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Creation Science The origins of life and the earth from a creationist (Biblical) perspective.

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Smile Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-11-2009, 03:18 AM

You all have probably noted an improvement in the speed at which this forum loads; snappier and clearer graphics and a sound quality you can hardly believe. Well, let me let you into a secret. Those biblical IT characters who speak a language no one can understand, over at the Computing Dept. of Landover Christian University have finally released JesOS 7 and put it on the Child of Ham Server

To appreciate this new Operating System to the max, you will need:

  • 8Gb of (sacrificial) RAM
  • 3 giga-qubits of free Hard Drive space
  • the latest “Archangel” chip (Codenamed Michael) running at 20 megamiracles per eye-twinkle.

As a bonus JesOS7 has

  • Ephod anti-demon prayerware in the Cache that load automatically
  • Prayer-mail Version KJ now allowing the uploading of multimedia with your prayers
  • The Word Processor “Paul 150AD” with illuminated fonts and 17th century spell checker, now with Manna v7.0.8
  • Revelation v 5.0.9.17, a big improvement on v 5.0.9.16. This actually allows you to wipe the Hard Disks of atheists even if you only know their email address.

But wait! There is more!

  • If some atheist or muslin terrorist cuts your power lines, don’t worry. Whereas with JesOS 6, this might mean a re-install, JesOS 7 has the Resurrection Button. Just click this and not only will your computer restore all your life’s work, it will also be 100% error-free from all your past mistakes!

I loaded it onto my computer yesterday and I must say it is as smooth and swift as Philip’s conversion the Eunuch and very forgiving.

Should you upgrade? Well, if you are thinking of a new computer and considering doing any serious fellowshipping with God or even writing a few volumes of praise to Him, then the Prayer-mail version KJ is worth it in itself.

This is just a quick review, others will add their experiences.
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“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-11-2009, 03:40 AM

I've been waiting for JesOS 7 since my last upgrade to my system which kept me bogged down with glitches and protocol errors. I hope this one works better for me!


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Smile Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-11-2009, 05:01 AM

Brother Ezekiel where do I purchase this Godly upgrade?

YIC
Bryan.


Joshua 24:15
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
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Default Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-11-2009, 11:48 AM

I have been anxiously awaiting this new version as I know all the True Christians were polled on needed features and issues. I take great comfort knowing my input was instrumental in its' design and that it has the processing power of God in its' kernel.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-11-2009, 01:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
I've been waiting for JesOS 7 since my last upgrade to my system which kept me bogged down with glitches and protocol errors. I hope this one works better for me!
Yes, I agree, JesOS 6 was buggy. It suffered from a lack of authentic documentation, guidance was open to interpretation and a lot of the internet help forums were full of idiots who had a personal interpretation of what instructions there were.

Nevertheless, I still recommend following every word of the instructions.

I recall that, in deference to the Trinity, no 3 keys could be pressed at once, thus Commentary Mode (Save+Home+Soul) could not be accessed. This has been readdressed by assuming any 3 keys to be the equivalent of one. (Obvious really.)

Another glitch to have been cured, is contradictory instructions. Whereas before, you may not have known whether saving a file was by believing you had saved it or by believing that you had done enough to save it, now it is by believing you have saved it by confidence alone (as long as you have accepted the license conditions.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryan Tamariki View Post
Brother Ezekiel where do I purchase this Godly upgrade?

YIC
Bryan.
Purchase is the wrong word. All God’s gifts are free. JesOS 7 comes free with every donation over $500 to Landover Baptist Church.

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
I have been anxiously awaiting this new version as I know all the True Christians were polled on needed features and issues. I take great comfort knowing my input was instrumental in its' design and that it has the processing power of God in its' kernel.
Yes, we thank all those who contributed to the new release.

We saved quite a lot of development money by simply having our Prayer Warriors asking God to ensure the prototype was OK - and it seems to have worked.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Default Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-11-2009, 01:35 PM

We have a release candidate of JesOS™ Mobile 7 up and running. Here are some of the exciting features:
  • JesOS™ Mobile synchronizes over the Freehold Christian Wireless 3G network with both your Exchange server and the LBC congregation-management server. This way, the today screen can show the Bible verse of the day and your current tithing status, and pastors can schedule mandatory pastoral counseling sessions and have them sent to your device.
  • The dialer includes one-touch dialing to several church offices. It also auto-answers and activates the speakerphone whenever a pastor calls.
  • Applications must be downloaded from the app store; this ensures that the DOF can pre-approve all apps.
  • Pre-installed apps include a fully word-searchable KJV ebook and a tithing calculator. The tip calculator was deleted from the release candidate after True Christian™ focus groups didn't understand what it was for.
  • The navigator app connects to your device's GPS receiver to determine whether you are entering certain locations that the pastors have deemed off-limits, such as a certain all-night diner on Schlafly Road. The first time, you will receive an automatically generated rebuke via SMS. After that, the device will deliver an electric shock. SMS notifications will also be sent to the pastors and to your accountability partner.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Default Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-11-2009, 04:14 PM

