[Witch Hammer]

How do you get a hippy pregnant?

Spill your seed on the ground and let the flies do the rest!

[arthur frayn]

How do you tell the Irish from the Scots?

The Irish pray on their knees,

The Scots prey on their neighbors.

[Witch Hammer]

What do you call a blonde doing a hand stand?

A brunette with bad breath.

[Mother Of Seven]

A woman goes to the doctor with severe bruises and lacerations.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later, the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

[Submissive wife]

A nancy boy walked into a bar; it was a cast iron bar with a serrated edge, it took his head clean off.. Haha.

[Russell Holbeck]

Hello Landover Baptist Church.

Here is a joke my Catholic neighbor told me she smells like lavender:

A Chinese man opened a dry cleaning store next to a convent. The Chinese man went to the convent and knocked on the door and a nun answered and the Chinese man asked her if she had any dirty habits.

I do not think the nun answered him maybe I forgot the rest of the joke.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Wandering Minstrel]

I haven't posted in a mighty long time
and alas my jest doth not even rhyme
but tis very funny and tis also true
I copied and pasted it just for you!



A doctor from France says: "In France, the medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6 weeks he is looking for work." The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work." A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work." The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you are way behind us in the USA, about 5 years ago, we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no balls and we made him President of the United States, and now....... the whole #$%$ country is looking for work!

[Elijah Mee, PhD]

What's the difference between my coffee and my women? I like my coffee black.

How is society like a washing machine? Whites shouldn't mix with blacks.

[LordBoneHead]

Black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder

Bartender asks "Hey man where'd you get that thing?"

Parrot replies, "Africa man, there's thousands of 'em"

[Elijah Mee, PhD]

Originally Posted by LordBoner

Black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder

Bartender asks "Hey man where'd you get that thing?"

Parrot replies, "Africa man, there's thousands of 'em"

Classic.

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland? There aren't three wise men there!

[Bjorn Jensen]

What do you call a white man surrounded by 5 negros?
- A victim

What do you call a white man surrounded by 500 negros?
- A prison warden

[arthur frayn]

What do you say to a negroe in a 3-piece suit?






"Will the defendent please rise"



OK, so this guy goes to his pastor and asks, "Father, my dog died and I wonder if you can perform a funeral mass for him?"

The priest says "We really dont have services for dogs in the church, but try the baptists down the block, who knows what they might do"

Guy says "OK, I'll thy them. Do you think $5,000 would cover a nice service?"

The priest says "Oh, you didnt tell me the dog was catholic"

[Titus Templeton]

Pope Francis suspects his emeritus Benedict of messing with his favorite altar boy, so he puts a guillotine chastity belt on him.
He returns from a foreign tour, and has all bishops line up and strip. Every one is missing their penis, except Benedict.
Pope Francis falls to his knees, cries, "Benedict, you are the only honest person here. What can I do to regain your trust?"
Benedict replies, "Mppphfggggll."

[Witch Hammer]

Nobody could tell a Polack joke like Ronald Regan!

"How do you tell the Polish one at a cockfight?"
"He's the one with the duck."
"How do you tell the Italian?"
"He bet on the duck."
"How do you know the Mafia is there?"
"The duck wins."

Aside from being a good joke, it is also very informative. Its difficult to tell the difference between a polack and a wop, on account of all subhumans looking alike.

See you in Heaven, Gip!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

So Robin Williams walks into heaven......

and says:
"Robin, tell me one funny joke and I'll let you into Heaven."

Robin replies:
"Sure, ok. One day I was really depressed and waited for to answer my prayers, what do you think happened?"

responds:
"Hmmm, I don't know."

Robin says:
"He left me hanging!"

:
"Hahahaha, welcome to Heaven my son."

[Phalanx]

Abdul Hajiakmar, a savage jihadist kills himself while blowing up a school as a human bomb.

He arrives at the pearly gates and is greeted by St. Peter. Abdul asks Peter if he can enter and meet Allah.

St. Peter point to a huge palace of gold and told him that that is where Allah lives. Abdul enters the castle and asks if he may meet Allah. The receptionist tells him to go up the majestic stairway on the other side of the room.

Abdul goes up the stairs and arrives at a beautiful suite of rooms. There in the center of the suite is a man sitting on a throne surrounded by faithful followers. Abdul approaches and asks if he is Allah. The man on the throne said no, I am Buddha, Allah lives upstairs.

Abdul climbs another set of stairs and enters a more beautiful suite than the one below. Sitting on a throne is a man. Abdul asks if he is Allah and the man replies no, I am Zeus, Allah lives upstairs.

Abdul goes up another flight of stairs and enters an even greater suite with angels and people worshiping a man on a throne. The man approaches the throne and asks if it is Allah. No my son said the man on the throne, my name is Jesus. Allah lives up stairs.

As Abdul climbs the next flight of stairs, he is besides himself with the knowledge that Allah is higher than even Jesus. At the to, he enters the most beautiful and ornate suite imaginable. Sitting on a throne was a man dressed in flowing white robes. Abdul asks if he is Allah. The man replies no, I am God, Lord of all True Christians.

At this point Abdul is beside himself, this must mean that Allah is above even the Christian God.

God looks at Abdul and says you must be thirsty from climbing all of those stairs. Abdul admits that he is and asks if he may have some tea. God says of course you may and I will join you.

God claps his hand twice and yells to the back of the suite "Allah, bring us two cup of tea and make it snappy"

[Scott Richards]

Originally Posted by Phalanx

Abdul Hajiakmar, a savage jihadist kills himself while blowing up a school as a human bomb.

He arrives at the pearly gates and is greeted by St. Peter. Abdul asks Peter if he can enter and meet Allah.

St. Peter point to a huge palace of gold and told him that that is where Allah lives. Abdul enters the castle and asks if he may meet Allah. The receptionist tells him to go up the majestic stairway on the other side of the room.

Abdul goes up the stairs and arrives at a beautiful suite of rooms. There in the center of the suite is a man sitting on a throne surrounded by faithful followers. Abdul approaches and asks if he is Allah. The man on the throne said no, I am Buddha, Allah lives upstairs.

Abdul climbs another set of stairs and enters a more beautiful suite than the one below. Sitting on a throne is a man. Abdul asks if he is Allah and the man replies no, I am Zeus, Allah lives upstairs.

Abdul goes up another flight of stairs and enters an even greater suite with angels and people worshiping a man on a throne. The man approaches the throne and asks if it is Allah. No my son said the man on the throne, my name is Jesus. Allah lives up stairs.

As Abdul climbs the next flight of stairs, he is besides himself with the knowledge that Allah is higher than even Jesus. At the to, he enters the most beautiful and ornate suite imaginable. Sitting on a throne was a man dressed in flowing white robes. Abdul asks if he is Allah. The man replies no, I am God, Lord of all True Christians.

At this point Abdul is beside himself, this must mean that Allah is above even the Christian God.

God looks at Abdul and says you must be thirsty from climbing all of those stairs. Abdul admits that he is and asks if he may have some tea. God says of course you may and I will join you.

God claps his hand twice and yells to the back of the suite "Allah, bring us two cup of tea and make it snappy"

May I ask why the Muslim Hitler is in heaven at all? Pathetic joke.

[Witch Hammer]

How can you spot the irishman in a convalescent home?

He's the one blowing the foam off the bedpans!

[Russell Holbeck]

Q: Do you know why Jehovah's Witnesses hate Halloween.

A: Because they do not like strangers knocking on their door.

Thank you.

Rusty