Focus on Family - Christian Parenting A place where parents can get good Godly advice on how to raise a family: how to properly administer corporal punishment, which movies to avoid, and more! |
|
Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,071
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Choo-choo Choking -
10-04-2006, 11:54 PM
My 16 month old grandson has developed a habit of shamefully playing with his choo-choo. He tugs on it and kneads it with his grubby little fingers, often giggling with pleasure and beaming with pride that he is serving his master, Satan. The child's mother, my daughter, finds this behavior "cute" and claims all little boys indulge themselves in this manner. "Why," she said, "even the baby Jesus probably did a bit of exploring." I thrashed her without hesitation for this glib remark.
Friends, I never touched myself in this fashion, and the result is the pillar of virtue that writes this post today. Young boys that fondle their genitals grow up to be perverts.
If you permit your infant son to gratify himself, you might as well take him to a Chinkie massage parlor. It's no different in the eyes of the Lord.
I am seeking True Christian™ recommendations on how to deal with this unsavoriness.
|
|
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
|
|
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Touching -
10-05-2006, 12:01 AM
Brother, I have several gallons of highly refined capsaicin oil which you can smear on your grandson's hands. If he touches his choo-choo with that he will NEVER touch it again.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
|
|
True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
|
|
Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 12:06 AM
I keep hearing all this talk of choo-choos around here. I was going to ask Jesus for one for Christmas because I wanted one really bad - like the one I played with as a young girl - but apparently they have now gone out of style and are considered a Bad thing. Humbugs.
All Right - How about a great big old stuffed thing then? Maybe Barney?
SUV
|
|
Wretched Unsaved Goth Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 844
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ...
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 12:28 AM
What will you do about it then?
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 521
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Somewhere in Miami Beach....
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 12:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi
What will you do about it then?
|
Who are you talking to and do about what??
Moon
You pray...I dance naked in the forest
|
|
Wretched Unsaved Goth Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 844
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ...
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 12:38 AM
What will he do about his grandson playing with himself?
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 521
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Somewhere in Miami Beach....
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 12:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi
What will he do about his grandson playing with himself?
|
Ah, well I don't think he's gotten enough advise on the matter to make a dicision. Got any ideas? I sure as hell don't.
Moon
You pray...I dance naked in the forest
|
|
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
|
|
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 12:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonFlower
Ah, well I don't think he's gotten enough advise on the matter to make a dicision. Got any ideas? I sure as hell don't.
Moon
|
We usually recommend that you take a small ruler and ~WHAP~ his choo-choo every time he touches it. Aversion therapy it's called.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
|
|
HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Touching -
10-05-2006, 01:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
Brother, I have several gallons of highly refined capsaicin oil which you can smear on your grandson's hands. Of he touches his choo-choo with that he will NEVER touch it again.
|
Really, Pastor? I'm surprised you didn't suggest tiger balm or chili oil.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
|
|
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
|
|
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Touching -
10-05-2006, 01:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Really, Pastor? I'm surprised you didn't suggest tiger balm or chili oil.
|
Chili oil is a weak sister of this stuff. It's only a couple percent capsaicin.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
|
|
True Christian™
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 217
Join Date: Oct 2006
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 01:36 AM
I am a bit put off that nobody has suggested a good Godly spankning! My daddy would have given me the buggy whip if he had caught me playing with my wedding tackle. You'd best tell that toddler that if he touches it again Jesus is gonna turn him into a Barbie Doll!
|
|
HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Touching -
10-05-2006, 01:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
Chili oil is a weak sister of this stuff. It's only a couple percent capsaicin.
|
If you put anything like that on his hands, it's unlikely he would touch ANYTHING again.
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
|
|
True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
|
|
Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 02:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi
What will he do about his grandson playing with himself?
|
Why of course he'll enroll him in a Children's Playgroup immediately! How horrible for a Christian Child to be looked upon as some sort of Dreaded Loner!
SUV
|
|
compassion personified
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,721
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Zealand
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 04:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer Christianson
I am a bit put off that nobody has suggested a good Godly spankning! My daddy would have given me the buggy whip if he had caught me playing with my wedding tackle. You'd best tell that toddler that if he touches it again Jesus is gonna turn him into a Barbie Doll!
|
I pray the boy should be so lucky. However, Brother Hatchet could place a tightly-wound rubber band around the offending choo-choo (and those other bobbly bits); the infant would soon associate his groin with terrible pain, which only abates with the blackening and the dropping-off of his unmentionables ... behold, a new Eunuch for Christ©.
|
|
God Squad
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 9,322
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: rebuking eurotrash commies
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 11:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet
My 16 month old grandson has developed a habit of shamefully playing with his choo-choo. He tugs on it and kneads it with his grubby little fingers, often giggling with pleasure and beaming with pride that he is serving his master, Satan. The child's mother, my daughter, finds this behavior "cute" and claims all little boys indulge themselves in this manner. "Why," she said, "even the baby Jesus probably did a bit of exploring." I thrashed her without hesitation for this glib remark.
Friends, I never touched myself in this fashion, and the result is the pillar of virtue that writes this post today. Young boys that fondle their genitals grow up to be perverts.
If you permit your infant son to gratify himself, you might as well take him to a Chinkie massage parlor. It's no different in the eyes of the Lord.
I am seeking True Christian™ recommendations on how to deal with this unsavoriness.
|
Swaddling is the answer.
Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
|
|
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
|
|
Hands Off Anti-Masturbatory Gum -
10-05-2006, 02:08 PM
This is what I give Tater.
I know your Grandson is much younger, but it's worth a try. Duct tape works well too.
Helpful, Sister Thumper
|
|
True Christian™ Theologian
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 3,979
Join Date: Sep 2006
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-05-2006, 09:12 PM
I suggest that you make him a Godly eunuch for the sake of heaven.
For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men:
and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
Matthew 19:12
I am sure that Jesus will guide you in this decision.
Praise!
If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
|
|
Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,071
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-07-2006, 12:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers
I pray the boy should be so lucky. However, Brother Hatchet could place a tightly-wound rubber band around the offending choo-choo (and those other bobbly bits); the infant would soon associate his groin with terrible pain, which only abates with the blackening and the dropping-off of his unmentionables ... behold, a new Eunuch for Christ©.
|
Thank you to all for the creative suggestions. After a great deal of deliberation, I am opting for Mrs. Rogers' compassionate advice. The boy will be able to sing like an angel and will surely be the star of the church choir. It would be cruel not to let his naughty bits fall off like rotten fruit. Besides, I have plenty of other grandsons to carry on the Hatchet name.
|
|
Wretched Unsaved Goth Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 844
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ...
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-07-2006, 01:02 AM
Don't hurt him. If you want him to stop, just use the oil pastor suggested.
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
|
|
Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 2,071
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Choo-choo Choking -
10-07-2006, 01:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ixi
Don't hurt him. If you want him to stop, just use the oil pastor suggested.
|
Sorry, young lady. When I first caught him making his hand the conductor of his choo-choo, I boxed his ears. To my dismay, the revolting child appeared to derive pleasure from it. I'm afraid he is a bit of a masochist, and therefore no amount of punishment will stop him from his "train rides." It's better to get rid of the problem completely. And believe me, if you could hear the church choir as of late, you would agree with my decision.
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|