[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Originally Posted by Isabella White

Dear Mr. Chubbs: I realize that this is between you and Sister Joanna, but I do feel that I must inform you that our beloved Sister Joanna is one of our more benevolent members. It appears that you have misunderstood her kind generosity, and I do hope that you can find it within your heart to apologize to Sister Joanna for your most unkind accusation. And I should mention that your statement, "your team lost the match" is not received in the spirit of kindness; however, I do wish you a most pleasant day.
Sincerely, Isabella W.

I appreciate Sister Joanna's efforts to translate the Bible to me in easy words. "your team lost the match", I am sorry I didn't mean malice in that statement.


All I meant was that English people do not celebrate the fourth of July so there's no point in wishing them that day.


Ma'am, I would like to mention that I have lived in rain-bitten England. So long till the crumpets started blackening my teeth and I never really got used to so much tea. I mean they have tea in the morning, afternoon, evening, night and before bedtime. Then they play cricket and rugby. Then they have some more tea. It's crazy but true.


I have nothing but heartfelt warmth for our long distant colonial cousins.


But why should I speak Chaucer's language to butter them up?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Chubbs

Thank you brother Wienstein I appreciate the kind words.

Speaking of Jews, I haven't filed my IRS returns in a while as I was overseas. You see I wasn't technically earning anything. Does the Bitcoin income count?

I'm kinda broke but will pay your lawyer fees as long as you can get me a tax-free moratorium or something.

YIC (I'm trying)
Chubbs

I see a problem here. Your grasp of God's Word is minimal. You seem to have multiple problems and no funds.

Landover requires tithing members, not half-assed basket cases.

I was about to write, "You remember Paul's words to Timothy in 1Tim:5 about supporting widows?" then I remembered that you probably don't recall what happened a few hours ago. The basics are that you have lived an exemplary life, been a member of the Church, and have, through no fault of your own, fallen on hard times. Then, and only then, the Church may offer help at a minimal level. To do more would be to defy God's Commands.

I suggest that you find some sucker to bankroll you for a while. You may consider getting yourself to some outfit that calls itself a church but is little more than a social club for the superstitious and ignorant who, like you, are devoid of imagination to solve their own problems and lack all spirit to attempt suggested solutions.

Once you have amassed a good sum of money, and a basic understanding of Jesus, return and put your case coherently and sincerely. There are good people here who have a direct line to God and can lead you to Salvation in this World and the Next.

In the meantime, I have received complaints form several members that you brutal frankness is offensive: you speak with Jesus about your congenital vileness - he is the CEO and will advise you. We will then be in a position to help in accordance with His Wishes.

As salacious as your story is, at the moment it is not a story that can fall within the principles upon which Landover is founded.

I have personally ordered 8 shunnings this year - the paperwork alone is enough to try the patience of a saint - I don't want to have to do it again.


YIC
E Bathfire (Pastor)

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Isabella White

Dear Mr. Chubbs: I realize that this is between you and Sister Joanna, but I do feel that I must inform you that our beloved Sister Joanna is one of our more benevolent members. It appears that you have misunderstood her kind generosity, and I do hope that you can find it within your heart to apologize to Sister Joanna for your most unkind accusation. And I should mention that your statement, "your team lost the match" is not received in the spirit of kindness; however, I do wish you a most pleasant day.

Oh Sister, thank you, but I think this young person is laboring under the misapprehension that where people currently reside = their nationality/loyalty. I am blessed by this ignorant persecution: Matthew 5:10.

Originally Posted by Chubbs

Seeing that you live in Jolly Old there's no point in wishing you a July the fourth. Well your team lost the match on that day in the 17th century.

1776 was in the 18th century. You seem to have a general problem with the concept of centuries though, don't you?

Originally Posted by Chubbs

Not really a church anymore it's become a notorious tourist trap, I got me a beautiful French hat right near where the pews are. Back in the 17th century (1775~1790 era) <nope, that's the 18th century>, they had a Revolution too just like we did in America. So they did away with most forms of Christianity by the 18th century (around 1850 or something) <and that would be the 19th century>.

Were you educated in England? If so then I will concede that your ignorance is not necessarily your fault.

Speaking of teams winning the match, though, the USA women's soccerball team beat the Godless English last night - and how we cheered and hollered, along with our fellow-Americans, every time the English were penalized! And how the English losers whined, saying it was unsporting behavior.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

Oh Sister, thank you, but I think this young person is laboring under the misapprehension that where people currently reside = their nationality/loyalty. I am blessed by this ignorant persecution: Matthew 5:10.

My bad! But you did sound like

Lady Spen-s

uh

. Honest mistake.

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

Speaking of teams winning the match, though, the USA women's soccerball team beat the Godless English last night - and how we cheered and hollered, along with our fellow-Americans, every time the English were penalized! And how the English losers whined, saying it was unsporting behavior.

