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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-12-2006, 11:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dameon_Alucard View Post
Dameon actually means 'To tame' you dumb POO-HEAD and Alucard is Dracula backwards.



And I'm not the kid here.
Young man, this is a Godly forum, in spite of the rantings of the rather unhinged newbie Son of Sam there.

You're more than welcome to discuss views which do not agree with ours, but please express yourself in a polite manner, without profane language.

You may also wish to start your own introductory thread and let us know your beliefs.
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-12-2006, 11:09 PM

Do I want him to use my given name when I'm around him? yea, I've given it some thought. I can only go so long being refered to as 'boy' before it pisses me off.
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-12-2006, 11:11 PM

Sorry, about the swearing
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-12-2006, 11:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dameon_Alucard View Post
I can only go so long being refered to as 'boy' before it pisses me off annoys me.
Or you can chill out a bit, and start an introductory thread to tell us your beliefs.

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Sorry, about the swearing
Good man.
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-13-2006, 12:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
This person seems to be obsessed with coneys
Maybe he Ate a bad Hot Dog, Pastor In Paper Moon, the Dad called them "Coney Islands."
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-13-2006, 12:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dameon_Alucard View Post
You're such a jerk. You have to make up stories 'cause you can't think of anything better to do with your life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dameon_Alucard View Post
So you guys think that if I give you money then god will accept me, a guy whose last girlfriend liked to drink blood and had this really sexy thing she did with her tongue. Someone who just last week was in lock up for armed robbery, I mean a few years ago I was selling crack to people at my high school.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-13-2006, 12:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SONOGOD, jr. View Post
I am neither bald nor in an airport, oh Pastor of Perdition!
Dear bunny boy. I shan't waste my time quoting from the Good Book to you since you are clearly a reptile of SATAN. However, I am aware of the proper procedure for sending you back to your dark master, Hitlery Klingon. Please present yourself at Landover Baptist with all of your earthly possessions and we will schedule a proper exorcism..assuming you survive the initial interrogation.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-13-2006, 01:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SONODOG, jr. View Post
As I expected, the Chief shepherd of Satan's flock is the first to respond -- and with a Satanic slur, no less!

I CAST THEE OUT, thee servant of the Horned One! I shalt have no TRUCK with thee, or thy Unholy Imprecations! See if I don't Snub Thee at ice cream socials and the like!

Do not call down my Holy Wrath™, for I am mickle Powerful and likely to break out into Tongues and describe that magazine you were ogling down at the 7-11 at 11:32 PM last Thursday, PRAISE MY VIDEO CAMERA!
Boy ya is DELUSIONAL and badly in need of some help!! Do ya think ya are JC come again? Well you are NOT! All you do is insult and slur God's ONLY TRUE CHRISTIAN CHURCH, Landover Baptist, so why are ya here? And callin Pastor Al, our GOD ANOINTED LEADER, the "Chief Shepherd of Satan's Flock" is an ABOMINATION and constitutes BLASMPHEMY!! How dare you refer to our esteem GOD ANOINTED PROPHET like that! You better spend some time out back in the latrine and REPENTING of your most recent SINS.


Evangelist for Jesus and The Word!!

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15


"Prayer should be your first resource. Not your last resort!!"
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-13-2006, 02:45 PM

The Suspected Witch and self-confessed female Rachael Van Helsing wrote:

"I'm confused. All throughout this thread you were calling the landoverites hellbound hellspawn. And yet, now, you're calling them the righteous and the faithful. Make up your mind, which is it?"

My own studies of Holy Scripture have revealed to me that only 144 souls will actually enter into the Kingdom of Heaven at the Last Day of Judgement.

Minus myself, that only leaves 143 souls. I have accounted for another 11, which brings our total of Heaven-bound Born Agains to 132.

Now, subtract the 11 Apostles, for a total of 121. Now subtract Mary, the mother of Jesus, who shall enter in unto the streets of Glory despite being born a sinful woman, and we have 120 slots left.

Subtract the thief on the cross for 119. Now subtract another four persons mentioned in Scripture, for 115.

Now my calculations become less than precise. My own estimates suggest that 0.05 persons are actually Born Again every year -- which means that 100 people, or should I say men, have been saved since the Crucifiction.

In summary, there are no more than a dozen souls now walking the Earth who can claim to be True Saved Christians. I am one, leaving ten or perhaps eleven.

Eleven out of six billion. Those are the odds that anyone at Landover Baptist are actually saved.

Nevertheless, I have high hopes of finding another actual Brother in Christ. Pastor Ezekiel shows great promise, as does Sister Vera, who is probably damned for her sinful gender, but cuts a mean figure in a choir robe nonetheless.

Does that clarify my stance?
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-13-2006, 03:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SONODOG, jr. View Post
...I have high hopes of finding another actual Brother in Christ. Pastor Ezekiel shows great promise, as does Sister Vera, who is probably damned for her sinful gender, but cuts a mean figure in a choir robe nonetheless.
And out of one too, might I add!

Brother! Although you are so new here that I should perhaps be shunning you (not in any 'mormon'-ic sort of way, of course) might I ask you a rather personal question?

"Have you done your CHRISTMAS SHOPPING yet?"
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-13-2006, 03:39 PM

I am happy to answer any questions you might present, Sister Vera!

I have indeed purchased several small but hideously expensive gifts, since I feel it is my duty to make more pleasant the short Earthly lives of my associates since they will after all spend an eternity being tortured in Hell for their numerous and sundry acts of Sin.

I hope my comment about your figure was not misinterpreted as a statement of carnal lust. But as the Good Book says, in the Song of Solomon,

"Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies."

It's just that I enjoy the sight of deer, especially when they feed among the lillies, as it were.
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-13-2006, 03:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SONODOG, jr. View Post
It's just that I enjoy the sight of deer, especially when they feed among the lillies, as it were.
I sure Hope that un$avED Lilith doesn't butt in on this, Brother, thinking that this is all about her! As these folks are too dumb to even comprehend JESUS, it's all too likely that she'd see "lillies" as a variation of the spelling of her Name.

(Just ignore her if she pops in, okay? I have it on Good Authority that she is a "Night Hag.")
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Default Re: Hell-o, You Godless Sinners! - 12-13-2006, 03:50 PM

Thank you for the godly warning, Sister Vera! I am forever in your debt.

Though I would be suspicious of any soul named "Lillith," given the unHoly implications that name bears!

Speaking of thighs, I'm sure that once again the Song of Solomon sums up yours, as in Chapter 7, verse 1:

"How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince's daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman."
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