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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Pastor Ezekiel Is So Hot! -
01-23-2010, 11:51 PM
I am falling madly in love with Pastor Ezekiel; he is so hot! Sir, you are one of the sexiest men I have ever seen in my life and I am developing a serious crush on you! What should I do with these feelings?
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Pastor Ezekiel Is So Hot! -
01-23-2010, 11:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior Man
I am falling madly in love with Pastor Ezekiel; he is so hot! Sir, you are one of the sexiest men I have ever seen in my life and I am developing a serious crush on you! What should I do with these feelings?
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Take a number, have a seat, and grab a magazine. Jesus will be sending you to hell in due course.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Re: Pastor Ezekiel Is So Hot! -
01-24-2010, 12:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Take a number, have a seat, and grab a magazine. Jesus will be sending you to hell in due course.
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I would rather go to Iowa and be with you, sweetheart! Hell is a little too hot for my liking! So, what do you say, hot stuff?
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Pastor Ezekiel Is So Hot! -
01-24-2010, 12:03 AM
Maybe she'd be interested in some souvenir copies of the LBC 2009 calendar?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Pastor Ezekiel Is So Hot! -
01-24-2010, 12:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Warrior Man
I would rather go to Iowa and be with you, sweetheart! Hell is a little too hot for my liking! So, what do you say, hot stuff?
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What I say is what God says; You are "an abomination."
Just because Jesus Blessed me with the same blond hair and blue eyes that he has, and just because I swim 5 miles a day and maintain rock hard abs and an adonis-like body with endless stamina, that doesn't mean that I want to commit sodomy with you, okay?
Besides, I've been engaged for over 6 years. That should tell you something.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Excuse Me! -
01-24-2010, 12:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
Maybe she'd be interested in some souvenir copies of the LBC 2009 calendar?
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Ah...excuse me! I am not a 'she'; I am a man, you jerk!
So, does the LBC calendar contain lots of photos of Pastor Ezekiel? If so, I would definitely be interested!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Excuse Me! -
01-24-2010, 12:10 AM
OK, no, I just remembered that they're all sold out.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2010
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Rock-Hard Abs, Eh? Nice! -
01-24-2010, 12:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
What I say is what God says; You are "an abomination."
Just because Jesus Blessed me with the same blond hair and blue eyes that he has, and just because I swim 5 miles a day and maintain rock hard abs and an adonis-like body with endless stamina, that doesn't mean that I want to commit sodomy with you, okay?
Besides, I've been engaged for over 6 years. That should tell you something.
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Uh...rock-hard abs; an adonis-like body; sir, you just made my male member 'rock-hard'! What about your hot ass? Can you describe that for me? I am definitely an ass-man!
You have engaged for over six years now? What are you waiting for, man? Marry the girl, already! Unless, of course, you would rather marry me! (I live in Canada, so it would be legal, too!)
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2010
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What The Fudge? -
01-24-2010, 12:15 AM
Uh...why did my name just change to 'Andy Lutz', instead of 'Warrior Man'? What the fudge is going on?
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: What The Fudge? -
01-24-2010, 12:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy Lutz
Uh...why did my name just change to 'Andy Lutz', instead of 'Warrior Man'? What the fudge is going on?
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You are a retarded idiot so we made sure everyone can recognize you as such.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 309
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: n/a
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Re: Rock-Hard Abs, Eh? Nice! -
01-24-2010, 12:26 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy Lutz
Uh...rock-hard abs; an adonis-like body; sir, you just made my male member 'rock-hard'! What about your hot ass? Can you describe that for me? I am definitely an ass-man!
You have engaged for over six years now? What are you waiting for, man? Marry the girl, already! Unless, of course, you would rather marry me! (I live in Canada, so it would be legal, too!)
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Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. (Leviticus 18:22)
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them
(Leviticus 20:13)
For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. (Romans 1:26-27)
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. (Galatians 5:16-17 )
Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others. (Ephesians 2:3)
For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
(1 John 2:16)
You, sir, are a sick bastard and will burn in the deepest pits of Hell for your sins.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2010
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How Rude! -
01-24-2010, 12:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
You are a retarded idiot so we made sure everyone can recognize you as such.
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You hurt my feelings, 'Cranky Old Man'; why would you say some thing like that to me? I can not help falling in love with Pastor Ezekiel; he is so fine!
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: How Rude! -
01-24-2010, 12:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy Lutz
You hurt my feelings, 'Cranky Old Man'
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You are lying. You will end up in hell .
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2010
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An Apology, Please! -
01-24-2010, 12:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
You are lying. You will end up in hell .
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Why is part of my post missing? Any way, no, I am not lying; you did hurt my feelings; as a gay man, I am very sensitive, and I think your comments were uncalled for and un-Christ-like. I will await your apology!
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: An Apology, Please! -
01-24-2010, 12:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy Lutz
Why is part of my post missing?
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It's called quoting. A complex concept which goes way over your tiny little brain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy Lutz
I will await your apology!
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I apologize for not being blunt enough for you to get through. YOU ARE STUPID, PLEASE GO AWAY! BURN IN HELL!
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2010
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How Rude Of You, Jacob! -
01-24-2010, 12:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob11
You, sir, are a sick bastard and will burn in the deepest pits of Hell for your sins.
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Jacob, it really hurt my feelings when you called me a 'sick bastard'; that was not a very Christian thing for you to do. I hope you will apologize to me for saying that!
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: How Rude Of You, Jacob! -
01-24-2010, 12:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy Lutz
I hope you will apologize to me for saying that!
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We apologize for not being blunt enough for you to get through. YOU ARE STUPID, PLEASE GO AWAY! BURN IN HELL!
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 309
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: n/a
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Re: How Rude Of You, Jacob! -
01-24-2010, 12:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy Lutz
Jacob, it really hurt my feelings when you called me a 'sick bastard'; that was not a very Christian thing for you to do. I hope you will apologize to me for saying that!
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You just hurt my feelings by saying that I am not very Christian. I am offended. I hope you take back what you said, I'm about to cry right now
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 22
Join Date: Jan 2010
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I Take It Back! -
01-24-2010, 12:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob11
You just hurt my feelings by saying that I am not very Christian. I am offended. I hope you take back what you said, I'm about to cry right now
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I take it back, Jacob; I am sorry that I hurt your feelings; please don't cry! It is just that I am so madly in love with Pastor Ezekiel that I don't know what to do with myself! I guess that just made me kind of cranky; ergo, the comment I made to you. Can you ever forgive me, Jacob?
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: How Rude Of You, Jacob! -
01-24-2010, 01:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacob11
I'm about to cry right now
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Don't cry Brother. He is just a bad dirty atheist and he will go away soon.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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