You know, one of the oft not mentioned features of the entire JesOS systems is the seamless integration with the DoF. Just knowing that every web site I visit, every email I send and receive, every Word document I create is filtered by those wonderful folks enables me to sleep like a baby every night. They prevent all viruses, prevent accidental access of inappropriate web sites (you have no idea how shocked I was when I tried to access the Whitehouse!) I never get any spam. All emails from my children to those of the opposite sex are squashed enroute. Even accidental innuendos in a Word document are dealt with. Before the JesOS system, I remember I wrote a shopping list for the Mrs. to follow religiously. I have on it "Two large, full breasts". Obviously, I meant chicken. That evening my wife was so upset. She thought I meant for her to get massive implants and she did not have enough money, bless her heart (I only give her enough for the days shopping, not a penny more). Now, with the JesOS, those same words are automatically changed to 'Two Chicken Halves'.

Praise JesOS!


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-13-2009, 01:16 AM

Since I and several of my brighter Creation Computer Science graduate students have been working closely on this project, we will release some screenshots and more advanced information within the next week or so, so please bear with us. It has been a hectic semester, especially with President 0Bama being stingy with the Creation-bucks.


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Default Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-13-2009, 11:15 PM

In Biblical terms, the number 7 has major significance.
I feel that the release of this wondrous new JesOS™ software is further sign that Jesus shall soon be with us.

The whole Word of God is founded upon the number SEVEN. It stands for the SEVENTH day of the Creation Week, and speaks of the Millennial Rest day.

It denotes COMPLETENESS or PERFECTION.

SEVEN times the Book of Life is mentioned in the Bible. The Book of Revelation is a Book of SEVENS. We have SEVEN churches, SEVEN seals, SEVEN Trumpets, SEVEN Personages, SEVEN veils, SEVEN dooms, SEVEN new things. It is the COMPLETENESS of all things.

Life operates in a cycle of SEVENS. Changes take place in the body every SEVEN years. There are SEVEN bones in the neck, SEVEN bones in the face, SEVEN bones in the ankle, and SEVEN holes in the head. Most births are multiple of SEVENS. The hen sits three weeks (21 days); the pigeon two weeks (14 days); after having laid eggs for two weeks.
Of 129 species of Mammal the majority have a period from conception to birth of an exact number of weeks, a multiple of SEVEN.

If you pass sunlight through a prism, it produces seven colors - the three primary colors and four secondary ones.



.



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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-13-2009, 11:48 PM

The significance is overwhelming Sister! Praise!





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
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Wash O'Hanley's Avatar
Wash O'Hanley Wash O'Hanley is offline
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Default Re: Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-14-2009, 05:05 AM

The porn-blocking software on JesOS 7 is both stunning and a true testament to the work that god put in to making it.



It used to be that only gay men and perverted teens could look at pornography like this unaffected, but just look at how JesOS 7 turned this image of unspeakable iniquity into family-friendly viewing by automatically blocking out the naughty parts and putting a picture of Lawrence Welk over that hussy's face-- now everyone can enjoy it!
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Rev. Jim Osborne's Avatar
Rev. Jim Osborne Rev. Jim Osborne is offline
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Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-14-2009, 08:32 AM

I upgraded to JesOS 7™ today from the (admittedly buggy) JesOS 6™, and I have noticed the marked improvement. However, as Brother Wash pointed out, the porn filter is stronger than ever (as that test would show). However, I am part of the organization Christian Republicans Against Pornography, and I have literally several hundreds of gigs of hardcore smut and filth on my hard drives/SD cards/etc. for cataloging and research purposes. I find this filter to get in the way of doing my research for eradicating pornography.

(As an example, I tried accessing www.asiansexyshemales.com and www.ladyboystars.com and was completely blocked from accessing it. I can understand why you would block a normal user, like a teenager, but I'm a Godly True Christian™ pastor and I have a moral obligation to do my work!)

At the launch party this week, I thought I might've overheard Dr. Ville and Pastor Bathfire discussing the porn filter and ways around it. So, is it possible for me to bypass this filter because it is crippling my research? Christian Republicans Against Pornography is counting on me to submit a report for December's issue and I'm really behind in my work.

