Uh oh,
looks like our conservative brothers-in-arms the Taliban are running into a spot of bother with policy differences and infighting. I propose they put down their bazookas and come together under an initiative led by Ted Cruz to hash out a common platform. To start them off, I've jotted a few notes down for them to take and run with.
1. Beheadings only on Mondays. This can help provide motivation for the rest of the work week.
2. Women may show their ankles as long as they are not of child bearing age. So under 10 and over 50 (details to be hammered out).
3. Broadcast religious readings 6 times daily. This is +1 from before to show they're serious.
4.
Death to America. Peace to, uh... (to be discussed).
5. Cessation of voting rights to prevent fraud.
6. Etc. etc.