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Default 5 Tough Questions - 11-19-2006, 02:32 AM

Brothers, we have all been in those uncomfortable situations when a woman starts asking questions that seem simple enough, but are actually satanic traps designed to ruin an entire weekend.

The 5 toughest questions a woman can ask a Man are:
  1. What are you thinking about?
  2. Do you love me?
  3. Do I look fat?
  4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
  5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if we Men answer incorrectly (i.e tell the truth). Sometimes there is just not an easy Biblical answer for these situations, (outside of a good backhand). Therefore, as a public service, I have analyzed each question below, along with some possible Manly responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

  • Baseball.
  • Football.
  • How fat you are.
  • How much prettier she is than you.
  • How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

  • I suppose so.
  • Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
  • That depends on what you mean by love.
  • Does it matter?
  • Who, me?


Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

  • Compared to what?
  • I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
  • A little extra weight looks good on you.
  • I've seen fatter.
  • Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.


Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

  • Yes, but you have a better personality
  • Not prettier, but definitely thinner
  • Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
  • Define 'pretty'
  • Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.


Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

She....Would you get married again?
He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like being married?
He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?
He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

Good luck guys! I hope my advice here has helped.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-19-2006, 07:57 AM

That is very sound advice, Brother. When dear Mrs Pistle was still with us and since, on the rare occasion I date someone, I have a little funny I use when they call me:

RING, RING,

Me: Hello?
SUV or other tart: Hi hon!
Me: HI! Who's this?

Before going to the evening prayer meeting.

Date: Does this make my a$$ look fat?
Me: You betcha!


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-19-2006, 04:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Brothers, we have all been in those uncomfortable situations when a woman starts asking questions that seem simple enough, but are actually satanic traps designed to ruin an entire weekend.

The 5 toughest questions a woman can ask a Man are:
  1. What are you thinking about?
  2. Do you love me?
  3. Do I look fat?
  4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
  5. What would you do if I died?
Hmmm, I'd say the best answers are:
1. Jesus
2. Yes, but nowhere near as much as I love Jesus!
3. Don't worry about it, lardo, I'm sure even Mary got a bit porky when she was knocked up by GOD with Our Lord and Saviour.
4. No, but Jesus is.
5. Wait to join you in Heaven, where you can serve Jesus and me for eternity.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-19-2006, 06:05 PM

Boys; BOYS! Don't be Angry! I only stopped in for a quick moment in order to Tempt you with some of these "Chupacabra Chimichangas" with green Christmas Sauce that Mother Glynndie fixed and were leftover in The Lounge:



Except I'm not Giving Any to Pastor Pistle any more, so don't y'all, either.....

Now! I was just about to Chastise Pastor Ezekiel for not promoting "JESUS!" as the Correct answer for Question #2, but there! I see Bro. Temperance has already thoroughly mined that territory.

(All Right! All Right, I am leaving, then! No need to get so Violent!!!)
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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-19-2006, 08:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
The 5 toughest questions a woman can ask a Man are:
  1. What are you thinking about?
  2. Do you love me?
  3. Do I look fat?
  4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
  5. What would you do if I died?

1:Killing Islamists for Jesus.
2:After Jesus? Sure. You're my silver medal.
3:Nothing a diet and eating less won't fix.
4:Of course I do, but she's not fat so do you blame me?
5:Try and get a newer model so I can make more babies for Jesus Army.


God bless America, the Second Amendment and the Constitution. God bless the United States Marine Corps and all who fight for Jesus in third world cess pools. God bless the GOP and all they stand for, Truth, Honesty and the American people. God bless Landover Baptist Church and all True Christians™ the world over. Curses to our Muslim President, his failure is our Salvation.
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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 01:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
The 5 toughest questions a woman can ask a Man are:
  1. What are you thinking about?
  2. Do you love me?
  3. Do I look fat?
  4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
  5. What would you do if I died?
  1. How much I love you — and also what a great team you and I make in fighting racism, sexism, and classism; what postmodernism teaches us about ending war, hunger, and oppression; what I need to do to prepare my lecture notes for the next seminar on Derrida, and what I can do with the leftover tempeh in the fridge.
  2. Of course I love you. Please don't stress the I/you duality too much, since it places too much emphasis on the individual and not enough on the collective, but other than that, I do love you.
  3. Please don't buy into the body fascism that the conservative corporate establishment uses to objectify and oppress women and get them to buy more stuff that they don't need, thereby greasing the gears of capitalism.
  4. See above.
  5. I would grieve for you, of course, but I would also give thanks for your life to Mother/Father God and commend your soul to God. If I got enough insurance money, I could be a stay-at-home dad for Kayla, and I'm sure that would be very empowering for her.
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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 03:11 AM

Have a look at Darren's answers, landoverites. Right there are answers that would not get you castrated. (Except that last one, if my husband starting talking about 'commending my soul to god' I'd be suspicious that someone slipped something in his drink!)

Thankyou, Darren for a half-decent response in the middle of all that chauvinistic drek.



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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 06:56 AM

I don't know. I just feel a woman doesn't have the nedd to be asking questions in the first place.


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5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 07:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Have a look at Darren's answers, landoverites.
Thank you for pointing them out. Now that I have read some of them it becomes clear that "Darren" is probably "Darlene".


