[JennyD]

Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters

When Jesus drop-kicks you into the lake of fire, you'll fervently wish you could be reincarnated as anything at all, even Paris Hilton.

Anything but that, Pastor!

That's just wrong.

[SUV]

My GOD, now she is claiming to be Married to Landover Baptist's very own girlie-Man, Darren Ingram-Myers! This is BIGAMY!

What next, Jesus - what next?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters

God is not bound by our human notions of time. God was perfectly capable of knowing from all eternity the sins that each one of us would commit, and those sins drove Him to commit temporary suicide. It's high time you took that a little more seriously, missy.


Temporary suicide? How exactly does noe take such a ridiculous concept as temporary suicide seriously?


When Jesus drop-kicks you into the lake of fire, you'll fervently wish you could be reincarnated as anything at all, even Paris Hilton.

If I had to choose between hell and being reincarnated as Paris Hilton, I'd PREFER hell. Didn't she recently purchase TC status with a massive "love offering?" Or did the check bounce?

[Old Iron Crotch]

Originally Posted by SUV

My GOD, now she is claiming to be Married to Landover Baptist's very own girlie-Man, Darren Ingram-Myers! This is BIGAMY!

What next, Jesus - what next?

No, I'm not married to anyone from LBC.

[AubreyO'Connel]

Originally Posted by Bob4God

Brothers in Christ, I need your prayers and guidance in an important decision. I'm posting this here to keep it away from the innocent eyes of the weaker sex.

I took my Youth Group boys to the woods this weekend for camping and Bible study, and I made a most disturbing discovery!

It seems that a handful of them decided to sneak off and go skinny dipping in the lake. When I heard laughing and splashing coming from that direction, I went to investigate.

I watched stunned from behind a large tree as I saw a small group of naked teenage boys playing in the water. I watched for several minutes as I prayed fervantly for GOD to give me the words to rebuke them.

Then, as if I weren't already shocked enough, I noticed that something was wrong with one of the boys. His tallywacker wasn't circumcised!

Finally, I stepped out from the woods and ordered them to get out of the water and get their clothes back on. I watched carefully to make sure each of them covered his wet dripping body and didn't go back into the water. Then I sent them back to their cabins.

I didn't say anything more about what I saw, but Genesis 17:10 clearly states, "Every man and child among you shall be circumcised."

Does this apply only to those silly Jews or does it apply to normal people as well? I know that the LORD has a general distaste for the foreskin.

The boy in question is of some kind of so-called native American descent, so I can only assume he was raised in some kind of barbaric tribe somewhere, thus explaining why they didn't strap him down and cut it off when he was born, as was done to our precious Savior.

Should I rebuke him and his parents? Should I print off Landover's do-it-yourself circumcision instructions?

I've been thinking that the best approach is to simply kick him out of the Youth Group. I never trusted injuns that much anyway. I'm sure it was his idea to go naked swimming in the first place.

YOU SICK piffleIN PERV CUNT

[tLakota]

Originally Posted by Lumpy

Whoever your wife is, it's not me.

My husband and I maintain the separate accounts we had before we married - we have never had joint accounts. My car is in my name, his car is in his name. I don't use his last name.
Neither of us ever had any family fortune - we married for love, not wealth.
Our house is in my name, since I bought it before we married, it's nowhere near 150 years old and it's brick, not wood.

You obviously are either delusional or experiencing a case of mistaken identity.

You don't keep your husband in a cage either, right? I think he's faking, and I think he's just keeping up the banter in case it might slander you further, Dances. But if he's so pathetic to get stuck in a freakin' cage on his wedding night, he can't be smart enough to know that anonymity on the internet means that he can be talking to anyone. Especially since he said in an earlier post that his wife had no knowledge of this site and he had to sneak to use the computer or she'd beat him.

You were here first, right? So he's either a liar, or a total idiot... Or both... I don't care either way.

I hearby declare this thread officially derailed. The last few posts should have been hashed out in PM's. If a mod can fix this or make it a separate thread that would be great. I don't want to get in trouble for posting in the men's section.

