Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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True Christian™ Theologian
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-20-2006, 01:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Don't worry. I'm a proud Pagan, I don't want anyone thinking I'm an xtian. But, you may be right, he might be thinking of xtians other than you landover baptist weirdos.
WE are the Christians, it's the false Christians who are the weirdos.
Despite God telling us clearly what He wants (in the KJV1611 Bible) they keep on preaching another gospel.
They are either very stupid or false teachers, yet they'll still go to hell no matter what reasons they have..
So it doesn't really matter in the end.
I don't eat them either. Why do you think they're in Freehold? I didn't want them in my cave, and seeing as I was in that cave because of you guys, I figured your place would be the most logical to send all those spiders.
Well, I don't live in Freehold, foolish woman.
I haven't bought any mansion there.. yet.
And I've only visited once, when I got rid of my bastard "son".
Anyways..
I don't think it was that which he was using for shock value. I believe it was the drugs, piercings, black clothing, and heavy metal music.
Well, that's not the part you went yap yap yap about..
But I suppose that to a heathen like you:
A person living celibate, taking care of his parents from their basement (thus not defiling their rooms with his ungodly presence.)
Is more of a freak than someone who takes drugs, pierces himself and listen to metal..
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May the Lord bless you with insight of His true nature and your role in life, or may He grant you the painful doom that you deserve.
Amen.
If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
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Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-20-2006, 01:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SalvationSeeker
Nope, that's where you're wrong.
You have just have commited the unforgivable sin of blaspheming the holy ghost. (Just read the Bible.)
That means that whatever you do, the Lord will never forgive you.
YOUR PLACE IN HELL IS NOW GUARANTEED!
So who's laughing now?
Jesus Christ, Saviour of Mankind is. He who is going to kill you and throw you into the eternal fire!
That's who.
As for us, we haven't sinned since we became True Christians, and we never did commit the sin of blashpeming the holy ghost either.
So you'll be in hell, while we'll be in Heaven, laughing.
So yeah, we're going to see each other (the holy Bible tells us that you can see hell from Heaven, and vice versa.) but you will be in eternal suffering...
While we on the other hand, will live in Paradise, with Jesus, forever.
PRAISE JESUS!
Can I get an Amen, my brothers and sisters?
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Amen!
This vile sinner does indeed have a non-returnable ticket for the No. 666 express bus to hell.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-20-2006, 02:28 AM
Can I get another A-MEN? There's a Flag wrapped around a score of Men!
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Yes, THAT Brother Love!
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-20-2006, 03:15 AM
AMEN Sister Sue Vera!!
AMEN!!
Get that SINNER who has ALREADY gots reservation in the BURNIN PIT!!
No refunds either!!
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-20-2006, 08:20 PM
Well, thanks for clearing it up, i was just wondering if i WAS gauranteed a place in the eternal fires of hell, and, since you nice folks have said yes, then i guess a thanks are in order for letting me know. Hope you all have a nice day, i'll give you a wave from Cocytus.
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Christ's Love Messenger
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-20-2006, 08:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by undeservingofaname
Well, thanks for clearing it up, i was just wondering if i WAS gauranteed a place in the eternal fires of hell, and, since you nice folks have said yes, then i guess a thanks are in order for letting me know.
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Don't let that stop you from trying the suspension thing; you never know. Maybe if you suspended from your eyeballs Jesus would be impressed.
Oh, and send along a little video for our Christmas party would you? Nothing like a condemned sinner trying to say he's sorry to get the crowd going.
Dean
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Christian Poet Emeritus
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-29-2006, 09:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera
I Love it! Absolutely!!!
Now what about some Cool Yule verses about Jesus' Circie?
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The New New Year's Yule
It's the season to break Reason
after Christmas bells;
comes this day we start anew,
when Jews retrim the Infant's choo.
Happy New Year Christ-child dear;
they slit your hood so good.
May you be mild and never wild
for this second birth of You
circumcising this new year.
Last edited by Poetic Peter; 11-29-2006 at 10:11 AM.
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Christian Poet Emeritus
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-29-2006, 10:46 AM
It's very imperfect but it's only a first draft.
Here's the basic tune--pardon my croak--Lucky Strikes
http://img177.imageshack.us/my.php?i...ound197ti0.swf
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-29-2006, 05:48 PM
Brother Peter, I'm sure the Christ Child is smiling in His Cradle in His Manger after that very fine piece!