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 08:47 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Thank you for pointing them out. Now that I have read some of them it becomes clear that "Darren" is probably "Darlene".
Better a liberal girlie-man than a bumbling gorilla like GWB. Of course, he might have taken the whole sweetness thing a bit TOO far.....but still better than a bumbling gorilla.



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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 09:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darren Ingram-Myers View Post
  1. How much I love you — and also what a great team you and I make in fighting racism, sexism, and classism; what postmodernism teaches us about ending war, hunger, and oppression; what I need to do to prepare my lecture notes for the next seminar on Derrida, and what I can do with the leftover tempeh in the fridge.
  2. Of course I love you. Please don't stress the I/you duality too much, since it places too much emphasis on the individual and not enough on the collective, but other than that, I do love you.
  3. Please don't buy into the body fascism that the conservative corporate establishment uses to objectify and oppress women and get them to buy more stuff that they don't need, thereby greasing the gears of capitalism.
  4. See above.
  5. I would grieve for you, of course, but I would also give thanks for your life to Mother/Father God and commend your soul to God. If I got enough insurance money, I could be a stay-at-home dad for Kayla, and I'm sure that would be very empowering for her.
*applauds* very nicely done, not that I've ever heard any girl ask the majority of of those questions to her signifigant other - the fat one i've heard, but not the others. I suppose it's good to have an answer, just in case (females can be vindictive at times, anyone else noticed that?) Besides, in the 'wonderful' Landover society, would your poor women *cough* slaves *cough* even have the will power to speak up?
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Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 02:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
(Except that last one, if my husband starting talking about 'commending my soul to god' I'd be suspicious that someone slipped something in his drink!)
I'd be suspicious, too. How could anyone still have hope for your salvation?


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
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Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 07:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Have a look at Darren's answers, landoverites. Right there are answers that would not get you castrated. (Except that last one, if my husband starting talking about 'commending my soul to god' I'd be suspicious that someone slipped something in his drink!)

Thankyou, Darren for a half-decent response in the middle of all that chauvinistic drek.
Well, if Hellsinner's chasing after the communist hippy means us poor True Christian™ menfolk get a break from her unnatural attentions for a few minutes, that can only be a good thing, I suppose.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Rachael Van Helsing Rachael Van Helsing is offline
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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 10:43 PM

Even if I were not married I wouldn't be flirting with you guys. You're all horrid, all of you!

I daresay any girl you're interested in won't be happy to know you're thinking about her future value in life insurance.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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hellion hellion is offline
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hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 10:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Brothers, we have all been in those uncomfortable situations when a woman starts asking questions that seem simple enough, but are actually satanic traps designed to ruin an entire weekend.

The 5 toughest questions a woman can ask a Man are:
What men should answer if they were really in love.
  1. What are you thinking about? You.
  2. Do you love me? Yes.
  3. Do I look fat? You look perfect, like always.
  4. Do you think she is prettier than me? Are you kidding? How could anyone be prettier than you?
  5. What would you do if I died?You wouldn't. I'd save you.
See, that wasn't so hard! You men just need to think a little. Or perhaps a lot...
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Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
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Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-20-2006, 11:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellion View Post
See, that wasn't so hard! You men just need to think a little. Or perhaps a lot...
Are you asking us to lie? One again, the secularists show their contempt for morality.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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not_satan not_satan is offline
Satan's Party Ewe
 
 
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not_satan is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-21-2006, 04:03 AM

aaaaahahaha......damn this stuff is halarious....and sadly so so true

Last edited by eliot mayfield; 11-21-2006 at 06:54 AM.
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hellion hellion is offline
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Posts: 564
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hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.hellion is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-22-2006, 01:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Are you asking us to lie? One again, the secularists show their contempt for morality.
Maybe you need to lie because you can't find love. Maybe that's why you're so up-tight and angry all the time, because you can't truelly love. All you can love is your idiotic beliefs.
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Pastor Isaac Peters's Avatar
Pastor Isaac Peters Pastor Isaac Peters is offline
Senior Pastor
Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
Always Biblically correct
 

1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Publisher's Choice True Heterosexual™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Tithing Manager Christian Love Ex-Mary Worshipper Long service medal, 2nd class Senior Pastor Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Ex-liberal True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Outreach preacher True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Anti-sodomy Hands Off Crown of Glory Probing for Jesus Alternative Facts Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-22-2006, 02:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellion View Post
Maybe you need to lie because you can't find love.
I don't need to lie because I have found love — true love, the kind described in the following Scripture passage:

Eph. 5:22-24: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.

Quote:
Maybe that's why you're so up-tight and angry all the time, because you can't truelly love.
Uptight and angry all the time? Us?

Name:  pot_kettle.jpg
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Maybe you're so uptight and angry all the time because you just don't want to accept God's plan for you as a female.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Brother Temperance's Avatar
Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
Senior Usher
True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
A very nice young man
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One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Long service medal, 2nd class Christian Love Saved 5 Years The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking True Heterosexual™ Ex-Christ-Killer Public Awareness Medal Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus TC Bravery Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Ex-Brit True Republican Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: 5 Tough Questions - 11-22-2006, 12:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by More Saved Than Thou View Post
I don't need to lie because I have found love — true love, the kind described in the following Scripture passage:

Eph. 5:22-24: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.

Uptight and angry all the time? Us?

Is that Michael Richards on the left there?

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, love. We True Christians are FULL of love, as God commands:
Deuteronomy 6:5 And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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