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Creation Science The origins of life and the earth from a creationist (Biblical) perspective.

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Default Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 02-26-2009, 07:02 PM

My atheist friends time taunt me with childish question like “show me any proof, no matter how vague of this existence of God.” While this is utterly disingenuous, proof of God’s existence is in all of our hearts as atheists well know, I suppose for the weak faith it is worth the effort of putting up a good example. So for my friends how there who persist in denying the existence of God here goes.

The cucumber: The cucumber sleek shape is the correct size of the human hand. While one can make the weak argument that cucumbers are just that size because apes eat them and Godly micro evolution caused this them to be convenient to a human sized hand no other primate we are supposedly related to eats the cucumber, only humans. This also makes the cucumber the optimal size to be inserted into a human bodily orifice, again there is no natural reason for this. Only humans are depraved enough to violate themselves with a vegetable. Cucumbers have a tough out skin that allows them to put up to resist repeated rubbing, like what will happen when a cucumber is inserted into a human bodily orifice for purulent reasons. Again, no natural reason for this.

Evolution can not explain the cucumber. So clearly the cucumber has a creator.

Who or what is so obsessed with what humans put into their bodies that it would create a vegetable to enable it? There is only one answer; the God of the Christian Bible. Sticking things into your bum is a major point of Christianity. It is the direst of sins and God is on the constant alert for it, He is utterly outraged by it and tests humanity for it relentlessly. Clearly cucumbers are created by God as a trap for any hidden self sodomites out there.

Game over Atheists.



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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 02-26-2009, 08:47 PM

Cucumbers are cold and slimy like snakes. I don't trust them.


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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 02-26-2009, 08:58 PM

Did Bobby-Joe break into the cache of confiscated cannabis?

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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 02-26-2009, 09:52 PM



Bobby-Joe, you have made me sneaky suspicious of a neighbor of mine. He's single, thin, well groomed (maybe a little TOO well groomed), and he grows CUCUMBERS along his fence every year. They are the short, fat, knobby kind, too. He claims to make pickles with them, but I don't believe him.

I'm thinking I ought to sneak into his yard late one night this summer, and spray some Round-Up for the Lord.

Pastor Billy-Reuben


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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 02-26-2009, 10:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post


Bobby-Joe, you have made me sneaky suspicious of a neighbor of mine. He's single, thin, well groomed (maybe a little TOO well groomed), and he grows CUCUMBERS along his fence every year. They are the short, fat, knobby kind, too. He claims to make pickles with them, but I don't believe him.

I'm thinking I ought to sneak into his yard late one night this summer, and spray some Round-Up for the Lord.

Pastor Billy-Reuben
Perhaps a good move Pastor. Who knows what your neighbor truly means by the word "pickle" and our Lord has tasked us with being our brother's keeper.



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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 02-27-2009, 06:49 AM

Grocery stores routinely oil up their cucumbers, to make them more attractive to customers. I wonder if they know that they're leading their customers down the sodomites' path to Hell.
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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 05-19-2009, 01:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Perhaps a good move Pastor. Who knows what your neighbor truly means by the word "pickle" and our Lord has tasked us with being our brother's keeper.
That neighbor's cucumber plants were starting to get tall, so I did like I said and sprayed them real good with Round-Up late Thursday night. By yesterday morning, they were dead.

I don't know who saw me and ratted me out, but he came over today banging on my door and demanding to know why I killed his cucumbers. I explained everything, and the look on his face was priceless. He looked like he didn't know whether to crack up laughing or punch me.

He told me I was crazy. Well, I'm not the one growing tough skinned phallic vegetables in the sight of a vengeful God. THAT'S crazy.

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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 06-15-2009, 05:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post


Bobby-Joe, you have made me sneaky suspicious of a neighbor of mine. He's single, thin, well groomed (maybe a little TOO well groomed), and he grows CUCUMBERS along his fence every year. They are the short, fat, knobby kind, too. He claims to make pickles with them, but I don't believe him.

I'm thinking I ought to sneak into his yard late one night this summer, and spray some Round-Up for the Lord.

Pastor Billy-Reuben
Be on your guard if you spray these wicked vegetables. I too suffered the humiliation of a wife that enjoyed her vegetables a little too much. I thought I would take the temptation from her and sprayed the evil penile veggies late one night. I did not think that the wicked desire would come over her in such haste again and she picked one of the cucumbers ( a big one, almost 10 inches long and as big as your forearm) a day after I sprayed them. Well......she's now as smooth as a cucumber. If you Know what I mean. The lord and herbicides work in mysterious ways.

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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 06-15-2009, 09:15 PM

I think ya gonna have to watch out for carrots as well.
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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 11-08-2011, 05:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post


Bobby-Joe, you have made me sneaky suspicious of a neighbor of mine. He's single, thin, well groomed (maybe a little TOO well groomed), and he grows CUCUMBERS along his fence every year. They are the short, fat, knobby kind, too. He claims to make pickles with them, but I don't believe him.

I'm thinking I ought to sneak into his yard late one night this summer, and spray some Round-Up for the Lord.

Pastor Billy-Reuben
have you not thought about the fact that your neighbor might just like the taste of cucumbers or pickles? seriously, you guys are far to judgmental.


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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 11-08-2011, 06:19 PM

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Originally Posted by truthrejecter View Post
have you not thought about the fact that your neighbor might just like the taste of cucumbers or pickles? seriously, you guys are far to judgmental.
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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 11-08-2011, 06:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by truthrejecter View Post
the taste of cucumbers or pickles?
That is disgusting. I just threw up a little in the back of my throat. Why would you bring up the taste of a vegetable people use to anally stimulate themselves? I am sure there is no flavor more disgusting than pickled anus. Eating vegetables used in anal sex is just as disgusting as the homer on homer contact that precedes it.


