[Ezekiel Bathfire]

My usual Sunday School (The Mission to the Unfortunate of Des Moines) lesson to the children had been cancelled as several had not been able to sleep after last week’s description of Hell. I therefore found myself at a loose end after church on Sunday.

The dogs looked as if they could do with a walk but ‘Boy,’ my faithful retainer, was not around to do it, having taken Mrs. Bathfire to visit one of her numerous sisters, so I thought I might actually take them myself.

Whist walking near Zion Plantation, I met Tobias Jackson. We exchanged pleasantries and, as he too was unoccupied and in need of a diversion, we agreed to a dog-fight. Having goaded and provoked our dogs, we sat back and watched their brute animal spunk and skill. I was surprised that my Doberman/German Shepherd cross did so badly against his Pitbull.

It was whilst his dog was tearing the life out of mine that he mentioned that his wife had a bad back. It appeared that she woke doubled up and had been reduced to tears of pain when she tried to get out of bed that morning. Tobias explained he had had her lay 20 square yards of sidewalk pavers and thought that perhaps, during the course of this, a disabling spirit had entered her back.

(I could only agree with his observation, “A woman can’t concentrate on 2 things – Jesus and laying pavers.”)

I thought about the matter and suggested that we go back to his place and sort out his wife in the manner of

Lu:13:11: And, behold, there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself.
Lu:13:12: And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity.
Lu:13:13: And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.

Tobias cheered up immediately, so I shot what was left of my dog and we set out.

Tobias’s wife (he never did mention her name, but I suspect Mrs Bathfire will know it) was a sorry sight. Having been left alone to pray for a cure, and the cure not having arrived, she had been unable to move from her bed and the spirit of infirmity had caused her to soil herself quite badly.

We surveyed the scene for a while and decided the best thing would be to get a new bed. We then spent some time discussing the interesting subject of beds in general. I must say that Tobias hasn’t much control over his wife as she constantly interrupted with cries, whimpers, moans and even shouting!

Anyway, with Tobias’s permission, I laid hands on his wife’s back and told her she was loosed from her infirmity. The ungrateful harridan screamed that she wasn’t and told Tobias to get a “@#*!ING DOCTOR!”

We nodded to each other, as this was clearly a sign that the spirit of infirmity had a deep hold on her! We discussed the matter and decided the best way was a firmer laying on of hands, something that would ensure the passing of the power of healing from me to her. We dragged her out of bed and placed her face-down on the floor – the screams and words of the demon showed that it didn’t like this at all.

I then placed my hands on the small of her back and, using all my weight, did 5 quick press-ups (as many as I could manage.) On the third one, her cries and wails (she certainly was not "glorifying God"!) suddenly became silent and she lay in peace, the spirit of infirmity having left her in a deep sleep.

We went downstairs and watched a bit of football and then I went home.

This morning, Tobias ‘phoned me to say that his wife, still face-down on the floor, had died, and did I know any suitable women he could marry. To be honest, the only one I could think of was one of Mrs Bathfire’s sisters but I couldn’t fully remember her name, only that her personal hygiene was not as good as it might be.

Tobias said he’d call on her anyway and asked what I thought might have gone wrong with his late wife.

It was then that it came to me like a thunderbolt from Heaven! The reason was staring me in my face and had been all this time!!!

I had quite forgotten to read the verse before the instructions on Miraculous Healing,

Lu:13:10: And he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the sabbath.

Yes, right at the beginning I mentioned that “My usual Sunday School lesson to the children had been cancelled”!!!!!

Well, we had a laugh about that and both agreed we would know better next time.

So the moral is
1. Always quote verses in context
2. Jesus tells us how to live our lives but we must listen to all His Words.