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Reload this Page Hello loves.
The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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ShinyToyHunter69 ShinyToyHunter69 is offline
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Default Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 03:23 AM
My name is Rachel (I'm automatically saved, because I have a biblical name), and my favorite bible verse is:
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
8. Deuteronomy 23:1
Obviously it's from the King James.

ISIS are all muslim faggots.
I hope we can all be friends.
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Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 03:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyToyHunter69 View Post
My name is Rachel (I'm automatically saved, because I have a biblical name), and my favorite bible verse is:
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
8. Deuteronomy 23:1
Obviously it's from the King James.

ISIS are all muslim faggots.
I hope we can all be friends.
Dear Addle-Headed Girl;

Kindly post the Scripture that backs up your claim of being Saved by virtue of your name.

What church does your father take you to? What's your best pie? Please share more with us about the sins you have wallowed in.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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ShinyToyHunter69 ShinyToyHunter69 is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 03:36 AM
Sir, I have already read the rules of this Godly site. I mean no disrespect Pastor Ezekiel. Also, I was trying to make a joke about my name being saved, I realize that there is no such passage. I apologize.
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Witch Hammer's Avatar
Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
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Angry Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 05:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyToyHunter69 View Post
Sir, I have already read the rules of this Godly site. I mean no disrespect Pastor Ezekiel. Also, I was trying to make a joke about my name being saved, I realize that there is no such passage. I apologize.
Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, and neither do we, witch.
Galatians 6:7
Quote:
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap
I'd be $h!tting bricks right about now if I were in your shoes.
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ShinyToyHunter69 ShinyToyHunter69 is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 05:12 AM
I wasn't mocking Jesus ma'am. I apologize for the confusion.
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Witch Hammer's Avatar
Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
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Guns Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 05:22 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyToyHunter69 View Post
I wasn't mocking Jesus ma'am. I apologize for the confusion.
Who are you calling ma'am?
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Elmer G. White's Avatar
Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Love Jesus Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 05:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyToyHunter69 View Post
I wasn't mocking Jesus ma'am. I apologize for the confusion.
A cautions Welcome to you, young Lady. You seem to have your heart in the right place and you are seeking Jesus in earnest. However, please do not be too hasty in your posting, for instance, Mr. W. Hammer would not probably appreciate being called a "ma'am".

Proverbs 29:20
Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.



But, do not worry, if you persist, be patient and learn, keep God's commandments (all of them), get a baptism and do some marital begetting (1 Timothy 2:15), Jesus will eventually Redeem you and you have a chance of seeing HEAVEN with us!




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Victim of atheist scientific persecution
 

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Unhappy Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 05:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
...for instance, Mr. W. Hammer would not probably appreciate being called a "ma'am".

Proverbs 29:20
Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.
My warnings were too late... Indeed, unfortunately you've upset a close personal friend of Jesus, Mr. Hammer and caused some emotional grief and distress. I suggest some prayers in addition to a sincere apology.

Psalms 130:4
But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.

Yours in Christ,


Elmer

2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 05:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
My warnings were too late... Indeed, unfortunately you've upset a close personal friend of Jesus, Mr. Hammer and caused some emotional grief and distress. I suggest some prayers in addition to a sincere apology.

Psalms 130:4
But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.

Yours in Christ,


Elmer
I will forgive this silly woman if her repentance is sincere, and she sins no more.
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ShinyToyHunter69 ShinyToyHunter69 is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 05:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
Who are you calling ma'am?
I am SO sorry. I guess I was being a stupid woman, I shouldn't be online, I'm distracted by all the dishes I should be doing right now. I know it's not an excuse, and I am very sorry sir. I will pray to God to help me be not be such a dumb woman, and more obedient. Please forgive me, it will not happen again. Sorry to anybody that I offended with my stupidity.
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ShinyToyHunter69 ShinyToyHunter69 is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 05:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
A cautions Welcome to you, young Lady. You seem to have your heart in the right place and you are seeking Jesus in earnest. However, please do not be too hasty in your posting, for instance, Mr. W. Hammer would not probably appreciate being called a "ma'am".

Proverbs 29:20
Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.



But, do not worry, if you persist, be patient and learn, keep God's commandments (all of them), get a baptism and do some marital begetting (1 Timothy 2:15), Jesus will eventually Redeem you and you have a chance of seeing HEAVEN with us!




