Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women For the women of Landover to discuss recipes, shoes, makeup tips, or whatever it is you natter about. Ensure you have the proper permission from your husband or father before posting. |
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
02-18-2009, 05:15 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
Nothing like a good plate of poutin to warm your body and give you some extra energy to make it thru the cold months:
Poutine
French fries topped with cheese curds, egg, bacon and covered in brown gravy.
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Brother, you just made me gag up my Centrum Silver chewable. Never post things like this without an appropriate warning lest you make my arteries turn to stone in an instant. I'm pretty sure no one could actually eat that without keeling over dead.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Jesus's Favorite Nurse
Forum Member
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Posts: 974
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Landover Basement
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
02-21-2009, 12:54 AM
Brother Nobar, I am truly praying for the state of your arteries.
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Jesus's Favorite Nurse
Forum Member
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Posts: 974
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Landover Basement
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
02-21-2009, 05:52 PM
After viewing those pictures I still feeel you need Divine intervention. I'm going to my prayer closet now...
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
02-22-2009, 02:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield
Covered in real butter with Blueberry syrup, they're fine with me! And a wee bit of powdered sugar on top!
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DO NOT egg those two homers on! I do not want to see chocolate covered bacon. I do not want to hear about popcorn or pancakes cooked in bacon fat. I'm about to gag.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
02-22-2009, 01:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
DO NOT egg those two homers on! I do not want to see chocolate covered bacon. I do not want to hear about popcorn or pancakes cooked in bacon fat. I'm about to gag.
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Now, now Pastor Pistle, there's no need to put on an act in front of us. It's obvious to any True Christian™ with eyes that you are pining for the late Mrs. Pistle's home cooking, God rest her soul.
I recall how she used to make a wicked plate of deep-fried peanut butter, bacon and banana sandwiches for your lunch every day!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
02-27-2009, 03:22 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
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I am probably going to have to kill you eventually.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
02-27-2009, 02:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Robert Roberts
In the Roberts household we don't consider it a proper meal unless it contains at least:
20,000 calories
10,000 mg sodium
300 grams fat, most of which are the good saturated type.
Furthermore, if it can't be hunted with a handgun, rifle or machine gun, it ain't food.
Vegetables are allowed as long as they total less than 1% of the entire meal. Heathen foods such as tofu and seaweed are not permitted.
Home made spirits are permitted only for adults over the age of 11.
Jesus told Mr. Roberts that this is the only acceptable diet for True Christians.
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I am sure you mean 'shotgun' instead of 'machine gun'. Women have no idea about these things. That is fine meal planning for the corn belt but out here in the middle of the Pacific we have to survive any way we can. Green sea turtles are meaty and good but you have to cook them and make sure the Fish and Game guy doesn't catch you. Fish are easier; just catch 'em, fillet and eat with soy sauce and lemon. No cooking required. We are lucky that there are feral game birds and animals here and plenty of chickens and cattle. I don't eat much horse, dog or cat, but the Filipinos eat all that stuff and you can be guaranteed a taste sensation at a Flipper wedding. I never go because they are all cat lickers and part of my official duty is to shiv all the priests I see....so after three weddings and three priests I don't get many invites.
Flippers are ingenious though. They build metal trailers with about twenty skewers across them hooked together with bicycle chain. Then they catch a couple hundred chickens from the dump and skewer them, pour the bottom full of dry wood and gasoline and light it off. They even have electric motors to turn the chickens so they are evenly burned to a crisp.
Whenever I have guests (read 'moochers') I pay seven bucks for a scrawny junkyard chicken carcass which tastes of burnt feathers and gasoline and feed it to them. If they had tithed more they might have got something better.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
02-28-2009, 01:43 AM
Pastor, I don't know how to break this to you, but in my most recent missionary trip to the Orient I discovered a dark ugly secret.
You know that "soy sauce" that you like so well? It's made over in one of the slant countries.....It turns out that the Jap word for soy sauce is "show-you" which translates as.....BUG JUICE!!
That's how they make it. With giant bug presses...
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 109
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Arkansas of course!
