[Old Man Hatchet]

My 16 month old grandson has developed a habit of shamefully playing with his choo-choo. He tugs on it and kneads it with his grubby little fingers, often giggling with pleasure and beaming with pride that he is serving his master, Satan. The child's mother, my daughter, finds this behavior "cute" and claims all little boys indulge themselves in this manner. "Why," she said, "even the baby Jesus probably did a bit of exploring." I thrashed her without hesitation for this glib remark.

Friends, I never touched myself in this fashion, and the result is the pillar of virtue that writes this post today. Young boys that fondle their genitals grow up to be perverts.



If you permit your infant son to gratify himself, you might as well take him to a Chinkie massage parlor. It's no different in the eyes of the Lord.

I am seeking True Christian™ recommendations on how to deal with this unsavoriness.