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Unhappy PRAY FOR IVORY COAST / Côte d'Ivoire - 04-06-2011, 06:58 AM

This thread is a place to pray for God to spare Ivory Coast the massive earthquake and nuclear meltdown it deserves.

5 Reasons why GOD HATES IVORY COAST / Côte d'Ivoire:

1. Côte d'Ivoire exports chocolate, a psychoactive drug that causes sugar-high kids to defy their parents (a stoning offense: Deuteronomy 21:18-21), and wives to become fat and unpleasing to their husbands (I Peter 3:1-7, Ephesians 5:22-24, Col. 3:18-19).

2. Côte d'Ivoire's men are so weak and effeminate that they were conquered by France. They surrendered to surrender monkeys! They are not only overrun with homosexuals, but "bottom" homosexuals.

3. They don't even sell Ivory any more. Not the elephant tusks, nor the soap. I guess they chose to grow chocolate out of their proven cowardice: chocolate plants can't trample you.

4. God is punishing Côte d'Ivoire with AIDS and enough plagues to lower life expectancy to 41 for males. God is love and doesn't punish people like this unless they really, really deserve it. (God sends plagues: I Chronicles 21:12, II Chronicles 14:12).

5. Côte d'Ivoire just overthrew Laurent Gbagbo, a Christian and friend of American Republicans. From Salon (liberal-bias warning):

That includes a U.S. senator and acquaintance of Gbagbo who declined to intervene in the crisis when asked by the State Department earlier this year, a former congressman who was hired by Gbagbo as a lobbyist, and a Christian right TV network that ran a fawning profile of Gbagbo, even as violence engulfed Ivory Coast. The senator, Jim Inhofe of Oklahoma, today released a letter to Hillary Clinton calling for new elections in Ivory Coast, putting him in direct opposition to the view of the Obama administration, the United Nations and the African Union that Gbagbo lost a fair election.

Gbagbo, along with his influential wife, Simone, are evangelical Christians who are known for lacing their speeches with religious rhetoric. "God is leading our fight. God has already given us the victory," Simone Gbagbo, who is both first lady and politician in her own right, said at a rally in January. Both Gbagbos have attended the National Prayer Breakfast, a big annual Washington event run by the secretive Christian group known as the Family, or the Fellowship.

The Fellowship, founded in 1935, cultivates relationships with people in positions of power in both the United States and abroad (it has long been active in Africa) to promote conservative evangelical values. It has drawn controversy for, among other things, running the C Street House, where several members of Congress live, and its ties to proposed legislation in Uganda that would provide for the death penalty for the "crime" of homosexuality...

Another Christian right politician, former congressman Bob McEwen of Ohio -- who has also been a longtime participant in the National Prayer Breakfast -- recently worked as a lobbyist for Gbagbo. In December, McEwen was hired at a rate of $25,000 per month to assist the Ivorian ambassador to the U.S. "in exerting his influence in the most strategic way possible," according to lobbying records...

Gbagbo has also found support in right-wing Christian media. Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network has run multiple pieces supporting Gbagbo. A CBN reporter even traveled to Ivory Coast to look into claims of voter fraud and to conduct a friendly interview with Gbagbo, who is portrayed as a pious man deserving of admiration.

"Everybody says this man is an evil thug who needs to go," said Robertson introducing one segment in January. "That's not true. He's a Christian, he’s a nice person, and he's run a fairly clean operation in the Ivory Coast." Robertson later pointedly noted that the U.N. is "controlled so much by Muslim countries."

You can see how clean and Christian his operation is: here his troops execute uppity women who think they can involve themselves in politics instead of keeping silent as the Bible demands (I Corinthians 14:34-35, I Corinthians 11:3-12, I Timothy 2:8-15):


Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 04-06-2011 at 02:49 PM.
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Default Re: PRAY FOR IVORY COAST / Côte d'Ivoire - 04-06-2011, 02:55 PM

Wait, all the chocolate I see is labelled "Swiss Chocolate". Clearly this Ivory Coast place, even if it's not just another invention of the liberal-bias geographers, is NOT the land of chocolate.

MMMM, land of chocolate. lalalalala


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Default Re: PRAY FOR IVORY COAST / Côte d'Ivoire - 04-07-2011, 05:07 AM

Hell I love ivory. I have a complete set of 72 place settings in ivory. I've got everything from ivory coat hangers to ivory ashtrays. I just recently bought THIS for my fiancee Daisy Mae.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: PRAY FOR IVORY COAST / Côte d'Ivoire - 04-07-2011, 05:40 AM

I'm praying for the Ivory Coast to be smote off the face of the Earth!

Their democratically elect leader, Laurent Gbagbo, is being besieged by the Muslim hordes! And America's very own Muslim President, Obama, is supporting this!!! Just as he supports Al'Queda in Libya!

Millions of Muslims from neghboring countries poured into the Ivory Coast as illegal immigrants and then voted for a Muslim President. Illegal immigrants don't get to vote!

But the UN thinks they do. Obama thinks they do!

So the Christian man elected by the actual citizens of the Ivory Coast is being besieged by the Muslim challenger who was voted in by the illegal immigrants!!

I am praying hard that Jesus smites every last Muslim in Ivory Coast so it can be turned from a Satanic hellhole into a Christian Paradise. And if Jesus has some time left over I hope he smites the UN too!
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Default Re: PRAY FOR IVORY COAST / Côte d'Ivoire - 05-14-2011, 01:36 AM

It turns out they've found quite the mass grave over there. Has a True Christian™ gone on a safari without inviting me? I don't mean to toot my own horn, but my luggage-lifting skills are the talk of the town.

Either way, this is proof that prayer works. Though it hasn't stopped the muslims from (temporarily) taking over, everybody knows we're boycotting chocolate now, right?


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Default Re: PRAY FOR IVORY COAST / Côte d'Ivoire - 05-14-2011, 01:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr. View Post
I don't mean to toot my own horn, but my luggage-lifting skills are the talk of the town.
Mine are better! Jeb Thurmond keeps asking me to bend over and lift his luggage so I must be very good at it!


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