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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 02-18-2009, 05:15 PM

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Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Nothing like a good plate of poutin to warm your body and give you some extra energy to make it thru the cold months:

Poutine

French fries topped with cheese curds, egg, bacon and covered in brown gravy.
Brother, you just made me gag up my Centrum Silver chewable. Never post things like this without an appropriate warning lest you make my arteries turn to stone in an instant. I'm pretty sure no one could actually eat that without keeling over dead.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 02-21-2009, 12:54 AM

Brother Nobar, I am truly praying for the state of your arteries.
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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 02-21-2009, 05:52 PM

After viewing those pictures I still feeel you need Divine intervention. I'm going to my prayer closet now...
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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 02-22-2009, 02:50 AM

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Originally Posted by eliot mayfield View Post
Covered in real butter with Blueberry syrup, they're fine with me! And a wee bit of powdered sugar on top!
DO NOT egg those two homers on! I do not want to see chocolate covered bacon. I do not want to hear about popcorn or pancakes cooked in bacon fat. I'm about to gag.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 02-22-2009, 01:06 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
DO NOT egg those two homers on! I do not want to see chocolate covered bacon. I do not want to hear about popcorn or pancakes cooked in bacon fat. I'm about to gag.
Now, now Pastor Pistle, there's no need to put on an act in front of us. It's obvious to any True Christian™ with eyes that you are pining for the late Mrs. Pistle's home cooking, God rest her soul.

I recall how she used to make a wicked plate of deep-fried peanut butter, bacon and banana sandwiches for your lunch every day!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 02-27-2009, 03:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Baconnaise is so good it was featured on the Daily Show to high acclaim:
http://www.briansbelly.com/news-blog...here-to-stays/
John Stewart also liked the pancake-on-a-stick.
I am probably going to have to kill you eventually.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 02-27-2009, 02:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Robert Roberts View Post
In the Roberts household we don't consider it a proper meal unless it contains at least:
20,000 calories
10,000 mg sodium
300 grams fat, most of which are the good saturated type.

Furthermore, if it can't be hunted with a handgun, rifle or machine gun, it ain't food.
Vegetables are allowed as long as they total less than 1% of the entire meal. Heathen foods such as tofu and seaweed are not permitted.

Home made spirits are permitted only for adults over the age of 11.

Jesus told Mr. Roberts that this is the only acceptable diet for True Christians.
I am sure you mean 'shotgun' instead of 'machine gun'. Women have no idea about these things. That is fine meal planning for the corn belt but out here in the middle of the Pacific we have to survive any way we can. Green sea turtles are meaty and good but you have to cook them and make sure the Fish and Game guy doesn't catch you. Fish are easier; just catch 'em, fillet and eat with soy sauce and lemon. No cooking required. We are lucky that there are feral game birds and animals here and plenty of chickens and cattle. I don't eat much horse, dog or cat, but the Filipinos eat all that stuff and you can be guaranteed a taste sensation at a Flipper wedding. I never go because they are all cat lickers and part of my official duty is to shiv all the priests I see....so after three weddings and three priests I don't get many invites.

Flippers are ingenious though. They build metal trailers with about twenty skewers across them hooked together with bicycle chain. Then they catch a couple hundred chickens from the dump and skewer them, pour the bottom full of dry wood and gasoline and light it off. They even have electric motors to turn the chickens so they are evenly burned to a crisp.

Whenever I have guests (read 'moochers') I pay seven bucks for a scrawny junkyard chicken carcass which tastes of burnt feathers and gasoline and feed it to them. If they had tithed more they might have got something better.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 02-28-2009, 01:43 AM

Pastor, I don't know how to break this to you, but in my most recent missionary trip to the Orient I discovered a dark ugly secret.

You know that "soy sauce" that you like so well? It's made over in one of the slant countries.....It turns out that the Jap word for soy sauce is "show-you" which translates as.....BUG JUICE!!

That's how they make it. With giant bug presses...


