[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

As you are all aware, there have been several emergency meetings today in Freehold, and the first emergency measure has been passed. Starting immediately, all women in Freehold regardless of age or marital status are required to wear chastity belts and carry a gun due to the impending urban rape gangs that "President" Osama Barack is expected to set loose on the nation!
If you do not own a chastity belt because you did not think you would need one after marrying, my husband - Mr. Whitford - will keep the store he owns (Saved! ...For Marriage, in the Landover Christian Mall) open all night tonight and until midnight tomorrow.
If you do not own a gun, please stop by Landover Security within the next 24 hours. They have some questions for you.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

In addition, I don't want to see any unaccompanied females out in public. If you aren't escorted by your Husband, Father, Brother or Pastor, expect a beating from one or more of Bobby Joe's boys in security.

Jesus wants you White girls kept safe.

[Bob4God]

For the strange minority of you who do not own weapons, once you've completed being questioned by Landover Security, come on over to FREEHOLD FIREARMS on the corner of Exodus and 7th and we'll get you all fixed up!

I would personally like to see squadrons of armed male citizens of Freehold between the ages of 13 and 25 on a constant patrol of our fine Christian Community.

They would be responsible for escorting the lovely but unmarried Ladies of Landover about their daily business, such as shopping for groceries, tending to the chores and even going to the restroom. (Yes, I know it may be uncomfortable to have a male escort patroling the bathroom as you do your lady business, but it's better than being raped by a crackhead darkie hiding behind the shower curtain, isn't it?!)

There are only a few weeks of peace left for us to enjoy before the ghetto onslaught begins!

For you women out there aspiring to live up to the Godly image of Sarah Palin, I have just custom-ordered a new line of pastel pink .22 pistols and .357 magnums that will fit in any purse and match your church clothes! (Purchasing of these female firearms is subject to the approval of your father or husband.)

WE MUST PREPARE NOW!

I will be having a meeting with Bobby-Joe in security about forming and training an army of Christian Soldiers to protect the lilly white Christian girls in our community! FREEHOLD FIREARMS on the corner of Exodus and 7th would be willing to form a fair business deal with Landover Security to provide all of the body armor and automatic rifles you need.

I have, with the safety and happiness of my community at the front of my mind, written up a well-balanced 8-year contract that only needs your signature, Bobby-Joe. Let's get to work on securing the future of Christianity in this country for JESUS CHRIST.

What better way to support your local economy and protect your homes?

[Nobar King]

Modest dress would be appropriate to keep the darkies away. Make sure all skin is covered and you won't be attracting all kinds of unwanted attention.

[JennyD]

Will there be some sort of extra assistance given to the ex-Negroes?

We know how easily they could be swayed to the darkie side.

[Kadir123]

Originally Posted by Bob4God

I would personally like to see squadrons of armed male citizens of Freehold between the ages of 13 and 25 on a constant patrol of our fine Christian Community.

Congratulations, you just got this website reported to the IC3 Department.

[Talitha]

Originally Posted by Kadir123

Congratulations, you just got this website reported to the IC3 Department.

Since when has self-protection been an Internet Crime?

[SayvedByTheLord]

Why do you hate families and Jesus ?

Originally Posted by Kadir123

Congratulations, you just got this website reported to the IC3 Department.

[eliot mayfield]

Originally Posted by Kadir123

Congratulations, you just got this website reported to the IC3 Department.

Oh dear!~
Ever heard of the DOF?

[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Kadir123

Congratulations, you just got this website reported to the IC3 Department.

[Kadir123]

Self protection isn't, giving guns to CHILDREN under 18 is.

[SayvedByTheLord]

The children are under full parental supervision. What is your point ?

[Kadir123]

Its still illegal for a child under 18 to handle a gun?

[SayvedByTheLord]

Not as long as they have been through an approved hunter safety course.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

We like to teach em young. It's good for them.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Kadir123

Its still illegal for a child under 18 to handle a gun?

Here in Freehold, gun ownership is mandatory. No exceptions. Even my dogs pack heat.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Originally Posted by Kadir123

Its still illegal for a child under 18 to handle a gun?

Good gracious you are misguided. Here are several pictures of Freehold youth before and after successful hunts:

[H. Montague Worthington]

Originally Posted by Capt. A. Portway

Good gracious you are misguided. Here are several pictures of Freehold youth before and after successful hunts:

Captain, are those your beautiful children? They certainly are lovely! And such good shots!



Above is a picture of my son (on the right) and his friend showing their joy after getting their hunting license from the City Hall.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

The middle one is the only one that are my kids. I have two boys, Brisket Caleb and Faldar Elsroth and a girl, Verbina Dew. Brisket is 19, Faldar is 11, and Verbina is 18. That's Brisket and Verbina in the picture from years ago. Those were happy times.

I haven't seen dear Faldar for a couple of years, he's living on a commune with his mother Pearl somewhere in Washington state I think. It breaks my heart to think he's probably running around barefoot, and possibly nude, surrounded by hippies.

[Bob4God]

No Godless liberal anti-gun activists are going to take our weapons away, no sir!

I've heard that Freehold, Iowa has the largest concentration of firearms and ammunition in the entire United States! Makes us walk a little taller!