Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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(HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-19-2012, 05:13 AM
You've got to help me.
I've caught the fever.
The Iowa Corn Fever.
I just can't get enought corn!
No, no corn on the cob, fresh corn, frozen corn. I mean real corn. Corn chips corn flakes puffed corn, of SWEET LORD CORN CORN CORN!
Really it's puffed corn that drives me wild. Where can I find it? I've been buying this "cajun mix" but God punished Lousinia for a reason. I want the PURE CORN EXPERIENCE!!!!
No, popcorn won't do it for me. That's like a whole different grain. It has to be CORN! CORN!
What, am I the only one with The Fever?
And you dare to call yourselves Iowans??????\
CCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRR RRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-19-2012, 06:24 AM
Don't make me come over there.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,439
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 04:36 PM
You do know corn is a vegetable right?
Christians should eat meat: Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that liveth, shall be meat for you."
Not plants: Romans 14:2 "For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs."
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 05:59 PM
Jeb is the fith person in a year in Freehold to get that. We picked up one not very young lady on Rout 34 who and tied corn cobs all over body but was otherwise naked. What the heck is going on?
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 06:37 PM
As a True Christian™, I am careful about my feelings for corn. The occasional cob of corn can be an acceptable component of a Christian diet. However, the desire for a bountiful harvest must find expression in prayer, and not in any of the following:
1. The construction of fertility symbols
2. The introduction of fertility symbols into the rectum
3. The worship of corn as an ithyphallic icon.
4. The reshaping of corn into vodou paraphernalia.
5. Seeking auspicious portents by divining by human or animal entrails or by observing the flight of birds.
6. Necromancy or veneration of the dead
7. The sacrifice of rum and chickens to strange gods.
8. Supporting the unionization of migrant farmers, esp. by voting democrat.
9. A belief in agricultural spiritualism
10. Harvest festivals, the construction of corn dollies, or initiation into the heathen Old Cornwall Society.
11. Observation of the chink Moon Festival, the largest harvest festival in the world and an affront to God.
12. Animistic belief in the Corn Spirit or Corn Mother.
The list goes on.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Ms. Sham Wow 2011
Forum Member
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Posts: 263
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Defeated, TN
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 07:12 PM
well, I always been a bit wary of corn. one time, cousin jeb got a hold of some vhs what was very influential on him? for several weeks cousin jeb decided to worship "He Who Walks Behind the Rows". well, he lost interest in that demon after he saw "Footloose", which opened its own can of worms.
In His name,
Lori H
Genesis 1:24
And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind: and it was so."
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 08:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
We picked up one not very young lady
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I do hope that "not" is a typo.
The 'h' and the 'n' are right next to each other on the keyboard, after all!
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 09:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
I do hope that "not" is a typo.
The 'h' and the 'n' are right next to each other on the keyboard, after all!
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No, that "not" is quite deliberate. We first thought she had senior dementia until she start talking a lot like Jeb is.
This some kind of marketing thing?
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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The Friendliest Clown in Town™ Proud recovering ex-alcoholic, ex-addict, and ex-convict
True Christian™
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Posts: 197
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Wherever the Lord takes me
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 09:38 PM
This post is simply amaizing.
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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,727
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 09:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebuko the Clown
This post is simply amaizing.
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LOL. Great pun. You truly are a funny guy. You intentionally spelled "amazing" to mesh beautifully with "maize". You're hysterical, Rebuko.
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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The Friendliest Clown in Town™ Proud recovering ex-alcoholic, ex-addict, and ex-convict
True Christian™
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Posts: 197
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Wherever the Lord takes me
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 09:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne
LOL. Great pun. You truly are a funny guy. You intentionally spelled "amazing" to mesh beautifully with "maize". You're hysterical, Rebuko.
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Huh? What joke?
Are you saying i speled "amaizing" wrong?
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 10:18 PM
Hey! This thread is CORNY!
Here is a basic rundown of the show:
- “What’s two plus two?” “I dunno, what?” “CORN!”
- “Heh heh, here’s Roy.”
- Musical Performance or three
- More jokes about corn
- Undertones and allusions of bestiality and incest.
- Even more jokes about corn.
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-20-2012, 11:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebuko the Clown
Huh? What joke?
Are you saying i speled "amaizing" wrong?
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Reverand, please don't mock Rebuko. You know he is a good and solid Christian. But when have you ever seen Rebuko make a j oke even bring a smile to someone's face? Comedy is not how being a Christian clown works.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-21-2012, 12:13 AM
Where oh where
is He to-night?
Why did He leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over and thought I'd found True Love
He met another, and ptttth! He was gone.
And I think it was probably that old skank ho Mary Magdalene, that's what I think
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-21-2012, 12:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
You do know corn is a vegetable right?
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Only when it's fresh. Once it's dry it's a grain, which is basically beer that hasn't gotten around to fermenting yet.
The one that really drives into an Iowa Corn Frenzy™ is something that I don't even know the name of. It's sort of like puffed corn, but it's crunchy, and still in the kernal shape (but dry, so it's NOT a vegetable). I buy in trail mix form, and throw the rest of the mix away. Just WHAT is that manna from Heaven called (so that I can find it and buy it)? It looks exactly like this:
"...the people went about and gathered it, and ground it in mills or beat it in mortars, and boiled it in pots, and made cakes of it; and the taste of it was like the taste of cakes baked with oil." (Numbers 11:7-8)
CCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR NNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! :ea t:
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-21-2012, 01:54 PM
Is the fun going to start SOON?
The Culhanes of Cornfield County
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-21-2012, 05:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond
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Jeb,
I am having a problem following you here; it sounds like you are saying corn is what the Bible calls mana and the American Indians pre-stole corn from us Christians like they pre-stole North America?
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
Hot Must ReadThreads!
Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-21-2012, 07:45 PM
Didn't the GODLY President Bush like corn-holing?
If President Bush likes it - I like it.
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-21-2012, 08:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
No, that "not" is quite deliberate. We first thought she had senior dementia until she start talking a lot like Jeb is.
This some kind of marketing thing?
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Cornography?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 322
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Republic of Alaska (NOT the U.S.A.!)
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Re: (HELP ME) COOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! -
01-23-2012, 10:37 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond
The one that really drives into an Iowa Corn Frenzy™
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Is that anything like an Alaskan Salmon Frenzy? Because that may be fun to imagine, but when the Conservative Ladies Committee ended up falling into one....We just couldn't look at each other afterwards. I mean, you know how much it hurts when you bite your tongue? Imagine that times 100.*
*Or is it divided by? To the power of? I wish a had a big man brain to figure out this math stuff.
#forevertrump: Supporter of The Donald as president-for-life! #MAGAlomaniac!
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