Thankfully I never got used to soccerball either, consider it worse than tea.


Why would I want to watch women play soccer? I'd rather watch the paint dry.


I don't mind the Wimbledon though, including the women's events.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

I see a problem here. Your grasp of God's Word is minimal. You seem to have multiple problems and no funds.

I have a trust fund that supports my meager YouTube income. I also deal in crypto-currency. Believe me that's gonna hit the jackpot very soon, people are minting ethereum and I am going to be an early investor in Facebook's new cryptocurrency.


I am broke in the sense that I don't have a regular job because I don't like to work for others. Enterpreneur maybe?

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

Landover requires tithing members, not half-assed basket cases.

Oh so it's a paid club. You should have told me before. I get it. I know a lot of churches are sponsored by their members but if you consider enrolling me, I'll make my fair donation. No trouble at all. Do you accept Bitcoins?

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

In the meantime, I have received complaints form several members that you brutal frankness is offensive: you speak with Jesus about your congenital vileness - he is the CEO and will advise you. We will then be in a position to help in accordance with His Wishes

You're supposed to provide spiritual solutions as a pastor. However, I respect your freedom of choice.


I do realize it is a very disgusting condition and many people, pastor or not, wouldn't be very comfortable discussing it.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

I would like to say thank you to Team Landover for helping me with my original mission.

You see I did not touch my junk for the past 24 hours that I have been chatting with you. That's nothing short of a miracle.


Another 48 hours and I will have been cured of this disgusting condition.


I have gone to great lengths to stop this disgusting habit. I'm not stepping outdoors so that I don't run into any new women. My iPhone's been shut all this while. When it comes to curing myself of this succubus, I mean it seriously.


I can't even go to other parts of the Internet which are filled with pornography.


Believe me, I am having a conversation with Jesus Christ. He is what guided me to your Godly forums.


Yic,
Chubbs

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Chubbs

I'd rather watch the paint dry.

I don't mind the Wimbledon though...

Just out of curiosity, what is your native language? Because it very obviously isn't American.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

Just out of curiosity, what is your native language? Because it very obviously isn't American.

What is American? You mean American English? Of course, I am a native speaker. I don't even see where's the confusion here.

Do you speak Brooklyn? American makes as much sense as Brooklyn if you want to count it as an independent language.

[BrotherLarry]

Mr. Chubby:


I will thank you to mind your tone when talking to a True Christian™ woman on this forum. While they are ignorant like most women, they are not AS ignorant as someone who hasn't been saved by the Blood of Jesus. Therefore, they deserve our respect and reverence. I'll have you know I'm well built and not afraid to defend our womenfolk.


We have all treated you with kindness and love. It's time for you to show the same level of respect that you've been shown. And what person doesn't know about the American language? Someone born in a foreign land, mostly. But many countries have a command of American because they know how important it is to speak God's language.


There is thin ice beneath your feet, and falling through that ice sends you to the pits of Hell for aye and aye. I am praying that you develop a contrite spirit - one that allows you to beg forgiveness of our LORD GOD and the brethren here. Won't you?


In sincere friendship,
BrotherLarry

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry

Mr. Chubby:


I will thank you to mind your tone when talking to a True Christian™ woman on this forum. While they are ignorant like most women, they are not AS ignorant as someone who hasn't been saved by the Blood of Jesus. Therefore, they deserve our respect and reverence.

I have shown nothing but respect here to everyone including this Englishwoman, Joanna. I just said it'd be meaningless to sned her Happy fourth of July wishes. Wouldn't she rather appreciate something else, like a basket of gourmet teas and crumpets?


Can you Point out where I used the word "ignorant" to describe her or anyone else.

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry

I'll have you know I'm well built and not afraid to defend our womenfolk.

You Sir, have challenged me to an old-fashioned pugilistic encounter. In simpler words, a duel. Seeing that you're from within driving distance, I am pleased to inform you that I accept the challenge. Time and venue?


I must warn you in advance though. From the moment I stopped touching my junk I have noticed a renewed confidence inside me. Every cell of my body is bouncing and beaming at the prospect of shattering your rib cage. So you better get your karate chops in order, pal.


Unless you back off which I am sure you will. This is a new me and you will have a competent adversary.

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry

There is thin ice beneath your feet, and falling through that ice sends you to the pits of Hell for aye and aye. I am praying that you develop a contrite spirit - one that allows you to beg forgiveness of our LORD GOD and the brethren here. Won't you?

I did say that I'm on the side of Christianity.




YIC
Chubbs

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Originally Posted by Chubbs

I have shown nothing but respect here to everyone including this Englishwoman, Joanna.

I have corrected you once about that. I am not, and never have been, English. You are being deliberately offensive and wilfully vexatious.


Fortunately our pastors have provided us with a shun button, which I shall now use. Goodbye.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

I have corrected you once about that. I am not, and never have been, English. You are being deliberately offensive and wilfully vexatious.


Fortunately our pastors have provided us with a shun button, which I shall now use. Goodbye.

Honest mistake, you shouldn't expect me to remember everything. You can't do it, either.


Why are you shunning me? Now who will translate the Bible verses for me?


Have a Happy 4th of July. Now we're good, my fellow je suis américaine.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Can I have one of those fancy true christian badges please? I am willing to accept Jesus Christ as my savior.

I haven't touched my ***a colloquial word referring to the male copulatory organ spelled as "dick" removed by moderator*** for the last 48 hours. Surely that should earn me points with Jesus. Oh, the Bible verses.


1 Corinthians 10:13 - There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.


I not fully sure what it means but maybe, it can be applied to my situation. Whenever I feel the uncontrollable urge to beat the monkey, Jesus will help me find an escape.

[Faith_Machine]

My friend, Christianity is not a drug you experiment with. Christ is knocking on your door with a nail-pierced hand.

Will you let Him in?

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

My friend, Christianity is not a drug you experiment with. Christ is knocking on your door with a nail-pierced hand.

Will you let Him in?

I will. Please know I'm in deep excruciating pain.


I want to be high on Jesus.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Chubbs I'm not leaving you alone, you faithless gutterpunk. May the maggots devour your corpse and the sulfur burn what remains. I curse ye that Satan sweep away your soul to Hell. In all your goings ye be cursed. May your blessings turn into suffering. I hate you with every ounce of evil in my body. But I need you inside of me right now. You satisfy me as I enthrall you. I am hungry so don't be foolish. There is blood on your face as in my hands. I curse your family and everything you hold dear.

So you want to cast me aside? Remember I stood by you through thick and thin. I care not for your bastardy yet I will seek my vengeance if I am wronged. Face my wrath, you shall know the pain. I come from Hell, and to Hell you must go. If God hates you so do I. Your soul is of the Devil, O wicked one. Leave these stupid christians alone. They will shun you, only I will embrace.

Yours forever and truly,
A-----------A,
a humble slave of
DCLXVI




YOU'RE DEAD.

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Chubbs

I.….deal in crypto-currency.….I am broke

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by Chubbs

Chubbs I'm not leaving you alone, you faithless gutterpunk. May the maggots devour your corpse and the sulfur burn what remains. I curse ye that Satan sweep away your soul to Hell. In all your goings ye be cursed. May your blessings turn into suffering. I hate you with every ounce of evil in my body. But I need you inside of me right now. You satisfy me as I enthrall you. I am hungry so don't be foolish. There is blood on your face as in my hands. I curse your family and everything you hold dear.

So you want to cast me aside? Remember I stood by you through thick and thin. I care not for your bastardy yet I will seek my vengeance if I am wronged. Face my wrath, you shall know the pain. I come from Hell, and to Hell you must go. If God hates you so do I. Your soul is of the Devil, O wicked one. Leave these stupid christians alone. They will shun you, only I will embrace.

Yours forever and truly,
A-----------A,
a humble slave of
DCLXVI

YOU'RE DEAD.

Dear Mr. Silly Chubbs: Oh, come now ... aren't you being rather overly-dramatic, in a rather amateurish manner? I suppose you think that we should believe that a demon possessed you and made you write that nonsense. I should warn you once again, that has been bought and washed by the of the , the . The gates of may burst with demons coming this way and that, but they will not succeed in infiltrating this, the most Sacred and Holy site of Almighty.

Now, as our much-beloved Brother Larry has warned you, you are on thin ice. And our blessed has given us a way of dealing with people like you:

I Corinthians 5:11-13:
11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?
13 But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

Think on, young Mr. Chubbs, and take some responsibility for your foolish actions before the takes action!

Sincerely, Isabella W.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Originally Posted by Isabella White

Dear Mr. Silly Chubbs: Oh, come now ... aren't you being rather overly-dramatic, in a rather amateurish manner? I suppose you think that we should believe that a demon possessed you and made you write that nonsense.

Ma'am, I swear on my dead mother it wasn't me. This demon is quite real. He/she grabbed me rather roughly by the hair and almost flung me out of the window.


As you can see, I even started quoting from the Bible in a few previous posts.


I might be lacking in faith. That gives the enemy an unfair advantage.


These demons are very resilient, and can even survive an exorcism.


This isn't the first time but I sure hope this is the last I am seeing of Beelzebub's minions. You have no idea how scared I am.

[Chubsy-Wubsy]

Why don't I get one of the true christian badges? I deserve it more than anyone else.

Please moderators gimme that badge. I am a perfect Christian all right, that badge is gonna scare the demons away.


i LOVE fancy badges like these.


YIC,
Chubbs