[Mary Etheldreda]

Dear, this is what "due respect" to an esteemed member of the forum and the Family Man of the Year 2011 might look like:

Originally Posted by Bree Tarkanian

With all due respect, Sir, you are absolutely right. The Spirit of the LORD is powerful in you, even a lowly unsaved trash such as myself can see that. Thank you for taking the time out of your very busy day to ask why my parents hate Jesus. I don't know. If they didn't, they never would have spoiled me so much as a child.

[James Hutchins]

Originally Posted by Bree Tarkanian

I have not had any children, though we're hoping that happens soon.

As for the last question, it's because he loves me.

Making male babies for God does not just 'happen'. Put your back into it. Every single day, morning, noon through night, make your womanly filthy bits available for your husbands abundant deposits of seed. As disgusting as you may be, coax your husband into wanting to lie with you. Do what ever he may want to make the experience bearable for him.
Stop scrubbing it with lye. Instead, sit on a bench and simply let Gods air waft away the stench.
A real woman is with son within a day or two of marriage.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Originally Posted by Bree Tarkanian

With all due respect, Sir, why are you being so rude? I've been very respectful and I didn't think I could have offended someone. If I've done something to upset you, please let me know so I can work on it.

Billy Bob lost a child to severe lactose intolerance, so gets very distressed by references to cheese, ice cream, milk, and especially yogurt.

Also, never serve him a large helping of hummus in a white cotton napkin. It just brings back too many bad memories of poor lost Billy Bob Jr.

The child died shortly before Billy Bob came to Jesus--I understand one of Landover's outreach specialists met Billy Bob at the child's funeral, just a few days too late for Junior--and Billy Bob often blames himself for not getting right with God sooner. For, you see, he now knows that his little Junior isn't just "gone", but will spend eternity being burned alive in God's Lake of Fire. Probably with uncontrollable diarrhea. All because Billy Bob chose to ignore God.

Please try to be a little more sensitive to our members, dear.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Why did your parents name you after that stink cheese they eat in Godless France?

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.