[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Introduction: silly human, rabbit holes are for rabbits


I went on a serious trip down some rabbit holes last night.

First, I noticed that Volemort Zelenski appeared on the scene just after Al Franken disappeared from public life. Hm, a genius Jewish comedian-turned-statesman disappears from one spot, and then a genius Jewish comedian-turned-statesman appears elsewhere? Same person?

The deep state is innovating: fake deaths don't fool anybody anymore. The solution? Podcasts. Al Franken's voice still exists, but we never see his face.

Is plastic surgery really advanced enough to do this? Off to research the transexual menace. Decide to save time by checking videos of them in groups. I go for the Japanese videos, because they use less makeup. Obvious Zelenski doesn't have time to put on make-up while touring trenches. Unless Zaleski is the original "true form", and "Al Franken" was a mask from the start? Wow, that's dedication. This is one deep state operative who has earned his "pepperoni with extra meatballs."

So now I've got 15 browser windows open, and each one has so many tabs that I can't read one letter of the titles. The only way to find things is to open the "history" gizmo and use the search bar there.

Yes, I know deep state will catch me if I don't erase my history, wear a tinfoil hat, overload hidden microphones by listening to 1960's techno, and cause artificial intelligences to divide-by-zero by talking out loud about logical paradoxes. I know how to encrypt my communications by banging randomly on the keyboard in the same way that Q does.

I'm willing to sacrifice myself for the cause.

I start by sacrificing my eyes, and then my stomach, researching "asian ladyboy groups"

It was a rabbit-hole too far.

An unknowable amount of time later, in my confusion, I tried to type "boy, nothing gay, not me", but ended up searching for "buy nothing group near me".

Are you ready? This is where things get weird.So-called "buy nothing groups" are an impossibly easy-to-use system to meet impossibly nice people who do impossibly nice things. Like give stuff away. Or search their attic for stuff just because someone asked if they could have it. For free. As in, without paying anything.
Part one: Buy Nothing Groups are impossibly impossible

Now, economically, on one hand we already know that used goods are not valuable. If an item is a few years old, or has one single scratch on it, it ends up worth one tenth of what is was worth new and packaged.

So if old stuff is cheap, and the priceless warm glow of niegbourlyness and community do-gooder high is priceless* then it makes economic sense.
But it can't be, because if the priceless warm glow of niegbourlyness and community do-gooder high is valuable, then the government would be taxing it.

Therefore it doesn't exist. I can confirm that I have never experienced anything remotely close to a "warm glow of niegbourlyness and community do-gooder high". Doesn't exist.

As for being socially impossible, people just don't like sharing. This can be easily proven with a simple experiment: next time you see a child with a toy, take the toy from them. See, people hate sharing.

It's also geopolitically impossible. The regime of the People's Republic of China would never allow it.

The Chinese Communist Party has a very simple survival strategy: appease it's citizens by making them rich by selling useless trinkets to fill the attics, basements, garages, and garbage dumps of Americans.

We thought the natives were dumb when they traded mountain ranges for a few glass beads. Yet that's what we're doing with China. China gets global domination and The West gets plastic pumpkins.

So would China tolerate an America that stops buying, an America who has discovered that it can simply swap plastic pumpkins from one attic to another?

Of course not. The moment anyone so much as suggested "buy nothing groups", Mao's Red Guard Ninjas would have gotten to work and a whole lot of people would have been Epstiened. Probably their dogs too. Fido didn't kill himself!

So, if these so-called "buy nothing groups" actually are real, then it disproves everything we know about economics, sociology, and Red Guard Ninjas fanfics.


Part Two: Occam's Razor. (Trigger warning: meaning of an object that can be used for cutting people, and not just liberal-approved methods of cutting like castrating boys or beheading Israelis.)

Occam's Razor says we should believe the simplest, least revolutionary theory available.

"Warm glow of niceness" is weirder than all theories of weirdology known to weirdologists:

Where are all the figs? I don't see fruit of any kind! This makes no sense!

"Pizzagate", on the other hand, is written at a third-grade reading level. Sometimes younger:




Clearly Occam's Razor says that Pizzagate is the best theory. Cut yourself shaving, Adam Smith?

And when I say "Warm glow of niceness" theory is weird, I mean it's so strange it violates multiple laws of thermodynamics, and most economic models forecast that giving your hand-me-downs to the kid across the street would cause hyperinflation in the asset derivatives market, as well as an interest-surge across all macroeconomic indicators. After Goldman Sachs' bull market hyperinflates to Mesoamerican standard indexes, the stock market fluctuations will maximize the returns of export-investment after the real-estate market re-evaluates.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent. I know, a person of my I.Q. level SHOULD be talking string-theory to amateur radio-astronomers, as if by the sheer power of our brains we will be able to levitate our way out of problems. Calculateing how many martians can dance on the head of a pin while we float above material-world concerns like, (for example), what percentage of the American public is working to get your sons castrated, your daughters sterilized, and your culture destroyed.

Or, perhaps I just prefer slumming in the humid subtropics of upper-mediocre I.Q. Or I feel compelled by duty: maintaining literacy is a dirty job but someone in this political movement has to do it. Without me conservatives are dumb, and dumb has consequences.

You're welcome.

Yet, even my monster of a mind grinds its gears while contemplating the vast maze of mysteries that I am now just barely glimpsing. So many giftings! So many non-sarcastic "you're welcome"s. I don't even know what that sounds like. What does it sound like when someone says "you're welcome", only they're not being sarcastic?

Part 3: Read between the panty-lines

Those "gifts" are code-words, of course. One word means "children", another means pets, another means "ballerina panties", and so on down the endless list of perversions. I say endless because they invent perversions faster than I can document them. And I'm a hard worker.

Can every supposed handover of a lightly scratched coffee-table really be another hymen sacrifice on the altar of the Georgia Guide-stones?

Please, stop and read this again, slowly. This is not your standard internet numbing agent that you can use to momentarily silence your dopamine cravings. This is worth reading every word. Starting at the top. Then move leftward, stop at commas, and you know the rules.

Is it sinking in? If you thought the Taking The Red Pill was intense, this pill is so infra-red it's gone far off the color spectrum, into X-rays and spit.

Duty calls. We must research this, one Pepperoni hold-the-olives at a time.

I vow I will get to the bottom of this, even if it's the last thing I do other than golfing in Florida.