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Brothers: I need your help. -
08-18-2010, 10:28 PM
Brothers, a most strange thing has happened to me and I need your guidance.
Last week, a new tenant moved into the trailer park. Since I’m the manager, she had to clear it with me.
She told me she had a single-wide and would need only one lot. The trailer was of recent vintage and met our requirements, so I told her it was okay to move in.
She paid three months rental up front. Her application showed her name as one Golda Feldman. Her previous address was somewhere in New Jersey. She appeared to be of the jooish persuasion and, since New Jersey is mostly wops involved in the mafia, I wasn’t all that concerned.
After the trailer was sited I dropped by to make sure everything was okay.
While I was inspecting the premises she approached me making some offhand remark about my physique. Well, duh, I’ve been working out for quite some time and am well pleased with how I look. But I took the complement and offered to let her massage my biceps.
Well, Brothers, it seems that most of the time I was there, Golda was speaking some language I couldn’t understand.
She said, “Yer ‘shmackel’ is like a ‘schwarze’ and your ‘gloiven’ is on the slender side.”
Brothers: What the hell is a “shmakel” and do I even have a “gloiven?” And “schwarze” sounds like something bad.
She then told me at least I wasn’t a “jufe” and they way she said it I took it as a compliment.
Brothers: I have no idea what a “jufe” is, but I’m thinking it might be all right.
She asked me if I liked her “herzl” and, thinking quickly, I said yes. Since she didn’t slap me I’m thinking I guessed right.
Brothers: What the hell is a “herzl?”
She also expressed appreciation, I think, because she was smiling when she said I wasn’t an “anteater.”
Brothers: I’m of the opinion that an “anteater” is some sort of furry animal that dines on, what else –ants. In the kike world does this mean something different?
She told me that my "schmutzle" was right up there with the best.
Help me Brothers, is this some sort of a nice thing?
When I left she asked me if her “jits” met my approval. “Of course”, I said. She smiled so I’m thinking I guessed right on that one.
Brothers, you need not help me on that one. I’m pretty sure if asked again, I can cover it.
One final puzzle: She also asked me if I enjoyed the “vajewjew?" I just smiled and I think I aced that one. Whatever it is.
I will appreciate whatever wisdom you can provide.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Landover Senior Outreach Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-19-2010, 10:01 PM
Brother Tannor,
Nothing good can come from associating with a joo, especially a Yiddish-speaking hebe woman. I turn to joos for a select few financial and legal matters, but certainly never befriend them.
Leave a jar of Gefilte fish on her steps as a welcome gift and warn her that she may not spend her days with a metal detector looking for nickels and dimes. Otherwise, be done with her.
Warn the other tenants that the big-nosed kike is in the park and to keep any cash on hand locked up in an airtight container. The joos have big noses for a reason.
In Christ.
Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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Posts: 85
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-23-2010, 05:59 PM
Depends, if you still have your helmet cover you could be cattle trucked, better off sticking with a sherman than throwing one up her Berkshire.
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-23-2010, 06:48 PM
Wise advice, Brother Porter, and I shall follow it.
I think the person who posted the note following your's seems to be speaking in sort of tongue, as well. (Might be a joo who thinks he can put something over on us worldly types.)
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-23-2010, 06:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor
Wise advice, Brother Porter, and I shall follow it.
I think the person who posted the note following your's seems to be speaking in sort of tongue, as well. (Might be a joo who thinks he can put something over on us worldly types.)
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Not Jewish tongue, i just break into cockney now and then. It's called rhyming slang and is easy to work out, just saves me having to type out those disgusting swear words .
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
True Christian™
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Join Date: Jun 2009
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-23-2010, 08:06 PM
You read my private note to Brother Porter?! Is nothing sacred?
I fear your travels through life as Unsaved Trash will be long and arduous.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-23-2010, 08:09 PM
I suggest going by on the first of the month and demanding to know where the rent money is. After she figures out that you mean business, she'll avoid you.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-23-2010, 08:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnHolyislandman
Not Jewish tongue, i just break into cockney now and then. It's called rhyming slang and is easy to work out, just saves me having to type out those disgusting swear words .
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But that doesn't rhyme.
And I thought it was the ones who didn't have their "helmet cover" who got "cattle trucked" off to Auschwitz.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-23-2010, 09:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
But that doesn't rhyme.
And I thought it was the ones who didn't have their "helmet cover" who got "cattle trucked" off to Auschwitz.
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It's the second words that have the meaning but because we know them we don't always put them down, you are right about the helmet cover and cattle truck though but not what i meant.
Cattle Trucked= F***ed
Sherman Tank =W**k
Berkshire Hunt +C**T
Suppose i will get an infraction for swearing now.
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
True Christian™
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Join Date: Jun 2009
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-23-2010, 09:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnHolyislandman
It's the second words that have the meaning but because we know them we don't always put them down, you are right about the helmet cover and cattle truck though but not what i meant.
Cattle Trucked= F***ed
Sherman Tank =W**k
Berkshire Hunt +C**T
Suppose i will get an infraction for swearing now.
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I certainly hope so, you pervert.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Re: Brothers: I need your help. -
08-23-2010, 09:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor
I certainly hope so, you pervert.
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I think that one is Dodge and Swerve
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