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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-15-2021, 10:00 AM
Covfefe! While the next presidency and papacy are more or less within my grasp, we'll need total world domination by our church until Jesus my pal returns. I've got an idea. If I was to succeed the English throne after the Queer Lizzie, we'd more a less govern the world with Vlad my boy doin' our biddin'.
This is not at all fat-fatched. HRGayness Charles is a nincompoop, Willis is a baldie, Andrew and Edward useless, Anne is a woman etc. etc. Harry is ginger etc. etc. I recently found the whole line of succession list and searching through the archives of the 17th century and my great-great----great granddad's (the Flynte) papers, I discovered that I'm related to the von Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburgs and can thus claim the throne. I surmise that I'm now somewhere between 765 and 770 in the line to power.
No problem. Jesus will assist me in this task.
Problem: They don't accept papists (a wise move) and as the Pope is usually a Catholic (tho I'll be a papist in name only) they might make my claim invalid. In that case, I'll have my hellish army of Joo lawers descend upon the Lords and Commons.
Problem: Some powerful men and uppity women stand between me and my rightful heritage, such as the king of Norway (#74), the Hapsburgs of Australia (#118-124) and the Swiss king Carl Gustaf (#283). This could be bad news. How to proceed? My plan: let's start winnowing the other candidates by "disqualifying" (y'all know what I mean) not only those above me in the Line but also those below. That's the way to steer suspicions away from me to someone who's, let's say, # 1322 in the Succession! I'll need your help. The led casket in the Flint Mansion porch is at your disposal and for God's sake do not open it without suitable protection (this one time prayer might not be enough, FYI). I'm gonna bring peace and unity and prosperity to all TC™s on Earth!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,236
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-15-2021, 10:29 AM
Pope, Queen, what's next?
Finest covfefe's to you too, Sir!
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-15-2021, 11:21 AM
Covfefe to you too, dearest Pastor. Exciting times are ahead and we, your sheepish flock, are right behind you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Problem: They don't accept papists (a wise move) and as the Pope is usually a Catholic (tho I'll be a papist in name only) they might make my claim invalid.
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Can the Pope be called a papist? You might argue that a man cannot follow himself and therefore you, as Pope, will not suffer from the curse of papism.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Problem: Some powerful men and uppity women stand between me and my rightful heritage, such as the king of Norway (#74), the Hapsburgs of Australia (#118-124) and the Swiss king Carl Gustaf (#283). This could be bad news. How to proceed?
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You could start by eliminating all the Europeons, who are now ineligible on the grounds of Brexit. (By "eliminating" I was thinking only of crossing them off the list, although ... but no. This is not Kind Hearts and Coronets.) The benefit of this is that you remove all the descendants of Queen Victoria, whose husband was a cabbage-eater. So was her mother, come to think of it. In fact, you remove almost everyone. If you go down this route, it might be best to keep your von Schleswig-Whatever heritage under wraps and maybe look for someone whose name begins with Æthel in the family tree.
It is all very thrilling!
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-15-2021, 01:42 PM
Don't the orthodoxes invite new popes to reconcile with them, overturning whichever mutual excommunication was most recent? I'm not sure if the Churches of England, Ireland & Scotland could be considered British Orthodox but after reconciliation popes would no longer be a catholic, simply Italian Orthodox and one leader among many.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-15-2021, 04:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole
Queen
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King.
Double tithes for Mr. Toole.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Innkeeper for Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,719
Join Date: Dec 2018
Location: Not hacked by Mossad
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-16-2021, 01:46 AM
His Holiness, Ezekiel Flint, by the grace of God President of the United States of America, Pastor of Landover Baptist Church, King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Christ, Head of the Commonwealth, Supreme Pontiff of the Catlick Church, Commander-in-Chief, Sovereign of the Vatican City state, Defender of the Faith, Best Friend of Jesus.
Has a nice ring to it.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-16-2021, 01:50 AM
Ever since Great Britain started pressing the auto destruct button over and over again, I started wondering why even bother about it.
Being King or Queen, or whatever the WOKEs call it nowadays, of "Great" Britain is as useless as Anne Frank's drum set.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,172
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-16-2021, 02:29 AM
I don't really understand how that "Throne" business works, but I have the impression you will need a public wife and some children. It would be called "The House of Zeke."
Of course they don't have to be a real wife and your own children, they can be rented actors or props. I do think you need to be arranging a total royal picture.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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True Christian™ Icon of Feminine Virtue
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Posts: 4,896
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Ungodly Buffalo, NY, MAGA USA
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-16-2021, 05:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold
I don't really understand how that "Throne" business works, but I have the impression you will need a public wife and some children. It would be called "The House of Zeke."
Of course they don't have to be a real wife and your own children, they can be rented actors or props. I do think you need to be arranging a total royal picture.