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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 11-09-2011, 03:37 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by truthrejecter View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post


Bobby-Joe, you have made me sneaky suspicious of a neighbor of mine. He's single, thin, well groomed (maybe a little TOO well groomed), and he grows CUCUMBERS along his fence every year. They are the short, fat, knobby kind, too. He claims to make pickles with them, but I don't believe him.

I'm thinking I ought to sneak into his yard late one night this summer, and spray some Round-Up for the Lord.

Pastor Billy-Reuben
have you not thought about the fact that your neighbor might just like the taste of cucumbers or pickles? seriously, you guys are far to judgmental.
Friend, I made that post almost three years ago. This thread is 35 pages now and if you haven't read the whole thing I don't blame you, but you may have missed my follow-up post where I confronted that neighbor and my suspicions were confirmed.

I'll post it again here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post
That neighbor's cucumber plants were starting to get tall, so I did like I said and sprayed them real good with Round-Up late Thursday night. By yesterday morning, they were dead.

I don't know who saw me and ratted me out, but he came over today banging on my door and demanding to know why I killed his cucumbers. I explained everything, and the look on his face was priceless. He looked like he didn't know whether to crack up laughing or punch me.

He told me I was crazy. Well, I'm not the one growing tough skinned phallic vegetables in the sight of a vengeful God. THAT'S crazy.
Pastor Billy-Reuben


Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 02-26-2009, 09:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Cucumbers are cold and slimy like snakes. I don't trust them.
You shouldn't brother. The only people who like cucumbers are wicked self-sodomizers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lazarus View Post
Did Bobby-Joe break into the cache of confiscated cannabis?

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Brother Lazarus

You seem rather defensive here brother. Is there something you would like to speak about?



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Default Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 06-14-2009, 06:26 PM

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
You shouldn't brother. The only people who like cucumbers are wicked self-sodomizers.
I like cucumbers.. therefore I like shoving them up my ... ?
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-21-2010, 10:04 PM

Hello, this is my first post and introducing yourself seems to be important so here goes. I want to church every once in awhile as a child, mostly with my sister who is now an extreme Christian. But I am an atheist, I do not claim that I know all of the answers to everything but I do believe the answers are out there and will someday be answered. I have my reasons for not believing in the bible but will not go into that since that is not the point of the post. But something I would like to point out in regards to this post is that I have never, and will never insert anything into my bum, ever. I have nothing against homos and am not going to tell them how to live or what to put where but I am not one of them.

Now on with the post.
You say that your explanation of cucumbers PROVE the existence of God, but how do you also explain Watermelons, Honeydew, Potatoes, Squash, or anything else that you can think of? And also, with the cucumbers I would like to know where in the Bible it explains your theory that they are a trap for people to use in such a disgusting way. And if it is not in the Bible then what makes you think that you are right without a shadow of a doubt?

I am not being mean, nor am I angry but I would like a legitimate reply and I would appreciate it if I was not automatically regarded as trash just because I do not share your religious believes.
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-21-2010, 10:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrashingBoy View Post
But I am an atheist, I do not claim that I know all of the answers
Ok, that's fair.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrashingBoy View Post
I have never, and will never insert anything into my bum, ever
Ah, good to know. Many people fail to mention these things in their first post.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrashingBoy View Post
You say that your explanation of cucumbers PROVE the existence of God, but how do you also explain Watermelons, Honeydew, Potatoes, Squash, or anything else that you can think of?
We know God created everything, so also all these things you mention.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrashingBoy View Post
And if it is not in the Bible then what makes you think that you are right without a shadow of a doubt?
You must have misread or misunderstood something. We are sure about everything in the Bible. There can only be doubt about things that are not in the Bible.

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Originally Posted by ThrashingBoy View Post
I am not being mean, nor am I angry
That is nice of you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrashingBoy View Post
I was not automatically regarded as trash just because I do not share your religious believes.
I am afraid we cannot do that for you.


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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-21-2010, 11:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post

We know God created everything, so also all these things you mention.
But since the Bible explains everything for you I would like to know where it says that cucumbers are a trap for people who wish to use them in such a way. And if it doesn't explain it then how can he say for certain that he is correct about his theory.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post

I am afraid we cannot do that for you.
So if people do not share your views then they are automatically lesser people than you? It was my understanding that God loved all his children the same, why don't you love all your brothers and sisters the same as God does?
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-21-2010, 11:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrashingBoy View Post
So if people do not share your views then they are automatically lesser people than you?
Not lesser. But they will burn in hell for all eternity.


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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
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Default Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists - 01-21-2010, 10:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrashingBoy View Post
Now on with the post.
You say that your explanation of cucumbers PROVE the existence of God, but how do you also explain Watermelons, Honeydew, Potatoes, Squash, or anything else that you can think of? And also, with the cucumbers I would like to know where in the Bible it explains your theory that they are a trap for people to use in such a disgusting way. And if it is not in the Bible then what makes you think that you are right without a shadow of a doubt?
Logic:

Question: How is the cucumber created?
Consideration: There is no natural reason for vegetables you can stick up your behind.
Conclusion: Cucumbers are deigned by a intelligence who understands humans want to stick things up their behinds.

Next

Question: What intelligence would designed behind stickable vegetables?
Consideration: The God of the Bible is the only intelligent designer interested in what people put in their behinds
Conclusion: God, and only God created the cucumber.

I think that is clear enough.



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