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Default True Christian™ "Astrology" - 07-26-2007, 01:09 AM

Now as we all know, astrology is of the devil and God frowns on it immensely.

Isaiah 47:13 Thou art wearied in the multitude of thy counsels. Let now the astrologers, the stargazers, the monthly prognosticators, stand up, and save thee from these things that shall come upon thee.
47:14 Behold, they shall be as stubble; the fire shall burn them; they shall not deliver themselves from the power of the flame: there shall not be a coal to warm at, nor fire to sit before it.


Yet millions of unsaved trash revel in it, and the lieberal media loves printing horrorscopes in their yellow journalist rags daily, much to the delight of Satan and his Wicced minions.
Now I haven't run this by a pastor yet, and my husband (Mr. Whitford) gave me his consent to present this idea, but he said that I must forget such nonsense if any pastors disapprove. So here it is...
A True Christian™ haloscope! It's easy to remember as there are only two "signs", and there is only one prediction for each that remains as consistent as God's Word!

Sinner (Born Jan. 1 - Dec. 31): Jesus has ascended into Heaven but is on His way back. There is still time to make things right by renouncing your filthy ways and dropping to your knees to beg for God's forgiveness! If not, the fiery pain won't hurt any less after the first hundred years or the first billion centuries. HURRY AND REPENT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

Saved (Born Again Jan. 1 - Dec. 31): You have been cleansed of sin and are on your way to glory thanks to the Lord's grace. The path is narrow, but now that you're saved, you can not sin anymore so think of it as God's harness for you! Pray often and tithe heartily, as things are only going to get better and better for you! PRAISE!

There is one little bonus to this as well. Next time some witch asks you what your "sign" is, you can reply "Saved" just before you stone her! HALLELUJAH!


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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 07-27-2007, 10:26 PM

You make some thought provoking points sister. Would it not be reasonable to expect all True Christians to change their birthdays to December 25th, and eliminate unnecessary and ungodly celebrations? There is only one birth worth celebrating after all....


The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-03-2012, 03:23 PM

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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-03-2012, 05:36 PM

As Mrs. Whitford has pointed out, God hates the heathen practice of astrology. Instead, the stars are there for a completely different purpose, namely, signs, seasons, days, and years:

Genesis 1:14: And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:


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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-03-2012, 09:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
As Mrs. Whitford has pointed out, God hates the heathen practice of astrology. Instead, the stars are there for a completely different purpose, namely, signs, seasons, days, and years:

Genesis 1:14: And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
I have often wondered why belief in astrology is so linked to a liking for anal sex. Does ANYBODY know any man who believes in astrology that isn't a homo?

This is Russell Grant. A typical UK 'arse'trologer.

YIC

Jack
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Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.



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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-04-2012, 02:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
This is Russell Grant. A typical UK 'arse'trologer.
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(loox like he's been at the arsenic..)
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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-04-2012, 03:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post

(loox like he's been at the arsenic..)
Why are his eyes upside down?



Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-04-2012, 04:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redeemed Papist View Post
Why are his eyes upside down?
(he's English)
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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-04-2012, 04:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
I have often wondered why belief in astrology is so linked to a liking for anal sex. Does ANYBODY know any man who believes in astrology that isn't a homo?

This is Russell Grant. A typical UK 'arse'trologer.

YIC

Jack
More worryingly he is dressed as a mooselimb


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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-04-2012, 05:52 PM

Luke 21:25 tells us that, in the end times, "there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring...." Since, as Jesus told us in Luke 21:8, "the time draweth near." So I'd say it's a virtual certainty that there are signs in the stars now--but it is still a sin to try to read them.


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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-04-2012, 08:15 PM

We know Jesus was a Capricorn so this is interesting, from http://www.astrology-online.com/capricrn.htm

Quote:
LIKES
Reliability
Professionalism
Knowing what you discuss
Firm Foundations
Purpose
Nobody is going to disagree.
Quote:
DISLIKES
Wild Schemes
Fantasies
Go-nowhere jobs
Ignominy
Ridicule
I'm not sure here. Jesus loved a Wild Scheme - Everyone stops being Jewish and becomes Christian! Jesus had no time for fantasies - He actually walked on water and rose from the dead!
Quote:
Jesus's job was "Go to Heaven!" and He did!
Ignomy is wrong - Jesus wanted the ignomy of Crucifixion - He knew it was coming. He doesn't want the ignomy like the way atheists think he's a bogus cretin mired in the past though. So He sends them to Hell.
Quote:
Capricorn! About Your Sign...

The sign Capricorn is one of the most stable and (mostly) serious of the zodiacal types. These independent, rocklike characters have many sterling qualities. They are normally confident, strong willed and calm.
This is definitiely Jesus - He builds things on Rocks and goes up rocks in the Wilderness
Quote:
[They] are capable of persisting for as long as is necessary to accomplish a goal they have set for themselves.
So true! We are waiting on Jesus's return and have been doing for 2000 years
Quote:
Capricorn are [...] the major finishers of most projects started by the 'pioneering' signs; with firm stick-to-it-ness they quickly become the backbone of any company they work for.
Certainly true of the Trinity. And Jesus can be relied upon to return and slaughter all 2.3Billion sinners (as per Revelations)
Quote:
Capricorn[set] high standards for themselves and others.
He was Perfect and expects perfection of us (although we fall short)
Quote:
They strive always for honesty in their criticism of self,
When did Jesus ever tell a lie?
Quote:
they respect discipline from above and demand it from those beneath them.
Isn't this Jesus exactly?
Quote:
In their methodical, tough, stubborn, unyielding way, they persist against personal hardship, putting their families and/or their work before their own needs and welfare to reach their objectives long after others have given up and fallen by the wayside.
Not too sure about this: Jesus said that families will fight among themselves becasue of Him and that we should leave families behind.
Quote:
They plan carefully to fulfill their ambitions (which often include becoming wealthy), they are economical without meanness, and able to achieve great results with minimum effort and expense. Because of their organizing ability they are able to work on several projects simultaneously.
Jesus had no use for money (although He was never short of a few Shekels, I imagine that He simply made a mioracle to produce the money needed. The Bible is strangley silent on te financial side - probably because "God will provide.)
Quote:
They have a great respect for authority
We're speaking God The Father here, for Whom Jesus had nothing but respect.
Quote:
but may not, if they reach high rank, be willing to listen to other opinions on things they are directly responsible for.
Here wwe are talking Pharisees
Quote:
As the ranking authority figure in a given situation they expect their underlings to be as self disciplined as they themselves are, and to perform every task.
True! All the Disciples could speak every language and do miracles.

However, as has been pointed out, all Astrology is garbage.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-04-2012, 10:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
We know Jesus was a Capricorn...However, as has been pointed out, all Astrology is garbage.
Does Jesus' relationship with the stars differ from ours because He made them (and we didn't) Mr Bathfire?
John 1:3a All things were made by him.. whole chapter ©1611
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Default Re: True Christian™ "Astrology" - 05-05-2012, 10:27 AM

I don't want this important thread to go off-topic, but here's a parable:

There once was a man who built a bookshelf upon which to keep his Bibles. His wife (a woman) placed many bibles thereupon and the shelf fell off the wall. His wife, thereupon, did speak unto her husband and chastise him for the workmanship.

So it is with Jesus: He made the stars for light at night, and not for the purpose of witchcraftery!

(I told Mrs Bathfire that the wall was not strong enough to hold 87 Bibles, but would she listen...)





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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