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Default Day 212. Isaiah 34-36 - 10-13-2009, 09:47 PM

Isaiah 34-36

Isaiah 34

1 Come near, ye nations, to hear; and hearken, ye people: let the earth hear, and all that is therein; the world, and all things that come forth of it.

Attention, attention, God's about to talk.

2 For the indignation of the LORD is upon all nations, and his fury upon all their armies: he hath utterly destroyed them, he hath delivered them to the slaughter.

This doesn't really bode well for humans.

3 Their slain also shall be cast out, and their stink shall come up out of their carcases, and the mountains shall be melted with their blood.

God's gonna kill people so fast, that there won't be time to bury them.

5 For my sword shall be bathed in heaven: behold, it shall come down upon Idumea, and upon the people of my curse, to judgment.

Idumea is Edom. Remember the Edomites were the children of Esau.

6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

Instead of telling us how God is going to kill everyone, Isaiah just tells us what he's going to do to Edom. Bozrah was the capital of Edom. God really hates Edom. Just like he hates fags.

7 And the unicorns shall come down with them, and the bullocks with the bulls; and their land shall be soaked with blood, and their dust made fat with fatness.

These aren't the unicorns that fart rainbows, these unicorns symbolize the people of Edom.

9 And the streams thereof shall be turned into pitch, and the dust thereof into brimstone, and the land thereof shall become burning pitch.

So, God will kill everyone, then make the rivers flow with goop, and start the land on fire!

10 It shall not be quenched night nor day; the smoke thereof shall go up for ever: from generation to generation it shall lie waste; none shall pass through it for ever and ever.

Remember, forever doesn't really mean that long.

13 And thorns shall come up in her palaces, nettles and brambles in the fortresses thereof: and it shall be an habitation of dragons, and a court for owls.

Unicorns, dragons, this chapter has them all!

14 The wild beasts of the desert shall also meet with the wild beasts of the island, and the satyr shall cry to his fellow; the screech owl also shall rest there, and find for herself a place of rest.

Yay, now there's satyr's!

16 Seek ye out of the book of the LORD, and read: no one of these shall fail, none shall want her mate: for my mouth it hath commanded, and his spirit it hath gathered them.

17 And he hath cast the lot for them, and his hand hath divided it unto them by line: they shall possess it for ever, from generation to generation shall they dwell therein.


Isaiah is saying that after these events have happened, you can go to the Bible (KJV1611) and read all about them happening. This wasn't a book of prophecy, this is HISTORY BEING WRITTEN... it was just written before it happened. Oh, and there's nothing you can do to stop it, eventually it's going to happen, just be prepared, it's Y2K all over again!

Isaiah 35

1 The wilderness and the solitary place shall be glad for them; and the desert shall rejoice, and blossom as the rose.

After God takes out his holy eraser, he's going to draw beautiful things, and everything will be perfect and beautiful, and that perfection and beauty will last for a long time, just like after Noah's flood...

5 Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf shall be unstopped.

How exactly did blind and deaf people escape the previous destruction, they couldn't have seen or heard it coming to get away?

6 Then shall the lame man leap as an hart, and the tongue of the dumb sing: for in the wilderness shall waters break out, and streams in the desert.

Even people who couldn't move managed to live.

8 And an highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called The way of holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it; but it shall be for those: the wayfaring men, though fools, shall not err therein.

The Highway of Holiness! Isaiah 35, Interstate 35. I-35 goes from Laredo Texas to Duluth Minnesota, it covers 1568 miles. 218 of those miles are in Iowa. It's no coincidence that it runs right next to Freehold!

9 No lion shall be there, nor any ravenous beast shall go up thereon, it shall not be found there; but the redeemed shall walk there:

The construction of the Landover I-35 Crosswalk (with Jesus) ® is almost completed too, it should be done in 2011.

10 And the ransomed of the LORD shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

For more on I-35 read this article.

Isaiah 36

The siege of Jerusalem by Sennacherib of Assyria.

1 Now it came to pass in the fourteenth year of king Hezekiah, that Sennacherib king of Assyria came up against all the defenced cities of Judah, and took them.

Sennacherib has already taken control of most of the southern kingdom, about the only city remaining was Jerusalem.

2 And the king of Assyria sent Rabshakeh from Lachish to Jerusalem unto king Hezekiah with a great army. And he stood by the conduit of the upper pool in the highway of the fuller's field.

Rabshakeh, is not to be confused with rump-shaker.

3 Then came forth unto him Eliakim, Hilkiah's son, which was over the house, and Shebna the scribe, and Joah, Asaph's son, the recorder.

