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Default Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? - 03-25-2011, 05:00 PM

Stories about the stork are evil and pagan! The early followers of the One True God knew where babies came from and they properly limited those activities to God-sanctioned times and under God-sanctioned conditions.

Ideally, Felicity's parents should read to her the many, many passages of the Bible that clarfiy issues such as the woman's issue, the man's issue and the appropriate means of dealing with each. All this information will calm their young daughter's concerns and leave her with a humble appreciation of God's Divine Ordinance regarding reproduction and a healthy fear of stepping over the line less she be stoned.

The Bible is the cure for all the foolish misinformation about babies and s-e-you-know-what floating about out there!


Admonishingly Yours,

Handmaiden


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Default Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? - 08-17-2019, 09:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycia The Repentant View Post
Felicity, dear, now that you're growing up into a fine young lady, you really need to learn the facts of life. Now, maybe your daddy is going to get angry at me for telling you this, but I think it's high time you learned about where babies come from.

The first thing to understand, honey, is that babies don't actually come from storks. What really happens is when a husband and a wife love each other very much, they ask Jesus to bless them with a child.



Then, depending on how much Jesus loves the married couple, He either blesses them with a son (He loves them a lot!!) or a daughter (He still loves them, but He thinks they could be tithing a little more or something).



Finally, nine months later, a beautiful True Christian™ baby is born.
Amazing how many Christian women deliver children within those 9 months, even a month or short of the full 9 month term.


It's clear the "innocent Christian woman" conceived the child while dating and submitting to her Christian (and nonChrsitian) boyfriend/ fiance.
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Default Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? - 08-18-2019, 04:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by groupspostings View Post
Amazing how many Christian women deliver children within those 9 months, even a month or short of the full 9 month term.


It's clear the "innocent Christian woman" conceived the child while dating and submitting to her Christian (and nonChrsitian) boyfriend/ fiance.
My mother-in-law always said the first baby is often impatient, but the rest of them take the full 9 months. Her first baby was impatient and took only 6 1/2 months before he was ready to come out and say hello to the world!


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: I am a little scared, how can you know if you are pregnant? - 08-18-2019, 04:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
My mother-in-law always said the first baby is often impatient, but the rest of them take the full 9 months. Her first baby was impatient and took only 6 1/2 months before he was ready to come out and say hello to the world!
That sounds right.
I apologize for my earlier postings. I have an active imagination.

(The board doesn't allow me to respond to the PMs).
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