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Default Delinquent Tithers - 05-23-2015, 04:44 PM



Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Grammar Nazi Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-23-2015, 09:58 PM

Pastor, Do you still have that aging calendar girl - Miss June or something - working in the office. She's misspelled Brother Horace and Sister Mabel's name. Again. Please tell her for next time that 'Cunningham' has 3 'n's, not 2.


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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-23-2015, 10:39 PM

I regret my own failings in the paucity of my recent contributions. I fear that my congregation's funds have been frozen due to certain uncalled for actions by the Internal Revenue Service, the Treasury Department and the FBI. As a result, Church employees, like myself, have not been paid in some weeks. We have prayed over the situation and the answer has been that we are right, they are all wrong and we have been called to open a new bank account for tithes that the godless government doesn't know about. I hope to rectify my past due account in short order. God Bless!


God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-25-2015, 11:12 AM

I do not understand why these people do not simply use ChristPay™ and provide the Church with their bank and routing number. Jesus can get what is due unto Him with no fuss.
It makes no sense to risk True Salvation™ over a few dollars. Just imagine the horror of arriving in Heaven, waiting in the lines for days, weeks possibly until it is your turn to be Judged©. Your file on the desk and being line reviewed. The occasional "hmmm', 'Hrumpf', 'Oh my', and if you are a True Christian, ' Excellent, Outstanding really'. Then those green bar printouts, showing all income from all sources (Yes, even that dime grandma gave you when you were five) on one side and on the other, how much you gave to Jesus and how much you joo'd him out of.
Could you imagine being denied access to Heaven all over a dime? No one will ever fault you for over tithing. Spending money on your family is a temporary thing, spending it on God is for all of eternity. Stay the course, keep focused on the Brass Ring of Eternal Bliss©.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-26-2015, 02:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
I do not understand why these people do not simply use ChristPay™ and provide the Church with their bank and routing number. Jesus can get what is due unto Him with no fuss.
It makes no sense to risk True Salvation™ over a few dollars. Just imagine the horror of arriving in Heaven, waiting in the lines for days, weeks possibly until it is your turn to be Judged©. Your file on the desk and being line reviewed. The occasional "hmmm', 'Hrumpf', 'Oh my', and if you are a True Christian, ' Excellent, Outstanding really'.
Fine testimony, Brother Hutchins. Use of ChristPay™ has the potential to bring every member tithe up to date and the opportunity to add to the funds needed for Pastor Zeke's new Airbus.

We're just now at a turning point across the entire globe. The opportunity is there to convert all the Hindu, Islam and other fake faiths to Jesus. We need LBC funded to the max and Pastor Zeke on that Airbus preaching around the world.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Delinquent Tithers - 05-26-2015, 03:08 PM

I've been talking with my friends over at Mastercard/Visa Merchant services and I might be able to get them to up their process service fee 1%. The customers will not ever notice it but that 1% adds up. Of course it will be on the customer end and not the merchant. God knows how hard it is for a business to stay above ground in this Obama economy. If this works out, the funds will go into the Pastors discretionary fund and not the general fund.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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