FYI, HWOJ, it wouldn't be smart to break up with your 'wife' over the internet you shouldn't be using. It's just so stupid! Ha! I mean, if you're still in the house, bad mouthing your 'wife' over the internet and telling 'her' that you'll be free and sharing your plans to 'escape' is just sooo retarded.

And why would a servant have a joint bank account with the person that actually spends the money. That's ridiculous and I don't buy it. I hope you don't continue lying if you actually show up at LBC. I doubt they'd tolerate that long. I used to feel sorry for you, but this is just an epic FAIL!

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by AubreyO'Connel

YOU SICK piffleIN PERV cooter

Careful there friend, as The Bible says Judge not lest ye be judged friend. On The Lord can say was is good or wrong.

[Husband without Joy]

I'm going to respond to this in the way my new friend Bobby-Joe has taught me. It's a challenge, but bear with me.

Originally Posted by tLakota

You don't keep your husband in a cage either, right? I think he's faking, and I think he's just keeping up the banter in case it might slander you further, Dances. But if he's so pathetic to get stuck in a freakin' cage on his wedding night, he can't be smart enough to know that anonymity on the internet means that he can be talking to anyone. Especially since he said in an earlier post that his wife had no knowledge of this site and he had to sneak to use the computer or she'd beat him.

Listen up, you . . . you . . . dimwitted Harpy, heh, if you paid attention you'd know that I got onto this site the first time because she left HER computer ON and logged in! And tell me, how "stupid" is it to marry a perfectly lovely woman, who then dopes you up and locks you in a cage? I suppose you'd have the driver of your short bus come get you out, heh?

You were here first, right? So he's either a liar, or a total idiot... Or both... I don't care either way.

I hearby declare this thread officially derailed. The last few posts should have been hashed out in PM's. If a mod can fix this or make it a separate thread that would be great. I don't want to get in trouble for posting in the men's section.

Then maybe you should stop, m-MISSY! You're probably just as much of a . . . a . . . GORGON as SHE is!

FYI, HWOJ, it wouldn't be smart to break up with your 'wife' over the internet you shouldn't be using. It's just so stupid! Ha! I mean, if you're still in the house, bad mouthing your 'wife' over the internet and telling 'her' that you'll be free and sharing your plans to 'escape' is just sooo retarded.

Did you miss that I clearly said Bobby-Joe had arrived with the oxy-acetylene torch to cut me out of the cage? Or are you just a . . . what's the word? A RETARDED?

And why would a servant have a joint bank account with the person that actually spends the money. That's ridiculous and I don't buy it. I hope you don't continue lying if you actually show up at LBC. I doubt they'd tolerate that long. I used to feel sorry for you, but this is just an epic FAIL!

Wow, you really are incredibly stupid. Did you remember to wear your crash helmet this week?

(Should I really say that? OK, Bobby-Joe.)

The accounts contain MY family fortune. SHE married me and murdered my family for it by poisoning everyone at our wedding reception, then locked me up and began spending my money! There is no "servant" involved here.

I'll be arriving in Landover later tonight. I look forward to meeting you, and washing your smarmy little mouth out with soap, heh!

[tLakota]

Originally Posted by Husband without Joy

I'm going to respond to this in the way my new friend Bobby-Joe has taught me. It's a challenge, but bear with me.


Listen up, you . . . you . . . dimwitted Harpy, heh, if you paid attention you'd know that I got onto this site the first time because she left HER computer ON and logged in! And tell me, how "stupid" is it to marry a perfectly lovely woman, who then dopes you up and locks you in a cage? I suppose you'd have the driver of your short bus come get you out, heh?

Like I said epic fail. You were locked in a damn cage. If you dated her for long enough and had everything in the open, the idea of her locking you up would have surfaced somewhere. You would have at least seen that she ordered a damn cage and didn't have any animals in it.

Then maybe you should stop, m-MISSY! You're probably just as much of a . . . a . . . GORGON as SHE is!

Did you miss that I clearly said Bobby-Joe had arrived with the oxy-acetylene torch to cut me out of the cage? Or are you just a . . . what's the word? A RETARDED?

I may have misread 'had arrived' but I'm not retarded. Not retarded enough to let someone lock me in a cage and then grow too weak and meek to fight when they let me out the first time(like you). Dumb ass.

