Focus on Family - Christian Parenting A place where parents can get good Godly advice on how to raise a family: how to properly administer corporal punishment, which movies to avoid, and more! |
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 217
Join Date: Aug 2010
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-03-2010, 01:21 PM
Daughters are worthless? You're the first person to officially enter my 'absolute piece of shit' list. Why did Jesus give kindly instructions to women? Why did he speak kindly to the Samaritan woman at the well and not slap her? Why did he give over the care of his mother to his beloved disciple on the cross, if he did not care for women? Why do we never ever hear of Jesus or any of the disciples beating a woman, in ALL of the New Testament? Why does Jesus SAVE an adulterous woman from stoning, when you encourage BEATING her to have a son? Why do you follow the Old Testament when the True Light is found in the New Testament, and Jesus obviously did away with and improved on the laws in the Old Testament, for instance, he promoted forgiveness and repentance instead of execution by stoning to the adulterous woman?
I think you are everything Jesus tried to put an end to, maybe not entirely, but a goodly portion along the way. The way others here hanker to your words tells me you have brainwashed them with your presence, and allowed that to overshadow the words of the New Testament.
What sort of Judgment will you have at the hands of Jesus? If you tremble now, it won't be good. But, I'm sure you don't.
Take care, be well,
sas
|
#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
|
|
Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-03-2010, 01:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by self_aware_sinner
Daughters are worthless? You're the first person to officially enter my 'absolute piece of shit' list. Why did Jesus give kindly instructions to women? Why did he speak kindly to the Samaritan woman at the well and not slap her? Why did he give over the care of his mother to his beloved disciple on the cross, if he did not care for women? Why do we never ever hear of Jesus or any of the disciples beating a woman, in ALL of the New Testament? Why does Jesus SAVE an adulterous woman from stoning, when you encourage BEATING her to have a son? Why do you follow the Old Testament when the True Light is found in the New Testament, and Jesus obviously did away with and improved on the laws in the Old Testament, for instance, he promoted forgiveness and repentance instead of execution by stoning to the adulterous woman?
I think you are everything Jesus tried to put an end to, maybe not entirely, but a goodly portion along the way. The way others here hanker to your words tells me you have brainwashed them with your presence, and allowed that to overshadow the words of the New Testament.
What sort of Judgment will you have at the hands of Jesus? If you tremble now, it won't be good. But, I'm sure you don't.
Take care, be well,
sas
|
Lets just cut through the carp that you posted and get to the real problem. You seem to be missing the big picture, the Bible has two parts the Old and New testament. We just love you fluffy bunny Christians, you think the Bible is like a giant cafeteria where you can pick and choose what you want to follow. Oh I will just have desert today, no meat and potatoes for me. Jesus did not come here to scrap His fathers work, He came to inforce it!
Behold the wors from Jesus.
Matthew 5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
Matthew 5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.
Matthew 5:19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
Now go sit yourself down in a corner and repent!
|
|
Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
|
|
Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-03-2010, 09:23 PM
Couple of points.
Should sex be fun?
The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
Quote:
8. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.
|
I'll take that as a yes then God.
Subordination of women
Ponderance of thy Balls
Quote:
For we shall praise thee in all our Might Oh Great Lord/Lordette that your sexless form shall provide inspiration and equality to Pastafarians across the land. For subordination of women and separation of roles is an abomination in your eye stalks.
|
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 31
Join Date: Aug 2010
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-08-2010, 06:45 PM
Hey sounds like the pastafari has answers for anything.. cool
So, dear cranky old man... Your wise wise words made me realising how far i went wrong in my beliefs in my whole life....
Once upon a time a french boy thinking about a carefree lifestyle and he has putted his eyes on a sain't words.... and he saw the truth...
He will act as a true man, loving caring and protecting his (incase) wife and children without any use of violenec, without anything he saw in this arcticle...
