
Most gays I've met have been very promiscious (At an old job one guy told some of the office girls how he had sex in the toilet in a bar with some random guy whilst his boyfriend was outside) so unless they are housebound probably could find someone to carry out their ungodly pursuits
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-03-2012, 04:35 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dicker View Post
hey everyone,

not sure about this cucumber theory, I think God is a question of faith for most people, here's the confusion for me:

I read this post yesterday and happened to be grocery shopping today with my girlfriend.
I live in China and the cucumbers here are definitely not suited for poking up your butt, very rough with lots of bumps on them, you'd seriously have to be a sadist to even attempt it!
So that kinda throws a spanner in the works, I think queershave all the temptation they need poking it up other queers buttholes without having to resort to cucumbers.
Most gays I've met have been very promiscious (At an old job one guy told some of the office girls how he had sex in the toilet in a bar with some random guy whilst his boyfriend was outside) so unless they are housebound probably could find someone to carry out their ungodly pursuits
I guess you just summed up the state of Chine morality here. Not much of reason for God to test the Chines for latent homosexuality when all God has to do is look into the restroom stall of the nearest bar?



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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-04-2012, 12:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
I guess you just summed up the state of Chine morality here. Not much of reason for God to test the Chines for latent homosexuality when all God has to do is look into the restroom stall of the nearest bar?


Actually Homosexuality is frowned upon here by most, quite racist as well towards black people (I'm sure you'd get along if you gave them the chance ;-) )

The story I spoke of happened in England so it blows your theory out the window I'm afraid.

And anyway, why test other countries with cucumbers and just not China?
America is God's favourite country, surely they don't need testing?

In fact I reckon other countries around the world also only have unpokable cucumbers for sale, perhaps you guys should organise a road trip and truly find out what countries God finds worthy of testing and those he has already forsaken.


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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-04-2012, 12:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dicker View Post
Actually Homosexuality is frowned upon here by most, quite racist as well towards black people (I'm sure you'd get along if you gave them the chance ;-) )
Why would a Christian like me associate with racists?
Quote:
Originally Posted by dicker View Post
The story I spoke of happened in England so it blows your theory out the window I'm afraid.
No, not in the lest. The English eat cucumber sandwiches. Think about it.

As for China, the FACTS speak for themselves; China is a communist country, as in Atheist, the only reason anyone would bother being an athiest is to have ass sex. Why would God bother testing the Chines when they scream it the heavens every day of the week they want ass sex?
Quote:
Originally Posted by dicker View Post
And anyway, why test other countries with cucumbers and just not China?
America is God's favourite country, surely they don't need testing? I fact I reckon other countries around the world also only have unpokable cucumbers for sale, perhaps you guys should organise a road trip and truly find out what countries God finds worthy of testing and those he has already forsaken.
You're still avoid the basic point of my arguement because you are some nimrod who thinks he's a wit. How do you get cucumbers that are suitable for bottom bothering without the Hand of God? That some cucumbers aren't suitable is really besides the point.

the TL: DR version: show me how nature makes cucumbers the size of dildos.



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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-06-2012, 08:20 AM

How can you prove or disprove such a stupid theory?

God made cucumbers to test us? lol, it's pretty funny to be honest.

I think you flip a coin, if it's heads, then God did it, if it's tails, Satan made it.

God made cucumbers to tempt us.
Satan made women's orgasms.

Could quite have easily been Satan made cucumbers to tempt us to poke up our butts cos they are perfect for it.
God gave women orgasms to test us.

Look up racist in a dictionary, maybe they'll be a little photo of you, you all hate everyone! use words like slope, spic, yellow chink, the list goes on.

" the only reason anyone would bother being an athiest is to have ass sex. Why would God bother testing the Chines when they scream it the heavens every day of the week they want ass sex?"

Please provide a list of countries that are worthy of being tested by God and therefore have been provided with adequately shaped nicely textured cucumbers. I'm sure by your strict standards no country other than america would qualify so why bother testing any other countries?

Last point, disprove your theory?

You mean the one based on the fact it is possible to put a certain veggie up your butt? lol, can't believe i'm bothering but here goes....

cucumber is not only long veggie, also carrot, also fruits, bananas are pretty long. There's a varied range of shapes and sizes, some happen to be long.
Are other things that are long also intended for the same thing? How about a pen? pretty slim shape, perfect for the virgin who isn't ready to build up to the cucumber just yet. How about dildos and vibrators?
Did God make all these things for the same reason?
This topic is such an obvious trolling but I can't help coming back for more lol


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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-06-2012, 10:08 AM

For what reason do we need to test a theory based on the Bible?



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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-06-2012, 04:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dicker View Post
How can you prove or disprove such a stupid theory?

God made cucumbers to test us? lol, it's pretty funny to be honest.

I think you flip a coin, if it's heads, then God did it, if it's tails, Satan made it.

God made cucumbers to tempt us.
Satan made women's orgasms.
blah blah, blah
Again you missed my point; what other deity, except God as described in The Bible, is obsessed with what people put up their backsides? Only the Christian God will damn people for putting something up their butts. Show me any other god who destroyed two who cities for sodomy, except for God.

Logically then, if we find something supernaturally created for purpose of self sodomy, we have proved God existence. I am asserting cucumbers at that thing.



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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-07-2012, 01:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post

Logically then, if we find something supernaturally created for purpose of self sodomy, we have proved God existence. I am asserting cucumbers at that thing.

Logic has nothing to do with anything you say, basically, you are asserting it, it's your theory and you are just one person out of many.
It's not in your precious scripture (Why would God ever say something so stupid?) so there's no real 'proof' of it.
I think most people would laugh in the face of anyone who tried to claim this was true with a straight face.