Wow, you really are incredibly stupid. Did you remember to wear your crash helmet this week?

You're new at this so I'll let you pass on this one. It's enough to be offensive, but not enough to really piss me off and make me want to kick your ass. Might want to work on that.

(Should I really say that? OK, Bobby-Joe.) Keep working on him, Bobby. Maybe he'll one day become as outstanding as you guys.

The accounts contain MY family fortune. SHE married me and murdered my family for it by poisoning everyone at our wedding reception, then locked me up and began spending my money! There is no "servant" involved here.

You said yourself that she beat you and treated you like a servant. So when did YOU have time to go shopping with 'your' family fortune? She wouldn't have been stupid enough to keep a joint bank account.

I'll be arriving in Landover later tonight. I look forward to meeting you, and washing your smarmy little mouth out with soap, heh!

HA! You don't have the balls to confront me, you little pussy! I don't even live in Landover, so you couldn't wash my mouth out with soap unless you grew balls overnight and flew to CO to my exact location at the perfect timing, and then overpowered me. I have a 12 gauge shotgun I know how to use by the way. I also have giant club with screws sticking out of it that I made by taking a leg off a sturdy sewing table. (Ladies can never me too careful after all. I keep it by my bed just in case, so far haven't needed to use it.) Ha! Smarmy?! My language may not be polite when I doubt people, but you can't even left heavy things! Making you a pussy. Meow. Talk to me when you grow balls, some muscle, and a full head of hair, jackass.

I'll gladly take rebuke from the fine Christian men here because I know my place. But you've lived with a witch for years and said you haven't been allowed a bible. Do you even know scripture? What do you know about anything since you've been stuck in a damn cage like a dog and made to serve someone that hates your guts?

Also, you're still wrong, because in no way did you prove that Dances is your wife, or explain the fact that Dances was here first and yet you accused her of being your wretched wife. Your turn.

Up yours,
tLakota

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by tLakota

HA! You don't have the balls to confront me, you little pussy! I don't even live in Landover, so you couldn't wash my mouth out with soap unless you grew balls overnight and flew to CO to my exact location at the perfect timing, and then overpowered me. I have a 12 gauge shotgun I know how to use by the way. I also have giant club with screws sticking out of it that I made by taking a leg off a sturdy sewing table. (Ladies can never me too careful after all. I keep it by my bed just in case, so far haven't needed to use it.) Ha! Smarmy?! My language may not be polite when I doubt people, but you can't even left heavy things! Making you a pussy. Meow. Talk to me when you grow balls, some muscle, and a full head of hair, jackass.

I'll gladly take rebuke from the fine Christian men here because I know my place. But you've lived with a witch for years and said you haven't been allowed a bible. Do you even know scripture? What do you know about anything since you've been stuck in a damn cage like a dog and made to serve someone that hates your guts?

Also, you're still wrong, because in no way did you prove that Dances is your wife, or explain the fact that Dances was here first and yet you accused her of being your wretched wife. Your turn.

Up yours,
tLakota

Sister! Such language! This is precisely why I've been urging you to find a good Christian Man and get married. With a temper like that, you need discipline guidance with a firm hand.

Just because Lumpy's husband is a pussy, that's no reason to talk like a drunken sailor on shore leave.

[tLakota]

Sorry for the language, but I refuse to be disrespected and demeaned by this man. In fact, for the reasons above, I seriously question his stupid reply and strange situation.

[Shirlee Phelps-Dodge]

Pastors, I apologize for coming into the men's only section. My wonderful acquaintance, Herr Doktor, PMed me to tell me that this young "lady", and I use the term very loosely, needed some of my tender counseling.



First of all, Miss tLakota, just WHAT is a young, single, unescorted woman like yourself doing in the Men's Only section?

Second, what is a young, single, unescorted woman like yourself doing posting in a THREAD ABOUT TALLYWHACKERS?!

Third, WHAT POSSIBLE EXCUSE could you have for spouting off such language at ANY man, like you are some common gutter whore or Democrat?! He DISRESPECTED you? Who do you think you are? Oprah Winfrey?!

