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Jesus' eternal love HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 12:02 AM

Can you all believe that it has been 12 whole years since Pastor Zeke and I went out on our first date!?

I thought I would make him something extra special for our anniversary. Something that would show him what a good wife I will be, and something to make him think of me often. It took me a while to think of something to meet all those requirements.... but then it dawned on me that he uses his vehicles several times a day. Then walaaa, I invented the Zeke Seat.

I'm sooooo excited to see his face when he sees that I have put them in almost all of his vehicles!!! Don't you think he will just Lve them!?


I really enjoyed making this kind of stuff. If you would like me to make you a set please PM with with your favorite colors and what type of seats you have and how many cup holders you have.




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Cool Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 01:04 AM

Miss Johnson:


I did some research of your "relationship" with the good pastor and I have some questions for you.


1. Has he actually ever proposed? I mean, a genuine request to marry you?
2. If so, did you accept?
3. If not, WTF is wrong with you?
4. If he did propose and keeps putting you off, I know ways we can get breach of promise and MILLIONS for you (I have a low fee for these things because they are so lucrative).


From all I can see, this man has no plans to ever marry you and I would be seriously questioning the actual role of the houseboys.


My office also does surveillance (we'd need you to help install cameras, but they are really easy to set up) and we could find out all sorts of things by doing that. On his next international trip, how about if I have some guys watch his activities for you?


I don't think there's another woman in his life. That's all I'll say.


Respectfully,
Michael


PS: You are amazingly beautiful.


A half truth is a whole lie.
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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 01:09 AM

Of course he proposed. It was about 10 years ago. He's been busy... that's all. He is a very important man.

Here we are at our first Church Social dance. Aren't our outfits cute!? I made them you know.
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Love Jesus Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 01:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
Of course he proposed. It was about 10 years ago. He's been busy... that's all. He is a very important man.

Here we are at our first Church Social dance. Aren't our outfits cute!? I made them you know.

Sister Thumper,
First let me compliment you on your sewing skills. Truly the Good Lord has blessed you with great beauty and amazing ability with a needle and thread. And the taste level? Wow. Just wow.


I hope you'll video Zeke's reaction to your gifts. That will be an amazing study of his spirituality and temperament. It will be so hard for him not to erupt. (In tears of joy, of course)


Begging your ma'am's pardon, though, I myself have wondered if you're being played for a ditzy blonde. Part of that you can't be held responsible for - I mean, GOD decided you'd be born the less intelligent gender, easily fooled and easily manipulated, and probably lacking the reasoning power that men have innately embedded in our psychoses.


There are so many Godly men for whom you could have been mothering soldiers for Christ. I know your beloved son is marching to Heaven with the angels at his side, making you proud every day (unless he's in rehab...you haven't mentioned him lately). But imagine being a mother of eight or nine. You could make all their clothing (matching of course) and please Jesus every waking moment. Instead you've kind of been put in the background, never asked to travel with Zeke. Have you ever even met his servants?


I will pray for you, sister. I've often thought of you in my most intimate moments on my knees.


COME LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 02:15 AM

Daisy, my fiancée. You can come over tonight for light refreshments at 9:15 pm sharp. I expect you to wear the bracelets my houseboy will be bringing to you any moment now.



I'm also expecting you to lose a couple of pounds around your waist by tonight. Your transport back home will leave at 9:50 pm.

And, Mr. Larry, I'm afraid your application to move to Freehold has been suspended due to complications. We need new hard copies in triplicate including the Supplements 1a-7f.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 03:26 AM

Happy birthday, Pastor Zeke! God has blessed us by putting you on this earth!


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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 04:34 AM

You two are so cute!


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 04:41 AM

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Originally Posted by Anne Sayne View Post
Happy birthday, Pastor Zeke! God has blessed us by putting you on this earth!

Not the good Pastor's birthday. It's a special anniversary for Pastor Ezekiel and Sister Daisy.


Please tell me that you pay closer attention when reading the Bible.


Microscopicly Yours,


Handmaiden


His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 05:04 AM

Hmm could've sworn it said birthday. Oh well, it's still another celebration of Pastor Ezekiel. Silly me and my eyes getting mixed up


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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 08:11 AM

Daisy Mae, those are beautiful! As I'm sure you are aware, I have Pastor Zeke's Porsche Cayenne GTS, as he was kind enough to allow me to borrow it while my Focus is in the shop. I have ripped out all the leather upholstery for you, so you can install those lovely Zeke Seats. See you soon!


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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 02:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Daisy, my fiancée. You can come over tonight for light refreshments at 9:15 pm sharp. I expect you to wear the bracelets my houseboy will be bringing to you any moment now.



I'm also expecting you to lose a couple of pounds around your waist by tonight. Your transport back home will leave at 9:50 pm.
Oh my goodness! Thank you! They are the most beautiful KJV1611 Bible earings in ALLLLLLLL the land. How did I ever get so lucky.