It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, also one of the funniest, guess that's why I keep coming back for more

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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-17-2012, 10:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
That's a very valid point Mrs Roberts.
I remember one time when my dear departed husband was alive.
There was a loud scream from the Bathroom.
My poor husband had somehow slipped on some soap in the shower, and fell backwards on to one of these Demonic Cucumbers (which just happened to be pointing upright).
It took a team of Surgeons quite some time to remove it.
We never had Cucumber sandwiches again, after that day.
I think he re-lived it several times.
Is this for real? A cucumber in the bathroom, pointing upright? Really?
You husband was putting a cucumber up his ass. He was probably gay.
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-17-2012, 10:31 PM

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Originally Posted by EUSOUDEUS View Post
Is this for real? A cucumber in the bathroom, pointing upright? Really?
You husband was putting a cucumber up his ass. He was probably gay.
That's disgusting!

Why would a homosexual man insert a cucmber into his rectum? Would he not rather insert a man, or more likely a teenage boy or a gerbil?

Perhaps he was a closet vegan, but surely not a homosexual.


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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 07-10-2012, 09:48 AM

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
My atheist friends time taunt me with childish question like “show me any proof, no matter how vague of this existence of God.” While this is utterly disingenuous, proof of God’s existence is in all of our hearts as atheists well know, I suppose for the weak faith it is worth the effort of putting up a good example. So for my friends how there who persist in denying the existence of God here goes.

The cucumber: The cucumber sleek shape is the correct size of the human hand. While one can make the weak argument that cucumbers are just that size because apes eat them and Godly micro evolution caused this them to be convenient to a human sized hand no other primate we are supposedly related to eats the cucumber, only humans. This also makes the cucumber the optimal size to be inserted into a human bodily orifice, again there is no natural reason for this. Only humans are depraved enough to violate themselves with a vegetable. Cucumbers have a tough out skin that allows them to put up to resist repeated rubbing, like what will happen when a cucumber is inserted into a human bodily orifice for purulent reasons. Again, no natural reason for this.

Evolution can not explain the cucumber. So clearly the cucumber has a creator.

Who or what is so obsessed with what humans put into their bodies that it would create a vegetable to enable it? There is only one answer; the God of the Christian Bible. Sticking things into your bum is a major point of Christianity. It is the direst of sins and God is on the constant alert for it, He is utterly outraged by it and tests humanity for it relentlessly. Clearly cucumbers are created by God as a trap for any hidden self sodomites out there.

Game over Atheists.
Alright, forgive me if this is wrong. Being raised Pentacostal, our family was taught a few things that, already, I've found don't line up with the true word of God. So, this is a bit confusing for me. You say that cucumbers were created by God as a trap for self sodomites, to tempt them to sodomy, and defiling the temple of God. But, doesn't James 1:13 say that God tests us but does not tempt us? http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...13&version=KJV I'm just a bit confused here. If someone could clear this up I would be forever grateful.


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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 07-10-2012, 10:50 AM

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Originally Posted by Aerida View Post
Alright, forgive me if this is wrong. Being raised Pentacostal, our family was taught a few things that, already, I've found don't line up with the true word of God. So, this is a bit confusing for me. You say that cucumbers were created by God as a trap for self sodomites, to tempt them to sodomy, and defiling the temple of God. But, doesn't James 1:13 say that God tests us but does not tempt us? http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...13&version=KJV I'm just a bit confused here. If someone could clear this up I would be forever grateful.
Keep reading past James 1:13 ...

(James 1:14) "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed."

And where does that lead?

(1 John 2:16) "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world."

And who created the world?

(Genesis 1:1) In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth."

It's all right there in the Bible!



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Z. Smyth


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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 07-10-2012, 03:51 PM

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Originally Posted by Aerida View Post
Alright, forgive me if this is wrong. Being raised Pentacostal, our family was taught a few things that, already, I've found don't line up with the true word of God. So, this is a bit confusing for me. You say that cucumbers were created by God as a trap for self sodomites, to tempt them to sodomy, and defiling the temple of God. But, doesn't James 1:13 say that God tests us but does not tempt us? http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...13&version=KJV I'm just a bit confused here. If someone could clear this up I would be forever grateful.
My pardon if I suggested God was deliberately manipulating us to self sodomize. I mean tempt as in the sense test, as in God says "here is a cucumber, the next is up to you but I better not catch you doing anything perverted with it" not tempt as in God is saying "go on, you want to".



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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 07-10-2012, 04:31 PM

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Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
That's disgusting!

Why would a homosexual man insert a cucmber into his rectum? Would he not rather insert a man, or more likely a teenage boy or a gerbil?

Perhaps he was a closet vegan, but surely not a homosexual.
Amen. It seems to me that the cucumber is more to tempt relatively innocent people, not full blown homers. A normal person might think: it's only a cucumber, it's not like it's a penis or anything, whereas a homersexural is going to want something with a bit more girth, like a melon, or a small, shaved ferret.

It is amazing to me how many animal rights activists are homosexual. They are such hypocrites. It's alright for you to stuff animals in your ass, but not for me to eat them? I just don't get atheists.


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Athannihilate Athannihilate is offline
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 09-21-2012, 01:30 AM

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
My atheist friends...
Wait... You have atheist friends? Why?
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 09-21-2012, 01:58 AM

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Originally Posted by Athannihilate View Post
Wait... You have atheist friends? Why?
Probably in the manner that we call you "friend", friend.


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Athannihilate Athannihilate is offline
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 09-21-2012, 06:55 PM

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Probably in the manner that we call you "friend", friend.
Does anyone on this website EVER have a nice response to a question?
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