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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 02-27-2021, 10:09 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ringobingostarr View Post
zero jokes

This is the place where you tell a Good, Clean Christian Joke. Weren't you like the 4th best drummer in that Monkees tribute band?


If I have seen further, it is by stepping on the heads of others.
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Rebuke Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 02-28-2021, 03:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ringobingostarr View Post
you guys can't even tell funny jokes lmfaooooo
You want to hear a funny joke? John Lennon and George Harrison, the two dung beetles who were musically talented, are in Hell right now for mocking Jesus and worshipping Buddha. Their less talented hangers-on Paul McCartney and the other guy will join them before long, to be tortured eternally in the Lake of Fire. You may be able to someday witness a Beatles reunion, Live in Hell, if you don't get right with God, fall down on your knees and worship Him. Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum.


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 03-06-2021, 11:34 PM



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 08-31-2021, 07:49 AM

A couple of Taliban are on their way to Friday prayers.

Achmed: "I got a new Toyota Hilux for my eldest daughter last week."

Abdul: "Really? Sweet!"

Achmed: "Yeah. I kinda miss her though."


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 09-15-2021, 08:15 PM

Why shouldn't you let Prince Andrew look after your daughter?

He'll think babysitting is a sex position.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 09-16-2021, 03:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deaf Kate View Post
Why shouldn't you let Prince Andrew look after your daughter?

He'll think babysitting is a PORNOGRAPHY DELETED.

Ma'am, I'm not sure what your definition of "clean" is but that kind of potty talk is not welcome on God's favorite website.


If I have seen further, it is by stepping on the heads of others.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 11-03-2021, 08:29 PM

Two Jews walk into a bar and ask for some water. Why? Because its free, you schmuck!


If I have seen further, it is by stepping on the heads of others.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 11-04-2021, 02:38 AM



What was Hitler's favorite kind of burger?
A Nuremberger.

What's a Jew's favorite Beatles song?
Penny Lane.


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
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Stove Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 11-20-2021, 01:51 AM

How many pallbearers will Lizzo need at her funeral?

Just one, the forklift driver.


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
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Talking Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-14-2021, 02:23 AM

What is Donald Trump's favorite reading material?MAGAzines.


If you could punch one celebrity in the face, who would you pick, and why did you pick Lizzo?


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 12-14-2021, 07:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
If you could punch one celebrity in the face, who would you pick, and why did you pick Lizzo?
I would pick Lizzo because waidddaminute... you said Lizzo, and I said... Is this witchcraft? I'm going to have to report this.


If I have seen further, it is by stepping on the heads of others.
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Cool Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 01-28-2022, 03:53 AM

So there's this barbershop. One day a Buddhist monk comes in and asks what he charges. "No charge for a holy man such as yourself," says the barber. So he shaves the monk's head for free, and the next day what does he find on the doorstep? A dozen oranges.

Later, an Irish priest comes into the barbershop and asks what he charges. "No charge for a holy man such as yourself," says the barber. So he cuts the priest's hair for free, and the next day what does he find on the doorstep? A dozen potatoes.

Later still, a Jew rabbi comes into the barbershop and asks what he charges. "No charge for a holy man such as yourself," says the barber. So he trims the rabbi's Jewlocks for free, and the next day what does he find on the doorstep? A dozen rabbis.


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
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Post Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 02-01-2022, 12:57 AM

Why don't Muslims eat pork?

Because cannibalism is against their religion.


I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 02-01-2022, 08:04 AM

Q: What do you call a liberal activist without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless


If I have seen further, it is by stepping on the heads of others.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 05-23-2022, 04:20 PM

How much fuel does a Russian tank burn?

Three crew members.
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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 05-26-2022, 05:54 AM

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?

A: God couldn't find three wise men or a virgin there.


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 05-26-2022, 07:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Poland?

A: God couldn't find three wise men or a virgin there.
I was going to quibble that the wise men came from the east, but in this case that'd be Russia, and ... yeah.


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Default Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes - 06-14-2022, 03:01 AM

What's the difference between a unicorn and the Holocaust?

There's evidence that unicorns exist.

(Job 39:9, Psalms 29:6, Psalms 92:10, Numbers 23:22)


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