[Meek and Humble]

ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT!!!

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher

ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT!!!

Glory! I've just sold all of my possessions except for my 1611 KJV Bible (I couldn't bear to part with it) and tithed all the money to Landover!

[James Hutchins]

Originally Posted by Jacob11

Glory! I've just sold all of my possessions except for my 1611 KJV Bible (I couldn't bear to part with it) and tithed all the money to Landover!

LOL, me too! I have mortgaged my homes and all properties, giving the money to the Church as instructed. I feel so free and unburdened. Tonight, I am taking the family out to dinner and I am going to buy everyone in the place's dinner too, all on the Platimun AMEX. I'll never see the bill - Whoo Hoo

[James Hutchins]

Originally Posted by Levi Jones

All I will say about Project Habakkuk is that, it has been even more successful than I could have drempt.

I saw the possible projections, but who knew what would have really happened? It's amazing.

Levi, I think you said too much.

Son... Brother Levi has no idea what he is talking about. He got confused about HabukiKabuki theather, you know, that slant stuff.

[Levi Jones]

Originally Posted by James Hutchins

Levi, I think you said too much.

Son... Brother Levi has no idea what he is talking about. He got confused about HabukiKabuki theather, you know, that slant stuff.

My apologies, Brother Jim. I obviously meant that other stuff you were talking about.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

I'd like to restate for the record that I have no idea.


Ask me again on Thursday.

Hmm, it's Thursday . . . and I've fully recovered from the fish problem. But what's the real deal? Will my congregation be saved too?

[Free Market Fred]

Originally Posted by Jacob11

Glory! I've just sold all of my possessions except for my 1611 KJV Bible (I couldn't bear to part with it) and tithed all the money to Landover!

Originally Posted by James Hutchins

LOL, me too! I have mortgaged my homes and all properties, giving the money to the Church as instructed. I feel so free and unburdened. Tonight, I am taking the family out to dinner and I am going to buy everyone in the place's dinner too, all on the Platimun AMEX. I'll never see the bill - Whoo Hoo

Greetings, Brothers Jacob & James. I want to applaud both of you for your deep understanding of short-term free-market economics. You've certainly made wise decisions.

I'd also like to invite both of you to apply for our pre-approved high-interest credit cards. All of your family members are also eligible to apply: the wife, kids and pets. Within minutes, you could all be enjoying steak dinners at our expense - I'll bet your dog Fido would like that!


Manna from Heaven.

As for repayment, with the world set to end in about one week, you're in the clear! And if The Lord decides to postpone Armageddon for awhile, you'll only be liable to pay the minimum $15/month for the first full year even if you borrow $5000 (at 29% annual interest). After the year is up, by that time we will have bundled your debt into a triple A-rated collateral-debt obligation (CDO) and sold it off to a pension fund, state or local government, a foreign bank, or some other sucker (and I will have collected my year-end bonus). So no problem - take your time paying!


Armageddon? Bah-humbug!

You guys are great. Just the sort of customers that have helped to make America what it is!

[Jacob the Angry Liar]

You can count me in, brother Fred. Where do I sign up?

[Free Market Fred]

Originally Posted by christian18

what's project habakukku?

Glad you asked, Brother 18.

Project Habakkuk is an old idea from before my time, back during World War II when my company was working with the Germans on oven manufacturing until that Joo-bastard Roosevelt forced us to switch sides. Anyway, Wikipedia gives the rundown:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Habakkuk

Project Habakkuk or Habbakuk (spelling varies; see below) was a plan by the British in World War II to construct an aircraft carrier out of pykrete (a mixture of wood pulp and ice), for use against German U-boats in the mid-Atlantic, which was out of range of land-based planes....

Unfortunately, it didn't work out because pykrete had a high melting point, and the whole project was suspended (but not before my company pocketed a tidy sum from government contracts). However, I'm happy to announce that engineers at our subsidiary Uranus Corporation recently came up with a modern improvement to pykrete, which we call Brown 25:

We've found so many uses for it: food containers, pharmaceuticals, vaccines, organic chocolate, etc. It's one of our most profitable products.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Just to let everyone know; I've cancelled all my engagements after March 3rd. I thought I'd stay home on March 4th and host a reception on my estate for the Platinum Tithers who will be Rapturing up to Heaven with me. We may as well travel in a group.

We may as well finish off my wine cellar as well.

[Petal]

Originally Posted by True Disciple

That's great, Petal! We can use every donation we can get!

i done solds all my medickashun over the innernets cuz i not gonna needs it no more, yay!

i sends that medickashun moneys to the pastors rite nows

[Cranky Old Man]

I know what I am going to do after the Rapture. I am going to watch Alfred Kong burn!

Originally Posted by Alfred King

The world is not going to end on March 4, 2010.

[Nobar King]

I decided not to return a couple of library books I have on loan. If the rapture doesn't happen I'll only owe a couple of dollars. I think I can afford that.

[Mrs. Rogers]

After church this morning I went into town with my "The Rapture -- March 4th 2010. Glory!" sign. It was a joyous witnessing session, as I stood next to another True Christian™, a man who stands quietly with an "Abortion is murder!" sign. He also has a large picture of a bloodied baby (or 'clump of cells', as the feminazis like to say).

We agreed that March 4th will be wonderful -- just think, GOD may very well Rapture babies out of their unsaved mother's wombs. Serves them right! However, I believe pregnant True Christian™ wives will be Raptured along with their unborn babies; it seems unlikely that the Lord will Rapture pregnant Christian women and leave their unborn babies behind.

