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Default A Christian Guide to Overcoming Bad Language - 05-15-2009, 01:24 AM

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. - Ephesians 4:29

Sadly, we live in a world full of people who abuse us True Christians by saying four letter words and making lewd remarks.

I was window shopping yesterday and a couple of 20-something boys were "hanging out", as they call it, on the street corner using the F-word repeatedly in their speech. (Of course they were black.) When I heard them bestow our Precious Savior with the middle name of 'f-ing,' I couldn't just stand back and do nothing.

I quoted the above Bible verse to them and told them that, as a True Christian who has a personal relationship with the GOD whose name
they're taking in vain, I was very offended and demanded that they cease immediately. My efforts to bring an end to their foul speech were sadly ineffective, but I believe that the LORD willed it to be so because He had a bigger plan in mind for me. He wanted me to deliver the following True Christian guide for purity to the internets:


Overcoming Bad Language
By JESUS CHRIST and Bob Fore

Cussing is a deplorable habit that demonstrates a childish attitude and a small vocabulary. Furthermore it clearly indicates disdain for our lovable LORD who is so concerned with the nuances of our everyday speech that He sometimes lets a tornado or two wander out into an uninhabited pasture somewhere without even directing them towards a town that harbors gays!

If you are unsaved trash who struggles with the habit of bad words, keep reading!

As an ex-youth pastor, I have had a lot of experience counseling kids with potty mouths, laboring over them for hours on end with a King James Bible and a bar of soap. When it comes to conquering cussing, I know what works and what doesn't.

1. Ask GOD for help before doing anything. You are weak and disgusting and are nothing without His help! It says so in the Bible! (See Isaiah 64:6)

2. Find a True Christian accountability partner. This is preferably your pastor or a respected member of your church who you must report to whenever you say a bad word.

3. Imagine that every time you take the LORD's name in vain, you are thrusting a sharp dagger into the otherwise pristine and lilly-white back of our LORD JESUS CHRIST and grinding the blade back and fourth along his Holy spinal column. This is what it feels like to Him when you take His name in vain! (Why else would He have devoted the Third Commandment to telling you to watch how you use His name!)

4. Set out a 'swear jar.' Every time you say a curse word, put a quarter in the swear jar. When you finally beat the bad habit of cussing, reward yourself by taking the jar full of quarters to your local Baptist church and donate it to the LORD who helped you overcome your disgusting habit!

5. Buy a squirt bottle of breath freshener and dump the contents down the drain. Refill the bottle with a mixture of soap and water, and carry it with you. Whenever you say a naughty word, spray your mouth with the mixture and thank GOD for your bitter taste buds! (If this is not effective enough, you might have to use a stronger solution, such as cat urine or Raid.)

6. Associate bad language with uncomfortable feelings, such as nausea. If you say a cuss word, stick your finger in your throat and induce vomiting. Even if you are in a public place or indoors, you cannot afford to let yourself get away with swearing. This will eventually cause you to become ill at the sound of cussing.

7. If all else fails, heed JESUS' advice: "And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."

In this case the offending member is your tongue. The best way to cut out your tongue is to take a pair of pliers, pull it out of your mouth as far as you can and then stick a sharpened pair of scissors as far back into your mouth as you can and make a quick snip. If you can't cut it off in one snip, switch sides and repeat. Once your tongue is freed, spit it out and stuff a wad of paper towels in your mouth to soak up the blood. Once you get the blood soaked up you can have a Christian friend stitch up the wound, or you can press the stub of your tongue against a hot stove top to cauterize the wound. It may be painful, but imagine how much more painful hellfire will be!

As always, GOD bless!



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Default Re: A Christian Guide to Overcoming Bad Language - 05-15-2009, 04:43 PM

Great guide! I agree with you 100%! I am glad to see you didn't take any poo poo from those foul-mouthed sillyheads.


SPACESHIP JESUS appeared to me in Astronaut form when I was staying in a motel in 1974. He then told me the TRUTH about our world and what illusions the SATANIC ALLIANCE uses to control us! To this day, I still receive SPACESHIP RADIO SIGNALS INTO MY BRAIN. Absolve yourself of your limited Matrix existence.

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The days of visitation are come, the days of recompence are come; Israel shall know it: the prophet is a fool, the spiritual man is mad, for the multitude of thine iniquity, and the great hatred.

Last edited by Bob4God; 05-15-2009 at 06:19 PM. Reason: Disgusting language replaced with True Christian alternatives
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Default Re: A Christian Guide to Overcoming Bad Language - 05-16-2009, 04:32 AM

Cousin Doug just read your guide and he would like to say,

"Pswanks fwor uh gwate Godwy awice!"


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Default Re: A Christian Guide to Overcoming Bad Language - 05-17-2009, 01:26 AM

To me, the racist terms you use on other people are more offensive than any vulgarities which exist.

P.S. May I add another step? STOP GIVING YOUR ORGANIZATIONS CUSS WORD ACRONYMS!

Citizens United Not Timid = UNACCEPTIBLE NAME!
Citizens All Real Truthtellers = PERFECT NAME!

Care to add any examples?


ACTS 5:29

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But Peter and the apostles said in reply, "We must obey God rather than men."
There you have it-so WHAT'S STOPPING YOU COWARDS?
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Default Re: A Christian Guide to Overcoming Bad Language - 05-17-2009, 07:43 PM

Brother Bob4God, excellent post. In the near future, I hope you consider addressing how poor grammar, spelling, and the use of all caps in bold to make a point are examples of slothful thinking.


Matthew 5:17-18 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
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Default Re: A Christian Guide to Overcoming Bad Language - 05-18-2009, 05:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
To me, the racist terms you use on other people are more offensive than any vulgarities which exist.

P.S. May I add another step? STOP GIVING YOUR ORGANIZATIONS CUSS WORD ACRONYMS!

Citizens United Not Timid = UNACCEPTIBLE NAME!
Citizens All Real Truthtellers = PERFECT NAME!

Care to add any examples?
True Christians™ did not name Citizens United Not Timid. That was a Hillary Clinton PAC, as I recall.

However, Betty Bowers did name the Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals organization. I find nothing offensive in this, do you?


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