Because dear wise man... let me say a true man, a righteous person will never use violence for his means. Violence and intolerance are the brand of the weaks. I never consider a man beating his wife as strong, so then if she is pregnant this is the most despicable proof of a low being; All these words show hatred, frustration towards a failed life and most of all, the total absence of nobleness and greatness and don't hide behind words and verses! Don't dare because even facing your so called damnation i wont even change a word and belief...
|
Fourm Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 9,264
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-08-2010, 07:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by margenal
Hey sounds like the pastafari has answers for anything.. cool
So, dear cranky old man... Your wise wise words made me realising how far i went wrong in my beliefs in my whole life....
Once upon a time a french boy thinking about a carefree lifestyle and he has putted his eyes on a sain't words.... and he saw the truth...
He will act as a true man, loving caring and protecting his (incase) wife and children without any use of violenec, without anything he saw in this arcticle...
Because dear wise man... let me say a true man, a righteous person will never use violence for his means. Violence and intolerance are the brand of the weaks. I never consider a man beating his wife as strong, so then if she is pregnant this is the most despicable proof of a low being; All these words show hatred, frustration towards a failed life and most of all, the total absence of nobleness and greatness and don't hide behind words and verses! Don't dare because even facing your so called damnation i wont even change a word and belief...
|
As John Wayne once said, when words quit working it's time to raise a hand.
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 10
Join Date: Aug 2010
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-12-2010, 12:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by twocalmcows
Before I rant: you people are wonderful and made my day! I laugh so hard at everyone of your twisted posts. Don't ever stop!!
First of all, I think you're a pedophile. Like for real. You are one creepy mother piffleer! And second you don't beat a pregnant woman with a stick, Maybe your mom did and that's why you came out so wacked. And third (even though there is so much to complain about) there is nothing wrong with a girl child being your first child. (Ill be back after I finish reading this article)
|
Oh god finally someone who has some common sense on here!!! Hahaha I was thinking exactly what you wrote word for word! I also think this guys a pedophile! Hahahahahahaha these people crack me up
|
|
Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
True Christian™
|
|
Posts: 5,070
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Walking on the Lord's path
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-12-2010, 12:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by J1mM0rris0nRULEZ
Oh god finally someone who has some common sense on here!!! Hahaha I was thinking exactly what you wrote word for word! I also think this guys a pedophile! Hahahahahahaha these people crack me up
|
Your an expert in pedophile's. Is this because you are one.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.
|
|
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-12-2010, 05:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Felicity
@ Cranky Old Man You are so nice for sharing your wisdom with everyone! I wonder what nice husband my father is going to select for me when I turn 18.
|
Felicity, the age of consent in many states, including Iowa, is 16.
Why wait?
Quote:
Originally Posted by twocowclams
And also don't leave town while your wife is giving birth! It hurts a lot so I hear and Im sure shed want someone to be there with her even if they are some creepy religiously confused freak.
|
Next you'll be saying it's not a good idea to hire a nanny, either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by J1mM0rris0nDR00LZ
Oh god finally someone who has some common sense on here!!! Hahaha I was thinking exactly what you wrote word for word! I also think this guys a pedophile! Hahahahahahaha these people crack me up
|
Do you even know what pedophile means?
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 41
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Reading my King james bible
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-25-2010, 02:54 PM
I really want to thank you for this guide.
Now I can finaly try to make a child. I thought that just praying and hitting my wife was enough.
|
|
Forum Member
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 132
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Oak Ridge, TN
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-25-2010, 08:39 PM
Thank you for making this guide. I thought that babies were delivered by angels but it seems I was told wrong....
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 4
Join Date: Aug 2010
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-29-2010, 01:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
You could not be more wrong. Sex is not supposed to be fun. It is something horrible we unfortunately have to endure to make children.
Sex being fun is an invention of satan to change women into whores and to lure both those women and the men they seduce into eternal damnation into the fires of hell.
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
"A lifetime of wisdom freely given to all."
Getting rid of ugly girls (age 18-)
Provided you didn't solve the problem sooner, perhaps the girl didn't seem that ugly when she was younger or you just never paid any attention to her, there is an easy strategy to get rid of an ugly girl. Get her raped! Just let her watch 5 minutes of Disney television so she figures our how to dress like a whore. Then when she is dressed like a whore, just drop her at the nearest bar when it is very late and everyone is drunk and then wait until she gets raped. Depending on how ugly she is this might take several tries. After that, as explained in Deuteronomy 22:28-29, she will have to marry her rapist after which she will be her husband's problem. You will even get a nice sum of money for this. If she refuses to marry her rapist, just read Brother Percy's What can you do if your daughter refuses to marry her rapist. If the rapists refuses to marry her once he sobers up, just getting him drunk again and a trip to Las Vegas should be an easy fix.
[/COLOR]
|
Luring your daughter into being a whore?
isnt that what satan does, as you said?
|
|
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
|
|
Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-29-2010, 04:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by radulova
Luring your daughter into being a whore? isnt that what satan does, as you said?
|
You do not seem to know what a whore is. Getting your daughter to marry a man has nothing to do with it.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 4
Join Date: Aug 2010
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-30-2010, 12:42 PM
Yes, but it seems like you are encouraging people to let their daughters act like whores for some period of time inorder to get them married.
Sounds to me like its an act that satan would promote?
|
|
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
|
|
Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-30-2010, 01:29 PM
Dear Radish;
Please make a thread of your own in the " Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.
And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 4
Join Date: Aug 2010
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-30-2010, 05:07 PM
i am sorry if i have insulted anyone, that was not my intention.
I just discovered this site a couple of days ago and have been reading some threads. Ive especially read some of cranky old mans posts and found them to be intresting.
But i just had some trouble understanding the 2 specific parts i wrote about above, and just wanted him to explain, or make it clear how his suggestion wasnt the same as encouraging people to dress/act like whores.
I hope you understand that i am just curious and dont want to insult anyone.
|
|
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
|
|
Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-30-2010, 11:24 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by radulova
Yes, but it seems like you are encouraging people to let their daughters act like whores for some period of time inorder to get them married.
|
Well, first of all one would only do this with a very ugly daughter. So usually this will not be needed. But if the daughter is very ugly you will have to take some serious action. And I assure you my approach is 100% Biblically sound. It might not be politically correct, but I could not care less about that. All that matters is God.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
|
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
|
|
Posts: 4
Join Date: Aug 2010
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
08-31-2010, 10:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
Well, first of all one would only do this with a very ugly daughter.
|
ok, so if ive got this right (correct me if im wrong) it is ok to go astray if you have no other option, and promote what for some might think of being a satanic act?
Can this be applied to other situations? if yes, then who is it that decides what satanic actions are ok, and in what circumstances?
|
|
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
|
|
Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
09-04-2010, 12:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by radulova
Can this be applied to other situations? if yes, then who is it that decides what satanic actions are ok, and in what circumstances?
|
God does. But His Holy Bible contains very clear guidelines on these things.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
|
|
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
|
|
Posts: 4
Join Date: Sep 2010
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
09-13-2010, 06:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man
Step #3: Have SEX!
This is the tricky part. Sex is an awful activity that has to be practiced exactly once for every child you want to make. It's a horrible despicable act that unfortunately has to be done to make the child. Details on sex can be found in Genesis 29:30 (about going into the women) and Leviticus 15:32 (about the seed you have to plant). Make sure you have sex at the proper moment during her "cycle". Don't even bother figuring out how that works, just ask your wife as she will know about this. Unfortunately, she is probably going to tell you about it even if you don't ask about it.
|
This is the only part I like, and it isn't awful.
But you can't mean this serious, this is one big joke!
|
|
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
|
|
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
|
|
Re: Cranky Old Man's Easy 8 Step Guide to MAKING CHILDREN! -
09-13-2010, 07:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jurre_666
This is the only part I like, and it isn't awful.
But you can't mean this serious, this is one big joke!
|
Making Christian Soldiers for the Lord is no joke, son. It's very serious business!
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved
|