I hasten to add this is mere speculation on my part ... but if the LORD does decide to leave mewling unborn Christian babies behind, He will have very good reason for doing so.

[Brother Quest]

Mrs. Quest and I are so excited. March 4th is our wedding anniversary. Its a wonderfull gift...

[Levi Jones]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Just to let everyone know; I've cancelled all my engagements after March 3rd. I thought I'd stay home on March 4th and host a reception on my estate for the Platinum Tithers who will be Rapturing up to Heaven with me. We may as well travel in a group.

We may as well finish off my wine cellar as well.

I see I'll be in the outside domed grotto, as usual. Pastor Zeke's parties usually involve wristbands. The silver one means we get served Bud Light and boxed wine.

[Meek and Humble]

Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne

Specifics regarding Project Habbakuk are strictly verboten. You should know that being the Lead Logistics Coordinator. Further Project Habbakuk dealings should be done in 256-bit encrypted private conversations.

I apologize Reverend. I have been careless knowing that the time is finally AT HAND!

[Buford T Scoggins]

Originally Posted by Free Market Fred

Glad you asked, Brother 18.

Project Habakkuk is an old idea from before my time, back during World War II when my company was working with the Germans on oven manufacturing until that Joo-bastard Roosevelt forced us to switch sides. Anyway, Wikipedia gives the rundown:

Unfortunately, it didn't work out because pykrete had a high melting point, and the whole project was suspended (but not before my company pocketed a tidy sum from government contracts). However, I'm happy to announce that engineers at our subsidiary Uranus Corporation recently came up with a modern improvement to pykrete, which we call Brown 25:

We've found so many uses for it: food containers, pharmaceuticals, vaccines, organic chocolate, etc. It's one of our most profitable products.

Howdy, Brother Fred. I got a little question that I hope you don't mind answering.

It's about this Brown 25 stuff - is it made in China? Now I realize that American workers can't compete, thanks to them communist labor unions run by Al Gore, so serves 'em right that you should move their jobs over to a capitalist country like China. But I also read in the National Enquirer that America was still the world's number 1 commodity producer. We make things like timber, lettuce, E Coli and Big Macs - no other country comes close to us! But even if we're gonna outsource things like kitchen cutting boards, I wanna know that the piece of wood that board is made out of came from a 100% American tree. And I wouldn't feel right if the cotton cloth in my made-in-China American flag came from any other country than the USA, still the world's greatest nation by a zillion miles!


Proudly 100% beef, made in the USA!

[Free Market Fred]

Originally Posted by Buford T Scoggins

Howdy, Brother Fred. I got a little question that I hope you don't mind answering.

It's about this Brown 25 stuff - is it made in China? Now I realize that American workers can't compete, thanks to them communist labor unions run by Al Gore, so serves 'em right that you should move their jobs over to a capitalist country like China. But I also read in the National Enquirer that America was still the world's number 1 commodity producer. We make things like timber, lettuce, E Coli and Big Macs - no other country comes close to us! But even if we're gonna outsource things like kitchen cutting boards, I wanna know that the piece of wood that board is made out of came from a 100% American tree. And I wouldn't feel right if the cotton cloth in my made-in-China American flag came from any other country than the USA, still the world's greatest nation by a zillion miles!


Proudly 100% beef, made in the USA!

Dear Brother Buford,

Although we do have local sources of Brown 25 in China, let me assure you Brother Buford that the vast majority is produced right here in the USA.

We supply it to all sorts of American businesses. Patriotic conservative newspapers are among our biggest customers. You could say that they are spreading it across the nation, from sea to shining sea!

[Meek and Humble]

Here's some of the messages I've seen from Christians around the world preparing for the upcoming Rapture.



Quote:
please!!!! Lord come in 2009 !!!!! im so tired of this nasty world!! what else JESUS just RAPTURE US!!!!
Quote:
AMEN!!
Quote:
I'm ready!
Quote:
YES PLEASE!!! but i believe it will be pre-tribulation period when the New World Order will be finished, and before the rise of the antichrist (which i believe i can identify him) but i red a post saying Christians shouldnt focus on the antichrist
Quote:
O LORD please pick me up when YOU passover in the heavens- as i am patiently waiting for YOU












me too - lol stephen
Quote:
I used to pray "Lord call us home soon" but now I pray "Lord call us home today and at night it's Lord call us home tonight.... soon is too long now!!
Quote:
I remember my pastor once saying, "If there were a bus to Heaven, I wouldn't get on it. I still have much work to do here."

I feel differently, and maybe because I feel like my work here is only to occupy and witness while I wait on Jesus. If there were a bus gearing up to go be with Jesus, the first thing I would do is grab my kiddos and go wait in line. Then I would call everyone I know from my cell phone while waiting in line. I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Af far as I am concerned, any time is good for me.
Quote:
I pray every monring and every night that today is the day that He calls us Home. That does not stop me from doing the work He has called me to do here, but I am world weary, home sick and can't stand much more time on this earth. And I don't feel a bit guilty about praying for Him to come back or longing to be with Him
Quote:
Yes, please come Lord Jesus!!
Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan Blair
I beg to differ: many in the Bride are still convinced that Jesus' coming is a far off event, or that He rules today in a spiritual millenial kingdom. We who are premillenialists are still the minority, although our numbers are growing. The Church has yet to really crave His returning.

Besides, it is not about us: God's will is that none should perish. His foot is still in the door, holding it open for a bit longer for those who would come in. Be patient and longsuffering; endure for a while longer, for persecution is on its way.

I guess I am not allowed to say anything....