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Default How Landover Baptist Church has Existed Since Creation - 05-22-2010, 05:53 PM

People often give me funny looks when I reply to their question, "what church do you attend?"

I always say, "The Church that has existed since GOD first made Adam. (And Eve.)"

Most often they assume I'm Catholic, at which point I have to rebuke them firmly before explaining that I attend Landover Baptist Church.

I then explain that Landover Baptist Church has been around since Adam. (And Eve.)

Throughout time, there has always been a very small sect of people who do everything GOD commands and worship Him perfectly. The size of that group has seen many changes and gone through many transformations, but it has always existed.

I think of these brave believers as torch-bearers who carry GOD's light to all the world. When they dropped the torch, somebody else was there to pick it up, somebody like us. Pure, 100 percent righteous people who know the entire truth like us have always existed, and we can safely call them Landover Baptists. They'd be indecipherable from us.

This torch has traveled the world and been carried by many, and it eventually came into the hands of Landover Baptist Church. I am proud to say we've been carrying this torch for hundreds of years, and will probably have it until the Second Coming of CHRIST.

So to all the other religions out there, you really are wrong and we really are right.



The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
- Proverbs 15:3

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Default Re: How Landover Baptist Church has Existed Since Creation - 05-22-2010, 08:41 PM

Do you know Brother B4G that was something that needed saying! All too often we assume that any reasonable person knows that Landover Baptist Church (God’s Favourite Church in God’s Favourite Country) is, and always has been the home of the Only True Religion, the Only Way to Salvation and the Only Church, so certain in its Faith, that gives a money-back guarantee!

It bears repeating that
1. All worshipers of false gods are hell-bound (Hindoos, Wiccans, Catholics, Islamists, Shinto-ers, etc.).
2. All those whose delusions lead them to follow false prophets (Methodists, Lutherans, LDS, Jehovah's Witnesses, Wesleyans, Quakers, Amish, etc.) are hell-bound and
3. Those who deny God are hell-bound





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: How Landover Baptist Church has Existed Since Creation - 05-23-2010, 02:41 AM

Thank you for pointing this out Brother Bob. It's worth reminding everyone that True Christian™ is not just a registered trademark of Americhrist Ltd., the corporate parent of our church and holder of all registered trademarks, but something that has existed in spirit for generations. Of course there were True Christians™ who believed what we, Landover Baptist, believe, but there was no copyright law back then, and no physical Landover Baptist Church in Iowa. Heck, Iowa wasn't even discovered by human beings until the Europeans came over in the 1600s.

One of the more famous and original True Christians™ was Noah. Reading about Noah in the Bible is just like reading about our own Pastor Deacon Fred.

Genesis, Chapter 6
5And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
6And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.
7And the LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.
8But Noah found grace in the eyes of the LORD.
9These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God.



We can see from these verses that God was full of intense ire at the world for being wicked. He decided to punish everyone by killing every man, woman, child, infant, and animal in a flood. He wanted the entire world to suffer the agony of drowning which is one of the most painful ways to die.


Except for Noah. Noah was the only righteous man on the face of the Earth! The Bible tells us he was just, but also perfect in his generations which means he did not mix with lesser races. This sounds just like Landover Baptist Church, does it not? The only righteous people in the world, who God loves more than anyone else, and if there was to be a worldwide cataclysm (and we pray fervently for there to be so!), we know our church will be saved by God and taken by the Rapture.



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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Default Re: How Landover Baptist Church has Existed Since Creation - 05-24-2010, 10:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
Reading about Noah in the Bible is just like reading about our own Pastor Deacon Fred.
How true. Except, of course, that Pastor Deacon Fred's sons never uncovered his tallywhacker like that negro son of Noah did.


A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back. Proverbs 26:3
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Default Re: How Landover Baptist Church has Existed Since Creation - 05-25-2010, 11:36 PM

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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
How true. Except, of course, that Pastor Deacon Fred's sons never uncovered his tallywhacker like that negro son of Noah did.
Well, we cannot really hold a father accountable for what a foolish son does, can we? If so, I'm in deep crap because my oldest is a dope-smoking useless piece of crap that does nothing all day. I swear, sometimes I think I beat the sense right out of that boy at too young an age..
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