Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Landover Today! > The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper
Reload this Page Homer Pastor Exposed
The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper Featured editorials, letters to the GODLY Pastors of Landover, local news, advise columns.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#21)
Old
Pastor Al E Pistle's Avatar
Pastor Al E Pistle Pastor Al E Pistle is offline
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
 
 
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
Pastor Al E Pistle has disabled reputation
Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-06-2006, 03:05 AM

November 2006 Church Newsletter November 6, 2006

Notice to Members: Purchasing products from the Landover Baptist Store during the Holiday season will not only help heat several of Pastor Deacon Fred's vacation homes this winter, but will also help keep your favorite church online for another year! Shout Glory!
Teachers Punish Stupidest Students By Making Them Play Injuns in Thanksgiving Pageant What a wonderful way of teaching youngsters what happens to lazy failures who expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter! Full Story!>
MRS. BETTY BOWERS
Christian Concern For Ted Haggard's Delicious Disgrace
"As an evangelical preacher, he is clearly too used to getting up in front of people who believe anything he says to lie convincingly to those still fettered by thought." Read More!>
Free Holiday Leftover Meal For Homeless Who Sign Contract and Confess Christ
Homeless people who qualify for the free leftover meal will also be asked to sit through a small church service where they will sing hymns and smile through several photo sessions with wealthy church members and local Republican politicians.
Full Story!>
Pastor's Daughter Wins 2006 Miss Baptist Beauty Contest"Penny-May has been training for this moment since the day her sweet mother began multitasking during breast-feeding by trying out every Miss Clairol on Penny-May until she found the right shade of burnt-tomato to bring out her prominent right eye," says proud father, Pastor Deacon Fred. Read More!>
Creation Scientists Trace Origin of Little Red Puppet Species to the Lake of Fire "In our initial research, we found that upon tickling Elmo between its legs, or its hind side, it begins to squirm and contort its bestial body into lewd sexual positions. And this toy doesn't just giggle, fellows! Nay! We've heard it moan with carnal delight!"More>
Demon-Possessed Turkeys and More! At Landover Baptist, Thanksgiving can be a frightening time. Each year we are forced again, and again, and again, and again to deal with the hell bound Injuns that surround our church property. Not to mention, unruly children! and Harry Potter!
FROM THE VAULTS:
McDonalds Cancels Promotion For Genital Jewelry Happy Meals!
We unveil yet another 100% real legal threat surrounding a previously pulled article. This time, the McDonald's Corporation slams the gavel! You've got to see it to believe it, brothers and sisters!! More>
Reader Mail! Always the favorite for our Church members, is saved for last! Authentic e-mails, delivered with regularity as usual, and sent directly to our Pastor's inbox from the heartland of God's Country. Updated with October 2006 e-mail! Let Me See!
Order Your Landover Baptist Christmas Cards! Happy Birthday Baby Jesus, Please Don't Burn Us in Hell! All new: "Lap of the Lord" Landover Christian Mall Cards and Shotgun Greeting Cards!
Shop and Support Your Godly Church!
Limited - $2.00 Off Ornaments and Cards From November 6 - November 19 Click Here!>



Copyright 1998-2006, Landover Baptist Ministries. All rights reserved. Terms of Service
The Landover Baptist website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


Reply With Quote
(#22)
Old
Rachael Van Helsing's Avatar
Rachael Van Helsing Rachael Van Helsing is offline
HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member

Hellbound Heathen Cancer on Society Uppity Woman/Enabler Witch

 
Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-06-2006, 04:13 AM

Very interesting, Pastor Al, but ??



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
Reply With Quote
(#23)
Old
Brother Love's Avatar
Brother Love Brother Love is offline
Yes, THAT Brother Love!
True Christian™
 
Posts: 403
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Wherever Jesus Needs to Save Souls!!
Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-11-2006, 03:03 AM

Now I don't even wants to talk 'bouts this SODOMITE! This HOMERSEXUAL! This SON OF SATAN'S PIT!! This LIAR and DECEIVER!

That be rit! Ted has his one-ways ticket to HELL and he'll be rit there on his knees servicing Satan's wetback army!

Ted is an ABOMINATION direct from the VALLEY OF ABOMINATIONS AND DESOLATIONS!

I be callin down the BLOOD OF THE LAMB on his head! Ted be BURNIN soon in the FIRE LAKES OF HELL !!
Reply With Quote
(#24)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
Posts: 79,897
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-11-2006, 12:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Love View Post
Now I don't even wants to talk 'bouts this SODOMITE! This HOMERSEXUAL! This SON OF SATAN'S PIT!! This LIAR and DECEIVER!

That be rit! Ted has his one-ways ticket to HELL and he'll be rit there on his knees servicing Satan's wetback army!

Ted is an ABOMINATION direct from the VALLEY OF ABOMINATIONS AND DESOLATIONS!

I be callin down the BLOOD OF THE LAMB on his head! Ted be BURNIN soon in the FIRE LAKES OF HELL !!
...Uh, are you a nigra by any chance? Because you certainly do talk like one...


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#25)
Old
Brother Love's Avatar
Brother Love Brother Love is offline
Yes, THAT Brother Love!
True Christian™
 
Posts: 403
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Wherever Jesus Needs to Save Souls!!
Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.Brother Love has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-12-2006, 02:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
...Uh, are you a nigra by any chance? Because you certainly do talk like one...
No I growed up in the South and I be a Southern Baptist Evangelist with a Revival Tent Ministry brother.
Reply With Quote
(#26)
Old
Darren Ingram-Myers's Avatar
Darren Ingram-Myers Darren Ingram-Myers is offline
Liebral Girlie-Man
Forum Member

Uppity Woman/Enabler Bleeding heart liebral Fluffy bunny Full of it Commmmmunnissss Democrat

 
Posts: 163
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: a pedestrian-friendly community near main campus
Darren Ingram-Myers is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Darren Ingram-Myers is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Darren Ingram-Myers is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Darren Ingram-Myers is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Darren Ingram-Myers is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Darren Ingram-Myers is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Darren Ingram-Myers is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Darren Ingram-Myers is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Darren Ingram-Myers is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-12-2006, 03:49 AM

Maybe Pastor Ted was finally breaking free from the rigid confines of a racist, sexist, classist, heterosexist mindset. After all, he did care about global warming, improving health care, and ending racism.
Reply With Quote
(#27)
Old
Pastor Al E Pistle's Avatar
Pastor Al E Pistle Pastor Al E Pistle is offline
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
 
 
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
Pastor Al E Pistle has disabled reputation
Default Re: Homer Pastor Exposed - 11-12-2006, 07:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darren Ingram-Myers View Post
Maybe Pastor Ted was finally breaking free from the rigid confines of a racist, sexist, classist, heterosexist mindset. After all, he did care about global warming, improving health care, and ending racism.
SURE HE DID! HE CARED ABOUT FAGGY CAUSES BECAUSE HE IS A FAG! GET THEE BACK TO THY LIEBERAL UNIVERSITY, PAWN OF SATAN!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved