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Default Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-10-2011, 03:07 AM

Dear Friends,

Normally it is you that comes to me for help, but tonight it is I that am asking you to enlighten me on something that has weighed heavily on my heart as of late.

You see, I have this friend, we'll just call him "Mark." He's not so much a friend as one of my biggest fans, actually. Anyway, "Mark" has a problem. He compulsively masturbates and cannot stop himself. Whenever he is alone he has to masturbate. At first he'd only masturbate when he was bored, but gradually he started masturbating all the time, to the point where he now does it while working. When he isn't masturbating, "Mark" has confided only in me, he incessantly thinks about masturbating and feels a tingling-feeling in his genitals, to the point where he cannot bare going any longer without touching himself. His thoughts are constantly of masturbating, even when he's done it so many times that day he can no longer physically reach orgasm.

As "Mark's" masturbation frequency increased it became harder and harder for him to satisfy himself. It used to only take a minute or two once a day to get the job done, but now "Mark" takes about ten minutes five or six times a day to get there. He used to just think about his wife or Katie Couric (don't ask), but about two years ago "Mark" started looking at pornography on the internet to aid him. At first the porn was just solo women, but gradually he started looking at harder stuff. No longer did one naked woman please him and he started looking at two women, or a woman and a man, or a woman and two men, or two women and a man, or three men and a woman, or three men and a woman while a midget watches. One day while masturbating Mark realized how good it felt when he closed his windpipe on something just as he reached orgasm so he started trying to do things with straps and ropes and such to achieve a better orgasm. When it became too complicated to both masturbate and choke himself at the same time, "Mark" started paying day laborers outside the liquor store to strangle him for $20 while he masturbated in the back of his sport utility vehicle. I'll spare you the rest of the sordid details but let's just say "Mark" hit rock bottom when he could only get off by watching video he'd taken with little webcams he'd hidden in the toilets of the women's restroom at Arby's (while a Vietnamese immigrant strangled him, of course), which resulted in a lifetime ban from all Arby's restaurants (on $1 Roast Beef Melt week, of all weeks).

Now "Mark" is a good man; he has a wife, kids and even two grandchildren. He loves them with all his heart. He has a successful career and many people look up to him. On top of all this he is also a Christian who loves Jesus greatly and knows that every time he rubs himself to debauched pleasure he is saddening Jesus. My friend, "Mark," wants to stop doing this, but he feels that he physically can't.

He's tried quitting. Once "Mark" was able to make it a whole three days without masturbating before he finally broke down and squeezed one out in a porta-potty at his grandson's Little League game while weeping and apologizing to Christ after seeing the silhouette of a nude woman on the tire flap of a big rig. During those three days he couldn't think straight, he was on edge, and his body was shaking violently. Afterwards my friend, "Mark," went to see his Pastor and confided this information in him (and, let me remind that Pastor, expects confidentiality in this topic on the grounds that he donated a great deal of money to the church as well as doing various favors for the church and its pastors) in the hopes of finally overcoming his problem. After extensive psycho-analysis, therapy and prayer sessions they had gotten no where. The pastors even asked him to supply them with videos of his affliction for some reason that was never made fully clear to "Mark," which was uncomfortable and rather embarrassing when he looks back on it. Yet in the end none of this managed to help "Mark" cure his masturbation problem.

Eventually "Mark" got caught in the act and now his wife is threatening to leave him. On top of that his son won't let him be around his grandkids anymore and his bosses are threatening to can him because of how often he masturbates at work. "Mark" has tried everything and he's at the end of his rope. "Mark" is willing to do anything to stop masturbating, even something experimental. "Mark" is willing to take experimental medications that will stop him from masturbating, experimental surgeries, experimental procedures. Anything. He's willing to be put in a straight jacket and have Clockwork Orange things be done to him as long as these awful thoughts will go away. And the tingling, always with the tingling! "Mark" is willing to have electrodes attached to his testicles or something... anything! Just make it stop.

I hope, dear brothers, that you will find pity for "Mark" and his affliction and will keep him in your prayers. If you have any information on any legal or semi-legal solutions to his problem you can post them in this topic or e-mail them directly to me and I'll let "Mark" know. "Mark" is very embarrassed about this, which is why it has taken him so long to seek help, but he would just like to remind you all that we're all humans and have flaws, and God gives us these flaws so we can overcome them. "Mark" wants nothing more than to overcome this and get back to being the man I once was. He would also like to one day be able to step foot in an Arby's again because typing this up has made him really want an Ultimate Angus.

Thank you for your time and please keep "Mark" in your thoughts and prayers,
Washburn 'Big Tex' Rutherford O'Hanley
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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-10-2011, 03:21 AM

Wow, this guy Mark sounds like a real pervert.

Have you referred him to my essay on the subject "STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION"?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-10-2011, 03:25 AM

Brother Wash, I'm thankful that you have brought this story before the brethren (and not the sistren). If there is anyone who can help your friend Mark, it is a True Christian™ man. There are also many ex-masturbators among the congregation, myself among them.

While I am not a doctor, if it is a pharmaceutical solution Mark is looking for, I would recommend a heavy tranquilizer, preferably one that prevents him from using his arms, as the arms are frequently involved in masturbation. A bottle of grain alcohol may inhibit the achievement of erections, depending on Mark's age.

If drugs are ineffective at treating his ailment, marriage may take the edge off of things for a while. It is a shame that secular law prevents us from owning concubines, as these could rotate in for the wife as she "matures" (goes south).

I do not know how well you know Mark, but if there is any suspicion that he is involved in anal play, autonomously or otherwise, you should do a full intervention. Bring his wife and kids into the room, close friends, any body who might be impacted by his choice to have anal intercourse with himself or otherwise masturbate and stimulate himself. Have them all present him with the ways in which his private manipulations of his own prostate have impacted their lives. Tell them not to soften the blow by leaving anything out, as it is ultimately in his best interest to cease this unnatural behavior. Remember, his soul is in eternal peril.


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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-10-2011, 03:26 AM

Why does Mark confide in you so much? Do you think he's getting off on describing his masturbation to you in such detail? Sounds kinda homer-like to me. I think he wants you to imagine his big rigid manhood a lot. You can tell Mark for me that he's a big sick twisted freak that doesn't even deserve to live, if I had my way.

I've never told Anyone about my masturbation fantasies, let alone another GUY. Mark is a sick pervert and only deserves are scorn. No offense of cOurse
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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-10-2011, 06:00 AM

Quote:
Anything. He's willing to be put in a straight jacket and have Clockwork Orange things be done to him as long as these awful thoughts will go away. And the tingling, always with the tingling! "Mark" is willing to have electrodes attached to his testicles or something... anything! Just make it stop.
Jesus offered some very salient advice.

From the Gospel of Mark:

Mark 9:43-48
And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:
Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.
And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:
Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.
And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire:
Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.


How serious is "Mark" in his walk with Christ? Is "Mark" truly able to receive the teachings of Jesus?

Matthew 19:12
For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.


II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-10-2011, 12:36 PM

Wash, have you tried hitting his testicles with a hammer when the tingling starts? I do that with my boys. It is what God would do. God likes hammers. After all, Jesus was a carpenter


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-10-2011, 01:48 PM

drugs are chemicals, and I think this is a great method. Now you can use it internally, but external use is by far the best.


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-10-2011, 01:50 PM

Oh, please, Brothers, enough of this foolishness over the idea of pharmaceuticals for this affliction. Drugs are not the answer.

My urges are quickly thwarted by pulling out the picture of Nancy Pelosi I carry with me.


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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-10-2011, 01:52 PM

Perhaps you should lock Mark to a Chastity belt.
Take a look at this:

[UNGODLY LINK REMOVED]

There are many types, I'm sure, you can find a right one.


Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-12-2011, 08:51 AM

Like James Hutchins mentioned using force might do the trick. Here in the bush we use two large rocks to do the trick. Have the masturbator sit down with his pants on his ankles on a chair of which the seat has been removed. Now sit down behind him (don't stare at things you don't want to see) and smash the two rocks hard against eachother thus crushing the patients private parts. It's absolutely painless. As long as you keep your thumbs on the correct side of the rocks...

Rev. Friday Obobo


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The revenger of blood himself shall slay the murderer: when he meeteth him, he shall slay him.

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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-13-2011, 03:28 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Friday Obobo View Post
Like James Hutchins mentioned using force might do the trick. Here in the bush we use two large rocks to do the trick. Have the masturbator sit down with his pants on his ankles on a chair of which the seat has been removed. Now sit down behind him (don't stare at things you don't want to see) and smash the two rocks hard against eachother thus crushing the patients private parts. It's absolutely painless. As long as you keep your thumbs on the correct side of the rocks...

Rev. Friday Obobo
I had no idea your tribe had learned how to use tools. Amazing.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Nobar King Nobar King is offline
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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-13-2011, 05:13 AM

Obviously this problem is entirely the wife's fault. Where was she all this time when "Mark" was busy masturbating? Doesn't she know how to keep her man happy? She's the one who needs counseling to get over her own problems and stop being so frigid.

Wonder why a married man would be afraid to ask his wife for sexual satisfaction? Oprah Winfrey is to blame for that. For 25 years she has been leading generations of women to believe that they are better than their men and don't need to do anything to keep them happy.

Tell 'Mark' not to sign the divorce papers and to man up and make his wife treat him the way he needs. That is what I would do if I was married.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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HiMyNameIsArron HiMyNameIsArron is offline
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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-13-2011, 05:22 PM

You don't need a drug. It's called self-control. Don't touch your piffleing dick, retards.
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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-13-2011, 07:25 PM

Wash,

You friend Mark is a sad and common one. It's cased by demonic infestation of Mark's neathers, probably brought on by watching to many videos of that she harlot Micheal Obama dancing. Mark needs to get some JESUS inside of him and let THE LORD drive those demons out of Mark's bowels. Only the act of hot and sweaty Savior on Sinner SALVATION can save Mark.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Default Re: Is there a drug that cures masturbation? - 07-13-2011, 11:00 PM

There IS a cure. It's called an oven. If you catch your child masturbating, simply turn on the oven to the highest setting, and place said child's hand in said oven, while yelling "This is what Hell feels like, you little freak! That's where your kind go! Masturbators, fornicators, perverts like you all burn in the firey sulfur of Hell! Your bones crack in the heat! Your eyes melt in the sockets! Your skin burns off your bones! And you scream and scream and scream and scream for all eternity! Is it really worth it? Huh?!!"

You'll find this tried and tested method works a treat! Praise Jesus!
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