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Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

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Default Love a Lezbean for the LORD - 07-12-2019, 02:12 AM

Much of my ministry is devoted to the fabulous men of our world, because after all, what's a woman worth, anyway? But we must consider the bigger picture: a lezbean who has given up her sinful ways for the LORD's work is a lezbean who will bear soldiers for Christ's army come the Glory. So: I'm making July Love a Lezbean for the LORD month. For the next several weeks, reformed lezbeans will be traveling nationwide to hold special services called "Scissors Sharp for Salvation."


They may be coming to your town! Glory! But an undertaking like this requires prayer, effort, dedication, and most of all, your cold hard cash. I am personally collecting the funds. Won't you send your minimum donation of $2000 today? (There's a reason for that amount) When Heaven's gates swing open wide, just think of the pride you'll feel when thousands of dykes - um, ex-dykes - greet your with a holy kiss. It makes me shudder.


What lezbean will YOU love today? It's ok to name names.


Brother Lukes: Our group will definitely need rooms in Podunk in a week or so. We'll need to same level of service that the Ex-Gay group received. Deposit will be sent shortly. It will come from Tank McGraw, our ex-lezbean treasurer/truck driver.


PRAISE GOD!


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Talking Re: Love a Lezbean for the LORD - 07-12-2019, 03:10 AM

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Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Brother Lukes: Our group will definitely need rooms in Podunk in a week or so. We'll need to same level of service that the Ex-Gay group received. Deposit will be sent shortly. It will come from Tank McGraw, our ex-lezbean treasurer/truck driver.


PRAISE GOD!
Say no more. Brother Larry, I've done an extensive amount of research on lesbian activity over the Internet for the past few years. The ways in which they use their mouths and fingers, all in direct violation of Romans 1:26, of course, are truly horrifying.


The Blood of Christ Motel is at their service. Ex-lipstick lesbians only, please; the diesel dykes may be too far gone spiritually. And before anyone asks, the eye-sized holes in the showers are for ventilation.


Also, if they regress into their vile sapphic ways, please ask them to refrain from coming on to my beaner maids. They REALLY don't like to be spanked, or groped, or forcibly kissed.


"No room for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7)?
Not if they'd come to the Blood of Christ Motel!
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Jesus Re: Love a Lezbean for the LORD - 07-13-2019, 12:54 PM

Brother Dennis

As always, your hospitality is exemplary and surely pleasing to the Lord. All but one of the Nebraska group are lipstick Lezbeans. The butch one is needed to carry heavy suitcases and for added security. I mentioned the ventilation holes and there was no objection.

There is an ex-lezbean ritual I must warn about called the nude baby oil races in which the women cover themselves with baby oil and race to the woods where they frolic with one another and express gratitude for salvation by caressing the winner. They will need an impartial judge to determine who got to the woods first and I hope you can think of someone who will help. This is a daily thing and is great fun for them.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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