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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Funkadelia Funkadelia is offline
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Sinner Greetings - 07-19-2019, 10:31 PM

Hello. I am a Pastafarian with an open mind, wondering if I can be saved. I have very progressive political views, and am attracted to men, having been born male but currently transitioning (does that make me straight, then?). I've never read the Bible, so I can't tell you what my favorite verse is. I do believe that there was a person named Jesus, but I don't believe that he was the son of His Noodly Appendage.
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-19-2019, 11:07 PM

The little spinny sinner burning in your topic header is all to clear you are aware that you are a troll heathen who've cometh to offend us. There is nothing funky about being helpless raped over and over on Satan's throbbing spiked willy. Only Jesus is the way - here a simple starter pack verse as I've doubt you've cracked open a Bible in your life.

John 14:6
6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.


Can you see how your wonton pasta worship will lead to a boiling end with no Jesus in the recipe? As chef du cuisine of the Moans household, I know this is a bonifide fact!


THE MOANS CHILDREN Adelaide Eunice Rush Crusher(FISHING ACCIDENT) Truth Lloyd Mildrew (NANA-LIPS) Angina Bobby (FIRE MISHAP) Scooter Bud Carson Modesty(SLAIN BY A BULLET) Boomhauer Donald Grenadine Lysol(SUCKED BY A TORNADO)
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-19-2019, 11:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Funkadelia View Post
Hello. I am a Pastafarian with an open mind, wondering if I can be saved. I have very progressive political views, and am attracted to men, having been born male but currently transitioning (does that make me straight, then?). I've never read the Bible, so I can't tell you what my favorite verse is. I do believe that there was a person named Jesus, but I don't believe that he was the son of His Noodly Appendage.
Hello Miss Delia: I will issue a to you, as I do with most of the newcomers who come to . If you are truly interested in serving the , then you are in the right place. But we have seen many of your type wander through our Sacred gates before, so I should mention right off that we do not entertain trolls, especially if you're visiting to flaunt your homersexualistic views.

You will find that we are a no-nonsense group of believers in the . We do not sugar-coat the Truth, which is that you and your pastaferian nonsense deserve to burn in for all of eternity, unless you repent of your disgusting, rebellious sins.

Revelation 21:8 "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."

I suggest that you realize how serious your situation is, and that you will land yourself in , unless you turn to as your only . I do so hope that you will consider, very seriously, what this great responsibility means.

Sincerely, Isabella W.
P.S. And I must also mention:



Lift ye then your voices;
Swell the mighty flood;
Louder still and louder
Praise the precious .
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-19-2019, 11:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Funkadelia View Post
...I've never read the Bible...
I'll bet money you've never read the Loose Canon, either. So what's there to discuss, aside from your willfully ignorant preconceptions?


As far as you ever being Saved™, um lol. Not in this religion.



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-19-2019, 11:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
I'll bet money you've never read the Loose Canon, either. So what's there to discuss, aside from your willfully ignorant preconceptions?


As far as you ever being Saved™, um lol. Not in this religion.
If you are an atheist, then why did you waste your time reading the Bible?
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-20-2019, 12:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
...So what's there to discuss, aside from your willfully ignorant preconceptions?...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Funkadelia View Post
If you are an atheist, then why did you waste your time reading the Bible?
Nailed it.



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-20-2019, 12:20 AM

The difference between this pasta glutton vs Didymus Much is that Didymus actually read the entire KJV Bible before forming an opinion. Atheists try to refute The Bible but more often than not haven’t read any portion and just assume things before developing an educated opinion. As much as I disagree with Didymus Much’s opinions, he has at least read The Bible in its entirety which is more than I can say for other atheists.

Also, my Pa said that all Pastafarians are Nigra whackos.


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Prayer Re: Greetings - 07-20-2019, 12:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Funkadelia View Post
If you are an atheist, then why did you waste your time reading the Bible?
Because he's a pernicious and willful little Godmocker, that's why, but we are blessed by his persecution of us (Matthew 5:11). And he's wrong, you CAN be Saved. All you have to do is denounce the spaghetti demon you worship (Exodus 20:3), vote Republican (Deuteronomy 1:13), stop being queer (Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13), stop being a tranny (1 Corinthians 6:15, Deuteronomy 23:1), read the whole KJV 1611 Holy Bible and accept it as the inerrant word of God (2 Timothy 3:16), and follow its commandments to the letter (James 2:10).


See? Easy. Tithing generously doesn't hurt either.


Praying for you,
Dennis Lukes


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-20-2019, 01:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
Tithing generously doesn't hurt either.
Amen, Brother Lukes, Amen! My, how I wish more people would realize this very important fact!

II Corinthians 9:6,7:
6 But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.
7 Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.

A blessed evening to you, dear Brother Lukes,
Sincerely, Isabella W.



Lift ye then your voices;
Swell the mighty flood;
Louder still and louder
Praise the precious .
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-20-2019, 09:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Nailed it.
That made me laugh.


-Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
-Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
-James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.

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Default Re: Greetings - 07-20-2019, 09:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
The difference between this pasta glutton vs Didymus Much is that Didymus actually read the entire KJV Bible before forming an opinion. Atheists try to refute The Bible but more often than not haven’t read any portion and just assume things before developing an educated opinion. As much as I disagree with Didymus Much’s opinions, he has at least read The Bible in its entirety which is more than I can say for other atheists.

Also, my Pa said that all Pastafarians are Nigra whackos.
Well said.


-Ps 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.
-Ps 33:4 For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.
-James 2:10 For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-26-2019, 10:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Funkadelia View Post
Hello. I am a Pastafarian with an open mind, wondering if I can be saved. I have very progressive political views, and am attracted to men, having been born male but currently transitioning (does that make me straight, then?). I've never read the Bible, so I can't tell you what my favorite verse is. I do believe that there was a person named Jesus, but I don't believe that he was the son of His Noodly Appendage.
Finally a true follower of the great pasta-dish in the sky.


These ****expletives erased to keep things Christian**** won't really understand that we the **** self-insult erased ***** follow the spaghetti god.

Last edited by Brother Gonzalez; 07-26-2019 at 11:02 AM. Reason: Cleaning up language.
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-26-2019, 11:06 AM

^At least you’re admitting to be an idiot finally. Now take that admission and start reading The Bible. I am assured that you would find it fascinating. It has everything you need to live a fulfilled life. Get out of your parents basement and off your shooter games then just go do it now.


My name is Maxine Levantine. I am 17 and follow the KJV Bible to a T. If you are wanting to hit on me you can turn away. THIS is reserved for Jesus and my future husband (whoever that may be).
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Default Re: Greetings - 07-26-2019, 04:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BaptistsAreTrashAndImAPotty-Mouth View Post
Finally a true follower of the great pasta-dish in the sky...
Your idiot friend is no Pastafarian . He heard something about it (most likely something wrong), and thought (very wrongly) "I can use this to upset True Christians™ herpderp", and has continued the cycle of sad failure that is his existence.


Don't be like him. READ SOMETHING. ANYTHING.



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
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