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Jesus' eternal love Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 02:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
Daisy Mae, those are beautiful! As I'm sure you are aware, I have Pastor Zeke's Porsche Cayenne GTS, as he was kind enough to allow me to borrow it while my Focus is in the shop. I have ripped out all the leather upholstery for you, so you can install those lovely Zeke Seats. See you soon!


Why, thank you Brother Machine. That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. I bet Pastor Zeke will be thrilled with you too! You are always so helpful.




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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 03:29 PM

I wish I was as smart as Pastor Ezekiel. Unfortunately I didn't wait 12 years to marry my wife. 12 miserable years I will never get back.


Only Sluts Get Raped! (1st Timothy 2:9)
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Eagle Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 04:31 PM

How time flies.
You two have been dating a scant 12 years, nothing in terms of Biblical time. 2016-That is TWO THOUSAND and sixteen years. A blink to God.
I am so happy you two are taking the time to get to know each other instead of leaping into a marriage with barely knowing one another. I know that once you two do decide you are right for each other, 'baby Zeke' will come into this world with the blessing of Jesus nine months and a day later.
As many of you know, my first two wives were taken to me by Jesus, both having suffered untold trauma (I still break up about it every time I think about it) after falling into capped off wells on the back swamp section of the Hutchins estate. I had know each of them for only a few years and losing them was Gods way of telling me I was in too much of a hurry to produce Christian children. My current wife, Mrs, Hutchins and I have been together for nearly forty years now. She does not express as many children now, perhaps one over 14 months or so and has taken to wandering. I've put a bell on her ankle to enable those that care about her to know where she is. But I worry that one day she might just wander off, never to be seen again.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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flag Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 07:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

And, Mr. Larry, I'm afraid your application to move to Freehold has been suspended due to complications. We need new hard copies in triplicate including the Supplements 1a-7f.

Glorious Exalted One:


The copies were forwarded via your preferred provider, "Winged Angel Overnight - A Flint Solution."


I included Supplements 1a-7f, which as you know are the ones that require the inclusion of money to be deposited "For God's glory" in your Grand Caymans account, "Where it can be properly cared for by God and select well-trained special operations teams." Your application manual is so thorough in its explanations.


I also added the suggested love offering; and here is the other requirement listed in the instructions:


I, BrotherLarry Pureheart, recognize that I am but a lowly servant of the LORD GOD and His representative on Earth, Ezekiel Flint. I will always serve GOD through the instruction and demands of Ezekiel Flint and will never disrespect him, never dishonor him, and will keep my lips firmly planted against his posterior when demanded. My life is devoted to the furtherance of the Landover Baptist Church, which is God's favorite congregation. Since the Church guaranteed my salvation, I guarantee my allegiance to it. My tithes will help the pastor lay up treasures and my offerings will help feed the young men in pastor's care.


I will pray seven (7) times daily for the pastor and always maintain his privacy, declare his sovereignty, and further his will.


I deserve lashing and beating, for I am nothing and no one. So pledged and committed this 5th day of October, 2016:


BrotherLarry Pureheart


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-05-2016, 10:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Daisy, my fiancée. You can come over tonight for light refreshments at 9:15 pm sharp. I expect you to wear the bracelets my houseboy will be bringing to you any moment now.

Pastor Zeke, I would not expect a man as masculine as yourself to be overly concerned with the minutiae of female adornment, but I would be remiss if I did not note that the items pictured are not, in fact, bracelets.

These items, which I saw your houseboy wearing the other day, would be an example of bracelets.



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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-07-2016, 05:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
I included Supplements 1a-7f, ...stuff...
Who were you again? The horse guy? OK, I've forwarded your application to Mistress Cookie and she'll start going through the paperwork that's accummulated on her desk during her absence as soon as she comes back. I expect a decision within a few months after her return.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
...stuff...
If I remember correctly it was you who orchestrated the disappearance of my above-mentioned secretary. You could use your time more profitably bringing her back instead of trying to seize my staff. You surely remember last time that happened and it was all Jeremiah 39:7 to you with the kind of bracelets you prefer.

I have no time for this. I feel a mission coming on.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Cool Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-07-2016, 08:37 AM

Mr. Faith Machine:


Hey, I'm licensed to practice in California if you need representation. The way I see it, most of the evidence against you is circumstantial.


I could be your key to getting this nonsense behind you. Let me know.


Mike Hezekiah, Esq
Atty at Law


A half truth is a whole lie.
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Jesus' eternal love Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-16-2016, 01:00 PM

You two simply are the cutest couple! I'll be sure to send you some of my good china when your wedding's complete! I'd love to be there, but I'm afraid a wedding here at home is keeping me away.
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Default Re: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, My Precious Pastor Zeke! - 10-16-2016, 01:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeremiah Trenton View Post
You two simply are the cutest couple! I'll be sure to send you some of my good china when your wedding's complete! I'd love to be there, but I'm afraid a wedding here at home is keeping me away.
Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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