[Martin J. Godeberht]

John 16

2 They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service.

Only True Christians™ aren't terrorists.

5 But now I go my way to him that sent me; and none of you asketh me, Whither goest thou?

Apparently Jesus forgot about the smackdown He gave Peter back in chapter 13 about asking this exact question (John 13:36).

7 Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.

Jesus and the Holy Spirit are kind of like Bruce Wayne and Batman, but in a supernatural, even more badass kind of way.

8 And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment:

The world has been supernaturally served.

9 Of sin, because they believe not on me;
10 Of righteousness, because I go to my Father, and ye see me no more;
11 Of judgment, because the prince of this world is judged.

These are the three categories of reproval. On the face they don't seem to follow (ie, reproved of righteousness because Jesus is going to the Father), but remember the True Christian™ has the Holy Spirit living in him, testifying the truth of truths like this to be true whether or not they make sense without a lot of mental gymnastics. Jesus never expected everyone to go to seminary like some fancy scholars, so He had the bible written to be understood with faith.

12 I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now.

Jesus must have seen the look of complete incredulity on the disciples' faces at this point, because He changes the subject. He goes on to talk about the spirit of truth who will guide True Christians™ into all truth because he shall not speak of himself. Again, it doesn't seem to follow on the surface, but the Holy Spirit makes it possible to be true in our hearts anyway (John 16:13-15).

The Disciples’ Grief Will Turn to Joy

16 A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me, because I go to the Father.

Jesus has been saying this since at least chapter 14, but perhaps that whole mess with Judas distracted them, because now they're confused and muttering to themselves (John 16:17-19). Jesus then goes on to tell them to chill, soon they'll be as happy as a brand new mother who just whelped out a whopping 11 pound baby (John 16:20-21).

22 And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.

This isn't really good-bye. Remember the house Jesus is going to fix up (John 14:2)? We'll be stoked to see Him when we get there.

24 Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

Anything you want, ask in Jesus' name, and He's good for it (some restrictions may apply; John 15:5-6).

25 These things have I spoken unto you in proverbs: but the time cometh, when I shall no more speak unto you in proverbs, but I shall shew you plainly of the Father.

Jesus knows He's confused the heck out of His friends, and while He makes no apologies or talks in a way they can understand, He does tell them that He'll show them the Father.

29 His disciples said unto him, Lo, now speakest thou plainly, and speakest no proverb.

The disciples want Jesus to cut with the word salad, and tell Him they believe He came from God (John 16:30).

31 Jesus answered them, Do ye now believe?

This is an odd question since they just said so, but maybe Philip in the back there was watching a gecko on the wall and missed this part of the conversation so Jesus repeated it. Jesus predicts that they'll be scattered soon and will leave Him alone even though He told them in the last chapter He would abide in them if they abide in Him (John 16:32).

John 17
Jesus Prays to Be Glorified

17 These words spake Jesus, and lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, Father, the hour is come; glorify thy Son, that thy Son also may glorify thee:

Basically, Jesus talks about being glorified so that the Father can be glorified, so True Christians™ can pick up their eternal reward (John 17:2-5).

Jesus Prays for His Disciples

6 I have manifested thy name unto the men which thou gavest me out of the world: thine they were, and thou gavest them me; and they have kept thy word.
7 Now they have known that all things whatsoever thou hast given me are of thee.

God gave Jesus these disciples to believe, and they believe. Jesus' work here is done.

9 I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.

Make no mistake, Jesus only prays for True Christians™.

12 While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.

God could have fulfilled another scripture and left Judas alone, or He could have made Jesus sermons too powerful and compelling to ignore, but in His infinite wisdom He knew damning Judas in order to reveal Jesus as the Christ was the best plan.

16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.

Jesus promised an end to the parables, but He couldn't resist this last one. It must be figurative, because if it were read literally we would be Mormons.

20 Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word;

Jesus includes future True Christians™ in His prayer (John 17:21-26).

25 O righteous Father, the world hath not known thee: but I have known thee, and these have known that thou hast sent me.

After 4000 years, the Jews never really did catch on, even when Yahweh Himself wandered through their camps (Deuteronomy 23:14).

John 18
Jesus Arrested

4 Jesus therefore, knowing all things that should come upon him, went forth, and said unto them, Whom seek ye?
5 They answered him, Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus saith unto them, I am he. And Judas also, which betrayed him, stood with them.
6 As soon then as he had said unto them, I am he, they went backward, and fell to the ground.

We're in the garden now and the gang's all here. Matthew, Mark, and Luke record Judas kissing Jesus to identify Him to the soldiers (Matthew 26:47-49; Mark 14:43-45; Luke 22:47-48), but John didn't see that. Instead, he saw everyone air punched in the gut and thrown to the ground at the mere identification of the Christ. This is a badass Savior, and make no mistake. There's no time for men kissing in this recollection of historical events.

7 Then asked he them again, Whom seek ye? And they said, Jesus of Nazareth.
8 Jesus answered, I have told you that I am he: if therefore ye seek me, let these go their way:

Jesus asked them again, just to let them save face and pretend they didn't just get knocked to the ground by supernatural forces, and after they caught their breaths they started to haul Him away.