Remember, Eliakim replaced Shebna as the most trusted, but for some reason, Shebna is still around, it may not be the same Shebnaas in Isaiah 22.

Rabshakeh starts to talk.

5 I say, sayest thou, (but they are but vain words) I have counsel and strength for war: now on whom dost thou trust, that thou rebellest against me?

Remember, Judah used to pay tribute to Assyria so that they wouldn't attack. Hezekiah stopped doing that.

6 Lo, thou trustest in the staff of this broken reed, on Egypt; whereon if a man lean, it will go into his hand, and pierce it: so is Pharaoh king of Egypt to all that trust in him.

Instead, Hezekiah formed an alliance with Egypt. Rabshakeh said that they couldn't trust Egypt to save them, at least he was correct.

8 Now therefore give pledges, I pray thee, to my master the king of Assyria, and I will give thee two thousand horses, if thou be able on thy part to set riders upon them.

Rabshakeh mocks them with the offer of 2000 horses, because he knows that Jerusalem probably doesn't have 2000 people to ride them.

11 Then said Eliakim and Shebna and Joah unto Rabshakeh, Speak, I pray thee, unto thy servants in the Syrian language; for we understand it: and speak not to us in the Jews' language, in the ears of the people that are on the wall.

Apparently, Rabshakeh was speaking in whatever version of Hebrew was being used at the time. Eliakim asked Rabshakeh to speak in Syrian, because he understood it but the soldiers who were on the wall listening in on the conversation didn't.

12 But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

Rabshakeh said he was there to speak to the men on the wall, the soldiers defending the city. He was telling them that if they put down their arms, they could leave the city and not be stuck starving. Eating their dung because they were out of food, and drinking their piss because they were out of water.

13 Then Rabshakeh stood, and cried with a loud voice in the Jews' language, and said, Hear ye the words of the great king, the king of Assyria.

Again, he talks to the common people. This is similar to when the U.S. psyops people drop leaflets on an area telling them that they are going to be bombed, if you don't leave the area, you are probably going to die. It is not similar to during the Afghanistan war when the U.S. sent food packages that looked suspiciously similar to cluster bombs.

15 Neither let Hezekiah make you trust in the LORD, saying, The LORD will surely deliver us: this city shall not be delivered into the hand of the king of Assyria.

Rumpshaker said that the people shouldn't think that Egypt will save them, and that their god would save them either.

16 Hearken not to Hezekiah: for thus saith the king of Assyria, Make an agreement with me by a present, and come out to me: and eat ye every one of his vine, and every one of his fig tree, and drink ye every one the waters of his own cistern;

The people were stuck in their city wall. They were probably standing up on top of the wall looking down at their vineyards, wishing they could go down and get some grapes to make wine. They could see their fig trees, plump with fruit, and they weren't able to get to that either, instead, they had shit sammiches.

18 Beware lest Hezekiah persuade you, saying, the LORD will deliver us. Hath any of the gods of the nations delivered his land out of the hand of the king of Assyria?

19 Where are the gods of Hamath and Arphad? where are the gods of Sepharvaim? and have they delivered Samaria out of my hand?


Remember, every nation had their own god. Bootyshaker told them that the gods of other nations weren't able to stand up to him, why would the god of Jerusalem be able to win. This REALLY PISSED OFF GOD!

20 Who are they among all the gods of these lands, that have delivered their land out of my hand, that the LORD should deliver Jerusalem out of my hand?

I mean, REALLY PISSED OFF GOD.

21 But they held their peace, and answered him not a word: for the king's commandment was, saying, Answer him not.

The blasphemy against the LORD also angered the people on the wall, and just restored their faith in the LORD that they would win, because of HIM.

22 Then came Eliakim, the son of Hilkiah, that was over the household, and Shebna the scribe, and Joah, the son of Asaph, the recorder, to Hezekiah with their clothes rent, and told him the words of Rabshakeh.

Their clothes were rent, because they were scared, they did have fear of Sennacherib, which may have been more than their fear of the LORD. Why wasn't Isaiah up on the wall with them. Why didn't Isaiah call down the fire from heaven like Elijah did?

So what have we learned today?

1. When the apocalypse comes, if you are a healthy person, you are probably going to die. If you have some deformity, you'll probably survive, and then be healed after.

2. Interstate 35 cures homosexuality.

3. Do not mock God, he may be pissed at his people for their stupidity, but he hates it more when outsiders do it.

4. Figs taste better than poop; wine tastes better than urine.

YIC
V


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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