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
02-28-2009, 11:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
I am sure you mean 'shotgun' instead of 'machine gun'. Women have no idea about these things. That is fine meal planning for the corn belt but out here in the middle of the Pacific we have to survive any way we can. Green sea turtles are meaty and good but you have to cook them and make sure the Fish and Game guy doesn't catch you. Fish are easier; just catch 'em, fillet and eat with soy sauce and lemon. No cooking required. We are lucky that there are feral game birds and animals here and plenty of chickens and cattle. I don't eat much horse, dog or cat, but the Filipinos eat all that stuff and you can be guaranteed a taste sensation at a Flipper wedding. I never go because they are all cat lickers and part of my official duty is to shiv all the priests I see....so after three weddings and three priests I don't get many invites.
Flippers are ingenious though. They build metal trailers with about twenty skewers across them hooked together with bicycle chain. Then they catch a couple hundred chickens from the dump and skewer them, pour the bottom full of dry wood and gasoline and light it off. They even have electric motors to turn the chickens so they are evenly burned to a crisp.
Whenever I have guests (read 'moochers') I pay seven bucks for a scrawny junkyard chicken carcass which tastes of burnt feathers and gasoline and feed it to them. If they had tithed more they might have got something better.
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I didn't realize that you did not live in America. Are you a missionary?
Middle of the Pacific? Guam? It must be difficult being so far away from God's favorite country. I'm sure you have to fight off the heathens routinely.
I'm going to send you out a weekly shipment of good ole American food. Too much fish can lead to demonic possession. OK? Do you like your racoon crispy fried? I'll send a freshly baked pie out as well.
You are right about me not knowing that much about guns. That's a man's job. But we do in fact have many machine guns. Mr. Roberts says that it's necessary in case of an insurrection of the many coloreds that live nearby.
Mrs. Robert Roberts
George Jesus Bush
Savior of Democracy
Help stop wasting taxpayer dollars on education spending.....Support home schooling, because reeding is fundermental.
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
03-01-2009, 07:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Pastor, I don't know how to break this to you, but in my most recent missionary trip to the Orient I discovered a dark ugly secret.
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Uuughh!
Thank goodness I have always avoided this condiment, because I knew that, obviously, soy sauce contains soy.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
03-01-2009, 07:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Pastor, I don't know how to break this to you, but in my most recent missionary trip to the Orient I discovered a dark ugly secret.
You know that "soy sauce" that you like so well? It's made over in one of the slant countries.....It turns out that the Jap word for soy sauce is "show-you" which translates as.....BUG JUICE!!
That's how they make it. With giant bug presses...
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GAHHHHHHHHHHH! It's my own fault I suppose. When I grew up everything was made in America and of course we didn't have that sort of stuff in stores. I just expect that if the label is written in English it's made in the good old USA of pure, wholesome ingredients.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking! -
03-01-2009, 08:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Robert Roberts
I didn't realize that you did not live in America. Are you a missionary?
Middle of the Pacific? Guam? It must be difficult being so far away from God's favorite country. I'm sure you have to fight off the heathens routinely.
I'm going to send you out a weekly shipment of good ole American food. Too much fish can lead to demonic possession. OK? Do you like your racoon crispy fried? I'll send a freshly baked pie out as well.
You are right about me not knowing that much about guns. That's a man's job. But we do in fact have many machine guns. Mr. Roberts says that it's necessary in case of an insurrection of the many coloreds that live nearby.
Mrs. Robert Roberts
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No, I served in Guam for a year, but the people are mostly Filipinos and catlicks so it's like living in Tiajuana. I live in the MIDDLE of the Pacific. The most remote island chain in the world. Hawaii. I appreciate the thought Sister, but I don't eat raccoon. They taste too much like rat. Once in awhile you can catch a fresh young beaver, but at my age I would rather just buy them than go to the trouble.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have several machine guns around the house. I'm just saying you can ruin a perfectly good food item by blowing it into particles. I'll take the pie and thanks! I like blueberry, apple, and especially pecan if you have a pecan tree. Sister SUV is always sending me her raspberries and one wonders where she finds so many.
No rhubarb, please!
YIC
Pastor Al
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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