[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

I noticed the choir has been weak in the alto part and realized Sister Handi has not been present for almost 2 weeks. The Easter festival is rapidly approaching so if somebody could remind her of her commitment, please do so. Also if anyone has any information of her whereabouts, even a guess, please let us know. I heard some terrible rumors...

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole

I noticed the choir has been weak in the alto part and realized Sister Handi has not been present for almost 2 weeks. The Easter festival is rapidly approaching so if somebody could remind her of her commitment, please do so. Also if anyone has any information of her whereabouts, even a guess, please let us know. I heard some terrible rumors...

You'll see her when God calls her to reappear. I would guess He will see her as an indispensable part of His mission to save souls.

[Dennis Lukes]

I'm sure she's fine. Wait, doesn't she live in Baltimore? She's probably dead. Has anybody seen Uncle Rutherford? He was supposed to deliver me several barrels of moonshine legal alcohol and also my N-word pass, but I haven't seen him.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

I'm sure she's fine.

There is a mystery about Sister Handmaiden that reminds me of one of the most famous women in history, Joan of Arc.

Joan arrived at the Palace and the French King immediately ask her to organize an army of volunteers to save the nation. Is it possible Sister Handmaiden is as we speak in Mar-a-Largo. An army of volunteers is needed to overthrow his enemies when President Trump receives his first indictment. At this moment, a fearless woman leader might be what Trump needs to pull off the impossible.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Sometimes us Christian folk are called to wander off half crazed into the wide blue yonder for God only knows what reason. Perhaps she has gone in search of the Pastors? I hope she hasn't been lured to the dark side - Creflo Dollar - she knows too much about Landover's struggles strong financial position.

[Cranky Old Man]

She is a woman. Why are we even wasting time talking about this!?

[Unfalsifiable]

If anyone finds her please see if Old Man Hatchet is in the same place. I've been looking for him for years now.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

Has anybody seen Uncle Rutherford?

Well, now you come to mention it, Brother Lukes, my mom was complaining about some problem in the Platinum parking lot and saying nobody can get hold of Brother Unc, as she calls him. I do hope Sister Handy has not been sweet-talked into any sort of indiscretion.

[Romeo Rovagnati]

I don't know, but her photo as a child is definitely something pure.

[Elmer G. White]

Originally Posted by Romeo Rovagnati

I don't know, but her photo as a child is definitely something pure.

Mr. Rovagnani,

Everyone knows that you - the papist temple cultists - are inclined towards young (male) children but it astonishes even me that you'd have such obvious penetrative thoughts about infants and toddlers. Children are not pure. They are sinful nasty mechanisms that turn infant formulas into moist and stenching fecal matter. They are worthy of Hell!

Psalms 51.5
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

That is True® even of us True Christians™ albeit we have overcome that hereditary doom. On the other hand, the majority of infants on the Earth's Great Disk are irrevocably doomed.

Psalms 58:3-6
The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies. Their poison is like the poison of a serpent: they are like the deaf adder that stoppeth her ear; Which will not hearken to the voice of charmers, charming never so wisely. Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth: break out the great teeth of the young lions, O LORD.

This, obviously, refers to the Papist Swarm. How is your masticatory apparatus doing, Mr. Rovagnati? Or did they break your teeth during your formative altar boy years to facilitate the endless oral reception of priestly copulatory organs? Please leave our Dear Sister in Christ, even if she is a mere female, out of your lecherous musings.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[James Hutchins]

Probably gone shopping.


I know she was definitely not seen wandering around the Hutchin's Plantation, LLC and did not fall down an abandoned well.

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by James Hutchins

I know she was definitely not seen wandering around the Hutchin's Plantation, LLC and did not fall down an abandoned well.

Thank Jesus! She hasn't been murdered on the grounds of the Blood of Christ Motel either.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

Thank Jesus! She hasn't been murdered on the grounds of the Blood of Christ Motel either.

It's good to rule these possibilities out, Brother. Also I am pleased to inform the chances of her being abducted by aliens for gruesome anal probe experiments is slim to none, although it can happen. For the time being the primary suspect remains Uncle Rutherford who is suspiciously non-white.

[Johny Joe Hold]

I remain optimistic she will emerge later with stories of converting sinners to Jesus. She and her sisters here at Landover Baptist have worked tirelessly to offset the mistake of Eve in the original sin.

Jews could learn from our Landover sisters. Jews should be bringing souls to Jesus to help offset their mistake of killing Him.

[Basilissa]

Praying.

[James Hutchins]

I was out at Landover Gun and Bible the other day. In the past, she was often seen in the Biblical Cookbook section. While I did not go in to that part of the store, I do not know if she was there.
The store was having a sale on pallet lots of .223 longs.

[Isabella White]

I can't say for certain, but I have a very strong hunch that dear Sister Handmaiden is at the library, making a comprehensive list of indecent, unholy books to be added to the bonfire.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Knowing her passion for spreading the Word, I'm wondering if she might have taken up street preaching under an assumed name. She would be a really good one.

[Dennis Lukes]

Users on this forum going missing is unfortunately a common occurrence. Many of us use our real names and faces because we fear no evil, though this does make it easier for enemies of the faith to dox us. Specifically we know that this site is monitored by malevolent entities such as the SPLC, Mossad, and the FBI. Could be they've been picking us off.

[Didymus Much]

Has anyone checked:

1) Cancun, and

2) the balance in Zeke's new jet fund?

Completely unrelated questions, of course.