Please help me soon as possible. Like I said JesOS 7™ is fantastic, but once I can get rid of this damned porn filter, then everything would be perfect with the system. Thanks.



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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Jeb Stuart Thurmond's Avatar
Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
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Default Re: Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-22-2009, 06:59 AM

I have a feature request (probably feature creep here) but, is there some way you could make it not work on Intel chips? I ask this because Intel wants people to work on the Sabbath, which breaks the 10 commandments. It's as bad as expecting employees to murder. We should do what we can to support these rioters:



Maybe they'll even repay us by leaving the synagogue of Satan.

Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 11-22-2009 at 04:06 PM.
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Felicity's Avatar
Felicity Felicity is offline
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Felicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 04-21-2010, 08:50 PM

@Pastor Isaac Peters Thank you for getting me that jPad with JesOS™ Mobile 7. That new AutoScripture® feature is very convenient. I love having the Bible at my fingertips! #KJV1611


I Jesus!
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Pastor Isaac Peters's Avatar
Pastor Isaac Peters Pastor Isaac Peters is offline
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Default Re: Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 04-21-2010, 09:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Felicity View Post
@Pastor Isaac Peters Thank you for getting me that jPad with JesOS™ Mobile 7. That new AutoScripture® feature is very convenient. I love having the Bible at my fingertips! #KJV1611
You're quite welcome, sweetie. I pray that certain false Christians whom I could name will eventually buy one, since they need all the Biblical correctness they can get .


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Felicity's Avatar
Felicity Felicity is offline
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Felicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureFelicity has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 04-21-2010, 09:52 PM

@Pastor Isaac Peters I will pray for that! #Matthew 6:6


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Secular Kelvin Secular Kelvin is offline
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Default Re: Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 02-18-2011, 09:17 PM

THIS IS FAKE AND THE GUI IS FOR SATANISTS!

For a secular person to be saying that JesOS 7 is for satanists even when one does not believe in hell is a giant negative statement.
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Dan U. Holier's Avatar
Dan U. Holier Dan U. Holier is offline
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Dan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureDan U. Holier has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 09-01-2011, 01:12 PM

I have to say I'm impressed; nevertheless, is there any chance the next version of JesOS would include as well:

· The Bible-check tool which would suggest correction of any scripturally inaccurate statement; that would come handy for less scholarly users.
· The Conservapedia’s list of powerful conservative words

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
... However, I am part of the organization Christian Republicans Against Pornography, and I have literally several hundreds of gigs of hardcore smut and filth on my hard drives/SD cards/etc. for cataloging and research purposes. I find this filter to get in the way of doing my research for eradicating pornography...
I concur with Rev. Osborn’s arguments in favor of the optional porn filter - for special users only, of course; I for one am a proud member of the Public Impurity Monitoring Partnership. Besides, my devout Christian friend (interested in purchase of the license as well) is managing a service-oriented enterprise which – with a due respect to the free-market principles - requires a kind of more aggressive marketing, so…

YiC

Dan


Ask not what your Lord can do for you. Ask what you can do for your Lord.


... your choice entirely (Matthew 12:30)
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Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is online now
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Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 09-01-2011, 01:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan U. Holier View Post
I concur with Rev. Osborn’s arguments in favor of the optional porn filter - for special users only, of course; I for one am a proud member of the Public Impurity Monitoring Partnership. Besides, my devout Christian friend (interested in purchase of the license as well) is managing a service-oriented enterprise which – with a due respect to the free-market principles - requires a kind of more aggressive marketing, so…

YiC

Dan
I am quite surprised at the number of requests I have had for the porn filter to be an option rather than a Commandment. It seems as if Landover is one of the Great Centers of Investigation into porn (I think we may take a humble pride in that fact.)

Dr De Ville has worked on the matter and if you send me your unique "Acceptance of JesOS" number (found on the back of the DVD case in the form of "WASH-MEIN-THEW-ARM-BLOO-DOFT-HELAM-BOFG-OD" etc), then we can remove the filter.

At the same time, we can send you Salvation Pack 1 (SP1), which addresses many security issues cause by the Apocrypha Database. This has been eradicated and replaced with Pastor Zeke's Biblical Commentary. Security of Salvation is now assured.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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Brother Shawn's Avatar
Brother Shawn Brother Shawn is offline
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Default Re: Windows 7 problems? Windows 7 is Dead! JesOS 7 Released - 11-04-2011, 02:29 PM

Is JesOS based off of any other operating system or kernel (like Linux or BSD)?
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