Yours in Christ,

Elmer
Thank you for your kindness. I'm reading my bible right now, all I want is to be saved. I am so tired of being a sinner and I am trying to change. I will change and go to heaven with all of the God-fearing members of this amazing website!
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Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 06:32 AM
Quote:
I am SO sorry. I guess I was being a stupid woman, I shouldn't be online, I'm distracted by all the dishes I should be doing right now. I know it's not an excuse, and I am very sorry sir. I will pray to God to help me be not be such a dumb woman, and more obedient. Please forgive me, it will not happen again. Sorry to anybody that I offended with my stupidity
Fair enough, wench. Your unfeigned expression of regret has softened my heart for the time being. However, I feel it is my duty as a True Christian alpha male to issue this rebuke:



You dress like a tart. A man without my rigid moral compunctions might be inclined to m@sturbate furiously to such a photograph, securing himself a place in eternal hellfire!
Proverbs 7:10
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Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 11:09 AM
Hello Shiny, I am sorry you've gotten off on the wrong foot here, and I would be most delighted to help you learn to fit in a little better.

Tell me, do you have a Web cam?

WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Dr Laurence Niles Dr Laurence Niles is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 11:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyToyHunter69 View Post
My name is Rachel (I'm automatically saved, because I have a biblical name), and my favorite bible verse is:
He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
8. Deuteronomy 23:1
Obviously it's from the King James.

ISIS are all muslim faggots.
I hope we can all be friends.
Not so fast, little miss. You salvation comes via one method only.

I Timothy 2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

How many children have your born?

YIC

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is offline
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Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-29-2015, 10:49 PM
Welcome, Rachel. You are most welcome to learn more and become Saved by Him! But there is so much you must do -- be baptized, marry, obey ALL the commandments in the Bible (please capitalize God's most precious and holy Word), and bear children. Also, you must behave in a modest, Christian, ladylike, meek, and submissive manner. Contact me if you need any help. I can offer one other tip of advice -- read the entire KJV Bible before the week is out!

Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson

"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Alvin Moss Alvin Moss is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-30-2015, 03:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShinyToyHunter69 View Post
My name is Rachel (I'm automatically saved, because I have a biblical name)




.

You are mistaken. John 3:7 lets us know that we must be born again in spirit if we are to achieve salvation.

God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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JohnnyTightLips JohnnyTightLips is offline
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JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.JohnnyTightLips is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Hello loves. - 06-30-2015, 08:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
Fair enough, wench. Your unfeigned expression of regret has softened my heart for the time being. However, I feel it is my duty as a True Christian alpha male to issue this rebuke:



You dress like a tart. A man without my rigid moral compunctions might be inclined to m@sturbate furiously to such a photograph, securing himself a place in eternal hellfire!
Proverbs 7:10
lol. that isn't even that revealing of a pic. especially compared to the girls in porno who are totally nude. i don't watch porno though heh.

Rom.1:26-27
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
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Damned Angelique Damned Angelique is offline
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Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Damned Angelique is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Hello loves. - 07-01-2015, 06:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyTightLips View Post
i don't watch porno though heh.
Sure you don't...

Ezekiel 23:3 And they committed whoredoms in Egypt; they committed whoredoms in their youth: there were their breasts pressed, and there they bruised the teats of their virginity.
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Brother Jessup Brother Jessup is offline
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Default Re: Hello loves. - 07-02-2015, 03:09 AM


Selfies taken in front of the mirror by painted whores are a sign of vanity, and vanity is a sin according to scripture!

Proverbs 31:30
Quote:
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
Psalm 119:37
Quote:
Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.

Loose women are not welcome in God's paradise, nor are they welcome here.

Btw, you look like a common jezebel asking to get raped! Doesn't it make you feel the least bit guilty knowing that you could cause a perfectly innocent God fear'n Christian man to rape you?

Worse yet, the poor victim will be obligated to buy you from your father for fifty shekels of silver, and then he'll be forced to marry you too! As a woman, you should learn to act and dress more responsibly!

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, unworthy whore!

The Honorable Brother Jessup T. Lloyd has spoken……..…Amen!

The Lord’s Hang’n Judge – convicting the wicked and condemning the heretic!

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And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. (Revelation 19:11)
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Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hello loves. - 07-02-2015, 03:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyTightLips View Post
lol. that isn't even that revealing of a pic. especially compared to the girls in porno who are totally nude. i don't watch porno though heh.

Just last week my assistant, Mariko, came out of the hotel bathroom dressed similarly. I promptly threw her down on the bed and pummeled her backside with a flogger I hastily made using clothes hangers. Even a Chinese Gook from Tokyo like her should remember to have some modesty. Show some self respect for goodness sake, harlot!

Psalm 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
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