Assuming, of course, that the worst part of His Pain has gone away....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poetic Peter
The New New Year's Yule
It's the season to break Reason
after Christmas bells;
comes this day we start anew,
when Jews retrim the Infant's choo.
Happy New Year Christ-child dear;
they slit your hood so good.
May you be mild and never wild
for this second birth of You
circumcising this new year.
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On Extended Furlough
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
11-29-2006, 07:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deaner
Maybe if you suspended from your eyeballs Jesus would be impressed.
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Izz dere candees in da peenyata, Senor Neez?
Sorry, Rosa got at the computer.
She wants to know if there will be candy in the pinata. I think she'd like to take a whack!
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Nasty and Mean-Spirited
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 02:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by undeservingofaname
I would like to ask of anyone who would care to answer if i am assured of a place in hell.
I have
Taken Cannabis, LSA, Base (unrefined speed), Speed, Ecstasy, MDMA (Methylenedioxymethamphetamine) and Cocaine. So have they.
Drunk large quantities of Alcohol.
Indulged in sexual activites with girls, but not with boys or men.
Gotten pierced twice and tattooed once.
Bought and worn lots of Black clothing and band paraphenalia.
Bought and listened to (and sung along to) many records including those of Marilyn Manson Rocks., Ministry, Anaal Nathrakh, Black Sabbath, David Bowie, KMFDM, Napalm Death, The Berzerker, The Cure and Zyklon.
Associated with and befriended people who indulge in many of the above activities.
Cut and mutilated my own flesh and the flesh of others, though i have not murdered or incapacitated another human being.
Drunk the blood of others.
Written what would probably be interpreted as blasphemous and / or satanistic lyrics.
I dislike excessive sunlight and heat and i will seek shade.
I have disregarded nearly every authority figure which has been presented to me, however i have not disregarded my parents.
I believe that i should put myself before a lot of people, though not everyone. As an example i would l put myself before people who are addicted to things and many politicians. I would not put myself before people who are employed within the emergency services.
I do not class myself as a goth however.
My question, as stated at the top is this, 'Am i assured a place in Hell?'
I also have another question, which is this:
Is suspension ungodly if you are doing it to atone for sin?
suspension is: - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suspens...odification%29
Thankyou for taking the time to respond.
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That question can't be answered. There is no proof that there even is a Hell or a heaven. Nor can you take any answers from these people, because they're all crazy. And almost anything you say is blasphemous because the bible contradicts itself. It's also immoral. Don't follow the bible literally. You might end up being a Landover Baptist, i.e. a lunatic.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 06:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by hellion
Nor can you take any answers from these people, because they're all crazy. And almost anything you say is blasphemous because the bible contradicts itself. It's also immoral. Don't follow the bible literally. You might end up being a Landover Baptist, i.e. a lunatic.
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SHUT UP YOU TIT! There is nothing crazy about believing in JESUS!
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 07:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
SHUT UP YOU TIT! There is nothing crazy about believing in JESUS!
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That is correct. Believing in Jesus is definitely not crazy. Neither is ignoring science just because a 2000yo book says so.
The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
Exodus 15:3
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 07:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tommy
That is correct. Believing in Jesus is definitely not crazy. Neither is ignoring science just because a 2000yo book says so.
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The Bible was written less than four hundred years ago in 1611.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 07:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
The Bible was written less than four hundred years ago in 1611.
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You're absolutely correct.
At least the main plot is the same...
The Lord is a man of war: the Lord is his name.
Exodus 15:3
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 08:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by tommy
You're absolutely correct.
At least the main plot is the same...
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Friend,
If you're wrong about a basic point as to when the KJV1611 Bible was written by God then how can you possible be correct about the rest. That is why I place my trust in Jesus, He is never wrong. PRAISE!
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 09:08 PM
Am I the only person here who sees that Tommy needs a date with a rolled-up newspaper?!
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 09:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees
Am I the only person here who sees that Tommy needs a date with a rolled-up newspaper?!
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No.... and a squirt bottle.
Baaaad boy! Baaaaaad!
Sit! Stay!
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 09:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees
Am I the only person here who sees that Tommy needs a date with a rolled-up newspaper?!
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Could have been worse - he could have been a real basset
Last edited by SUV; 12-07-2006 at 09:39 PM.
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Re: Am i assured a place in Hell? -
12-07-2006, 09:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera
Could have been worse - he could have been a real basset
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A pain in the Basset, more like!
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