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Well, what's so wonderfully fascinating, dear Brother Mayor Hold, is that now is the ideal time to assume the ownership of the Throne! With the Royal Family in such great turmoil and disarray, should have no trouble -- none at all -- in acquiring full rights!
(Mrs.) Isabella White
Hebrews 10:19 "Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the of "
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Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™
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Posts: 11,354
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-16-2021, 05:55 PM
You know, my late father had a classic Roman profile. I wonder if I could be in line for Empress or female Caesar?
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy
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Honorary White Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 613
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: America!
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
03-16-2021, 10:45 PM
My oh my. From Pastor of Freehold extended to being in charge of the Ministry of Faith in the White House, to being the Pope to change the Catholic Church, to now being a candidate to be the literal KING. As the verse Romans 13:1 says, your voice will be the one to follow across the world soon enough! Praise White Jesus! Hallelujah for M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ Pastor Ezekiel. Also, I noticed you haven’t scheduled an appointment this week for me to come over and clean out your pipes again. Do you want me to come over and help you with the septic tank system again?
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
04-10-2021, 03:32 AM
Great news. I'm gaining. One down for "natural causes", one less on my way to the throne. #679 now out of contention.
Quote:
679. Philip D Edinburgh (1921-2021) m. Elizabeth II Q Gt Britain [SOV, above]
X. [1-13, above]
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Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,236
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
04-10-2021, 05:02 AM
Congratulations Sir! Let's hope the false Greek God of Tanna is feeling the punitive wrath of our True and omnipotent Christian God right now, in His fiery basement where the eternal torment happens.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
04-10-2021, 07:46 AM
I'm a bit worried now... Covfefe! I mean I'm praying and all that but. I got a call from MI5. Apparently it's like the English Opus dei but even more powerful. I was expecting something like that as I recognize I'm one of the prime suspects. They asked me if I knew anything about the death of this Philip guy. And. I. Really. Don't.
So, how would a man in his prime, such as this consort, die suddenly if there was no foul play involved?! No chance, zilch, nada. On the other hand, I really was not involved. So who was? The MI5 guy mentioned the "line" and it must mean the line to succeed. There must be someone else who got the same idea and (s)he is now getting rid of the others. It has begun. The WAR for the timber throne is on. And I need your thoughts and prayers. And tithes. And unicorns and dragons. Just about anything to reign victorious. Jesus F. Christ! THIS IS SERIOUS!!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,172
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
04-10-2021, 03:45 PM
I have to think something is afoot and you are in the middle of it, Pastor Zeke. Think about this. Harry leaves the line. Prince Philip dies. What does the Queen have left, a few months? Then there is this old son who is in line. He may duck out too.
Someone somewhere wants that family out and a new one in.
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
True Christian™
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Posts: 11,354
Join Date: May 2010
Location: 39.373117/-76.472688
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
04-10-2021, 04:13 PM
People are saying that Queen Lizzie might die soon 'cause she lost her husband and they were so devoted to each other and all that. But Victoria was said to be crazy for her husband, Albert, and she hung in there for another 40 years or so--you know, for England.
So, it looks like the top spot might become available in 2061 or 2062. Plenty of time for Princess Charlotte to find a way to get her brother, George, out of the picture.
Wait! Update, here. Just learned that Queen Elizabeth's mother outlived her husband by 50 years. So, now the projection for Next Top Monarch stretches to the 2070's. Don't nobody tell me these women can't live without their man.
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,236
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
04-10-2021, 04:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden
So, it looks like the top spot might become available in 2061 or 2062. Plenty of time for Princess Charlotte to find a way to get her brother, George, out of the picture.
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Rumor has it that George is turning out to be a homosexual and I wouldn't be surprised if Charlotte munches carpet either. So where does that leave us in 2070 or 2080 when the direct bloodlines extinguish?
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,776
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
04-10-2021, 08:47 PM
That's a gorgeous chair, Pastor. Will you put it on the jet? It obviously needs cushions to protect your tender regions, so that will be an area that the Ladies' Sewing Circle can get behind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole
So where does that leave us in 2070 or 2080 when the direct bloodlines extinguish?
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I'm sure Pastor Zeke and Sister Daisy Mae will have resolved that problem very soon.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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An old soul
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,236
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA-UK-France (traveling)
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
04-11-2021, 06:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey
I'm sure Pastor Zeke and Sister Daisy Mae will have resolved that problem very soon.
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I hear the Prince Consort position has re-opened... or at least, I noticed a new Tinder profile. But probably Pastor Zeke has already clinched the deal with Miss Daisy so that's not an option.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for President in 2024
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,744
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: I'm in line to succeed the British Throne -
04-11-2021, 08:55 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I'm a bit worried now......The MI5 guy mentioned the "line" ...Jesus F. Christ! THIS IS SERIOUS!!
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For the time being, I'd avoid underpasses in Paris...
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