10 Then Simon Peter having a sword drew it, and smote the high priest's servant, and cut off his right ear. The servant's name was Malchus.

Peter pulls out his sword and delivers a surprise Van Gough to the guy whose job it was to empty the high priest's chamber pot. Jesus thought Peter over reacted and dared Peter to call Him a scaredy cat again. (John 18:11-12).

13 And led him away to Annas first; for he was father in law to Caiaphas, which was the high priest that same year.

This differs from Matthew, Mark, and Luke again (Matthew 26:57; Mark 14:53; Luke 22:54), but True Christians™ don't have to worry about these semantics because Matthew, Mark, and Luke didn't. Matthew didn't mention Annas, and Mark and Luke didn't mention either by name, but no one ever said Jesus didn't go to Annas.

Peter’s First Denial

17 Then saith the damsel that kept the door unto Peter, Art not thou also one of this man's disciples? He saith, I am not.

Peter screws up the first time.

The High Priest Questions Jesus

19 The high priest then asked Jesus of his disciples, and of his doctrine.
20 Jesus answered him, I spake openly to the world; I ever taught in the synagogue, and in the temple, whither the Jews always resort; and in secret have I said nothing.

The bible reader might remember when Jesus told people His sermons were meant to be secret, to be understood by only for a select few (Matthew 13:10-11; Mark 4:10-11; Luke 8:9-10). But technically, the teaching was heard in public, so it wasn't exactly a secret that He was keeping secrets.

21 Why askest thou me? ask them which heard me, what I have said unto them: behold, they know what I said.
22 And when he had thus spoken, one of the officers which stood by struck Jesus with the palm of his hand, saying, Answerest thou the high priest so?

After Jesus answered the question, He immediately asked, "Why are you asking me?" For this, He gets slapped. The officer who dared bitch-slap God in the face is no doubt right now suffering excruciating pain at the barbed end of Satan's tallywhacker for that kind of insolence. Let that be a warning to you.

Peter Screws Up Again. And Again

25 And Simon Peter stood and warmed himself. They said therefore unto him, Art not thou also one of his disciples? He denied it, and said, I am not.
26 One of the servants of the high priest, being his kinsman whose ear Peter cut off, saith, Did not I see thee in the garden with him?
27 Peter then denied again: and immediately the cock crew.

Now, John records that Peter denied Jesus before the girl at the door, several anonymous persons, one of the high priest's servants. Matthew says Peter denied Jesus before a servant girl, another girl, and then a crowd of people (Matthew 26:69-73). Mark states Peter denied Jesus before a servant girl, the same girl again, and then a crowd of people (Mark 14:66-71). Luke says Peter denied Jesus before a servant girl, a man, and then another man (Luke 22:54-60). More semantics. Those people don't count anyway. The point is, Peter screwed up just like Jesus predicted he would.

Jesus Before Pilate

33 Then Pilate entered into the judgment hall again, and called Jesus, and said unto him, Art thou the King of the Jews?

Here the Jews want Jesus dead, but they told Pilate they don't want to be the ones to actually pull the trigger (John 18:29-32). So Pilate came back to Jesus and asked Him point blank, "Are you the king of the Jews?" Back in chapter 13 we saw Jesus doesn't like to give a straight answer. This time is no different and He answers with a vague non-answer (John 18:34).

35 Pilate answered, Am I a Jew? Thine own nation and the chief priests have delivered thee unto me: what hast thou done?

He's basically saying, "How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm not a Jew, but your people hate you and want you dead." This didn't confuse Jesus, who had been so loved by these same people that they were pissing themselves to see Him come to Jerusalem earlier in the week (John 12:13). But He's God and He knows what's about to go down. You've got to wonder what Jesus said that turned them against him faster than the GOP turned against Donald Trump, but Jesus just rolls with it and gives the an answer that made Pilate scrunch up his face and tell his servant to bring him a whiskey.

36 Jesus answered, My kingdom is not of this world: if my kingdom were of this world, then would my servants fight, that I should not be delivered to the Jews: but now is my kingdom not from hence.

Because there are no servants defending Jesus, He's legitimately a king. From another world. Pilate's headache is getting worse.

37 Pilate therefore said unto him, Art thou a king then? Jesus answered, Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice.

Pilate asks again, "Straight up, answer me yes or no. Are you a king?" Jesus replies, "You said it, not me." Which still isn't a straight answer, but that's the best Pilate's going to get an he knows it.

38 Pilate saith unto him, What is truth? And when he had said this, he went out again unto the Jews, and saith unto them, I find in him no fault at all.

This is a fantastic question, and probably the best one asked in the entire bible. What is truth? True Christians™ know it is anything that supports True Christianity™, but it would take some time to get that all sorted out.

39 But ye have a custom, that I should release unto you one at the passover: will ye therefore that I release unto you the King of the Jews?
40 Then cried they all again, saying, Not this man, but Barabbas. Now Barabbas was a robber.

The crowd wants to see Jesus hang by a cross because they know a robber is less trouble than a grimy, homeless man who claims to be the Messiah.