This morning, at the invitation of my friend Pete, I attended church services offered by an organization called
Vinyard USA. Pete had explained to me that his church had a strong outreach program to the homeless, so I saw this as an excellent opportunity to harangue the homeless, telling them to give up the booze, the drugs, and other sins, get up off their asses, stop looking for handouts and get jobs. Alas, as I discuss below, I never got that far.
The morning started well enough. Pete and I showed up early to help set up for services. I met a lovely elderly lady, a retired schoolteacher, and we had an enchanting discussion of how the story of Noah is completely true, just as the Bible presents it. She pointed out that, if you move the continents around, they all fit together, which proves the story of the Flood. This woman knew more about geology than all of the professional, university trained geologists in the world.
So far so good, right? A good, Bible-believing church at which to share Christian fellowship. But then it all fell to pieces.
The first warning sign was the band. I have no problem with a band in a church service--after all, God did tell us to lift our voices and worship with drums and cymbals--but nowhere does the Bible tell us that we are to incorporate an electric guitar in our worship. The first half hour of the service was basically a rock concert with Jesus thrown into the mix every now and then as an afterthought. Satan could not have been more pleased than if he'd been up there at the altar fiddling in person.
Next came the Bible reading, which I considered a chance for this "church" to redeem itself. It was a homily on Romans 16, in which Paul sends his greetings to the Christians establishing the church in Rome. Paul greets both men and women, as is only proper. But the pastor in this church decided that this implied that men and women were equal in Pauline churches!!! Apparently this pastor had never read 1 Timothy 2, in which Paul said that women are to keep quiet in church and accept instruction from the menfolk.
Well, that was two strikes. Then came the sermon. All this pastor talked about was love and community and the grace of God. Not to deny the importance of these things, but there were several elements essential to a Christian sermon that were missing here:
1. A prayer for the white race. We always start with this at a Landover church service.
2. The repudiation of sin. The pastor did not even once mention the three worst sins of our age, sodomy, abortion, and confiscatory taxation of the wealthy.
3. A mention of the tribulations that the Godly Donald J. Trump faces as he fights for Christianity and the working white man.
4. A discussion of how Satan has America by the throat. The pastor did not even mention Satan once!
Well, I'd had enough. Never one to back down from a fight with the Devil, I took to my feet and started screaming "WHAT KIND OF CHRISTIANS ARE YOU? YOU DON'T REPUDIATE SIN, YOU DON'T REJECT THE DEVIL, YOU ALLOW WOMEN AUTHORITY OVER MEN, YOU DON'T SUPPORT GOD'S FAVORITE COUNTRY, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND THE GODLY REPUBLICAN PARTY! YOU THINK YOUR GOOD WORKS WILL GET YOU INTO HEAVEN, BUT THE ONLY FAITH YOU HAVE IS THE FAITH THAT GOD WILL SOLVE ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS FOR YOU!!! SALVATION IS BY FAITH ALONE! YOU ARE ALL DESTINED TO BURN IN HELL IF YOU DON'T STOP LISTENING TO THESE FALSE PROPHETS AND REPENT OF YOUR SINS!
As these lunatics escorted me out of their "church," I managed to deliver one final missive: "COME TO LANDOVERBAPTIST DOT NET, AND YE SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH, AND THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE!"
"Christians" like those people, with all of their talk about love, simply disgust me. I'm going to have to have a serious talk with Pete.