Ain't no respecters of persons HERE, Missy! Only opinion matters to us is GOD'S! And if Bobby-Joe, a Senior Pastor here, is helping this here man-type creature, then you'd best believe Bobby-Joe has his damned good reasons!

This vulgar and un-Christian behavior of yours is inexcusable and disgusting. I wonder if you are truly Saved©. Perhaps you are, in fact, "Sister Sticky Buns"! Is that what they call you at the roadhouse, dear?

Never have I been so appalled in my life! If you lived in Freehold, you'd not need to wait for that fellow to grow anything, I'D be the one washing your filthy mouth out with some good ol' fashioned LYE soap, and then spanking you silly with a Godly paddle!

[tLakota]

Originally Posted by Shirlee Phelps-Dodge

Pastors, I apologize for coming into the men's only section. My wonderful acquaintance, Herr Doktor, PMed me to tell me that this young "lady", and I use the term very loosely, needed some of my tender counseling.



First of all, Miss tLakota, just WHAT is a young, single, unescorted woman like yourself doing in the Men's Only section?

Second, what is a young, single, unescorted woman like yourself doing posting in a THREAD ABOUT TALLYWHACKERS?!

Third, WHAT POSSIBLE EXCUSE could you have for spouting off such language at ANY man, like you are some common gutter whore or Democrat?! He DISRESPECTED you? Who do you think you are? Oprah Winfrey?!

Ain't no respecters of persons HERE, Missy! Only opinion matters to us is GOD'S! And if Bobby-Joe, a Senior Pastor here, is helping this here man-type creature, then you'd best believe Bobby-Joe has his damned good reasons!

This vulgar and un-Christian behavior of yours is inexcusable and disgusting. I wonder if you are truly Saved©. Perhaps you are, in fact, "Sister Sticky Buns"! Is that what they call you at the roadhouse, dear?

Never have I been so appalled in my life! If you lived in Freehold, you'd not need to wait for that fellow to grow anything, I'D be the one washing your filthy mouth out with some good ol' fashioned LYE soap, and then spanking you silly with a Godly paddle!

With all due respect, Miss Shirley, you can't be escorted into a forum. I wanted to see what Dances was going to say, and if you look at my posts you'll see that I posted nothing about male private parts. I simply called out HWOJ in his wild accusation that Dances is his wife, and his current predicament that makes him look very, very, very stupid.

You'll also notice that though my language was not ladylike, I did not curse or swear. The name calling started after he decided to call me 'retarded' and threaten to wash my mouth out with soap. The bible says to treat others as you wish to be treated. If he wants to disrespect me he will have no respect of mine until he learns manners.

I have no idea what a roadhouse is, but if you remember the posts I've made, I spend my time at home. I learn, I cook and clean, and I take care of my family the best I can. I'm certainly not out anywhere unless I'm walking the dogs, hanging out with friends, and of course, going to church. I sold cinnamon rolls at church, not sticky buns, at one point a pastor started calling them 'winky rolls' (inside joke) and they sold very well at our youth cafe. You'll also remember that I've made it publicly known that I am a virgin, so you can't insinuate that I've been in sin or 'loose' in any way.

I can say whatever I want to ANY man I choose. But I don't because I RESPECT most, and CHOOSE to be charming. The bible says that the tongue can be sharp and do a lot of damage, life or death. And if he's going to juggle daggers he's got to be ready for them to come back down, or he'll get sliced to pieces. I think most people on this forum, minus the trolls, have at least a little bit of mutual respect for one another. I don't see why it should be otherwise, and so far it's been working fine.

Thank you for expressing your concerns over my behavior, but I haven't sinned and I will continue to live that way. I haven't tasted soap in a long time(my grandma used it when I was younger as discipline), but I don't think such a harsh punishment would be fitting for dissing someone that is STILL classified as unsaved trash.

[Nobar King]

You had better watch your mouth, young lady. Mouthing off is never appropriate. You should know better than that by now. Your duty is to Jesus, not to your 'online persona's ego'. Don't let these guys get to you. Just keep in your heart the love of your Savior and dedicate yourself to honoring HIM, that's all you need to do.

[Bob4God]

Listen here tLakota, and take heed:

"But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth." -Colossians 3:8

"Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." -Colossians 4:6

PRAISE GOD!