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 02-28-2009, 11:12 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
I am sure you mean 'shotgun' instead of 'machine gun'. Women have no idea about these things. That is fine meal planning for the corn belt but out here in the middle of the Pacific we have to survive any way we can. Green sea turtles are meaty and good but you have to cook them and make sure the Fish and Game guy doesn't catch you. Fish are easier; just catch 'em, fillet and eat with soy sauce and lemon. No cooking required. We are lucky that there are feral game birds and animals here and plenty of chickens and cattle. I don't eat much horse, dog or cat, but the Filipinos eat all that stuff and you can be guaranteed a taste sensation at a Flipper wedding. I never go because they are all cat lickers and part of my official duty is to shiv all the priests I see....so after three weddings and three priests I don't get many invites.

Flippers are ingenious though. They build metal trailers with about twenty skewers across them hooked together with bicycle chain. Then they catch a couple hundred chickens from the dump and skewer them, pour the bottom full of dry wood and gasoline and light it off. They even have electric motors to turn the chickens so they are evenly burned to a crisp.

Whenever I have guests (read 'moochers') I pay seven bucks for a scrawny junkyard chicken carcass which tastes of burnt feathers and gasoline and feed it to them. If they had tithed more they might have got something better.
I didn't realize that you did not live in America. Are you a missionary?
Middle of the Pacific? Guam? It must be difficult being so far away from God's favorite country. I'm sure you have to fight off the heathens routinely.
I'm going to send you out a weekly shipment of good ole American food. Too much fish can lead to demonic possession. OK? Do you like your racoon crispy fried? I'll send a freshly baked pie out as well.
You are right about me not knowing that much about guns. That's a man's job. But we do in fact have many machine guns. Mr. Roberts says that it's necessary in case of an insurrection of the many coloreds that live nearby.
Mrs. Robert Roberts


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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 03-01-2009, 07:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Pastor, I don't know how to break this to you, but in my most recent missionary trip to the Orient I discovered a dark ugly secret.
Uuughh!

Thank goodness I have always avoided this condiment, because I knew that, obviously, soy sauce contains soy.
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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 03-01-2009, 07:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Pastor, I don't know how to break this to you, but in my most recent missionary trip to the Orient I discovered a dark ugly secret.

You know that "soy sauce" that you like so well? It's made over in one of the slant countries.....It turns out that the Jap word for soy sauce is "show-you" which translates as.....BUG JUICE!!

That's how they make it. With giant bug presses...
GAHHHHHHHHHHH! It's my own fault I suppose. When I grew up everything was made in America and of course we didn't have that sort of stuff in stores. I just expect that if the label is written in English it's made in the good old USA of pure, wholesome ingredients.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! - 03-01-2009, 08:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Robert Roberts View Post
I didn't realize that you did not live in America. Are you a missionary?
Middle of the Pacific? Guam? It must be difficult being so far away from God's favorite country. I'm sure you have to fight off the heathens routinely.
I'm going to send you out a weekly shipment of good ole American food. Too much fish can lead to demonic possession. OK? Do you like your racoon crispy fried? I'll send a freshly baked pie out as well.
You are right about me not knowing that much about guns. That's a man's job. But we do in fact have many machine guns. Mr. Roberts says that it's necessary in case of an insurrection of the many coloreds that live nearby.
Mrs. Robert Roberts
No, I served in Guam for a year, but the people are mostly Filipinos and catlicks so it's like living in Tiajuana. I live in the MIDDLE of the Pacific. The most remote island chain in the world. Hawaii. I appreciate the thought Sister, but I don't eat raccoon. They taste too much like rat. Once in awhile you can catch a fresh young beaver, but at my age I would rather just buy them than go to the trouble.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have several machine guns around the house. I'm just saying you can ruin a perfectly good food item by blowing it into particles. I'll take the pie and thanks! I like blueberry, apple, and especially pecan if you have a pecan tree. Sister SUV is always sending me her raspberries and one wonders where she finds so many.

No rhubarb, please!

YIC
Pastor Al


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"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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