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Winning Souls in his Winnebago
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,893
Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-14-2010, 01:36 PM
Does anyone know if I will be able to park my RV In any of the Church Mega-Parking lots? As usual I would be willing to offer a donation above and beyond my normal tithe.
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-14-2010, 02:08 PM
I've just gotten wind of the fact that you guys are planning to have effigies of " Count Chocula" as part of the festivities for the kids. I'd like to warn you off that one. He's a terrifying demon and we don't need Christian kids wetting their pants in the middle of the fun.
Ronald McDonald, Mario and Harry Potter are fine.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-14-2010, 08:59 PM
Remember, ladies, that if you usually carry a few spare stones in your purse (as I do), it's important to alternate which hand you carry it in. The weight of the stones can cause a shoulder to droop, or worse...built up one arm bigger than the other
This is no joke.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-14-2010, 09:27 PM
I have been collecting stones for a long time. More so these days now that those enormous baggy 'cargo' pants are so popular. I insist the field workers fill their pockets with stones from the fields each day. I sit on the front porch in the shade with the fan going, drinking my Jack Daniels as each worker walks past. I have them toss the contents of their pockets into the bucket of the front end loader, leaving only when all the pockets are turned inside out and all body cavities have been searched. We have a small mountain of stones collected so far. Interspersed is the occasional family picture or false teeth. Not much of value as the little Hutchins ragamuffins go burrowing for things of value.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-14-2010, 10:24 PM
Brothers and Sisters, today I tested the common river wash stone, smooth in texture and round in shape. The size ran from that of a jumbo egg to that of a soft ball.
At first i threw at a target on a oak tree, after many attempts I realized that unless I hit the target perfectly square my stones flew to either side. I then went to the Freehold sporting goods store in-search of better equipment. I saw a single person trampoline on sale it was flat so hey what the heck, I thought that I would give it a try. My thought was at least I am hitting somewhat of a flat target, and the stones would bounce back to me.
Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a sling and the story of David and Goliath came to mind. I purchased said sling. I returned to my estate with trampoline and sling in hand. I set up the trampoline with a bulls eye target attached to it. My first few hand thrown stones where dead on target and bounced back a few feet. I then put a fist sized rock into said sling, and rotated it above my head for several rotations, I released said rock towards target. The next thing I knew I was sitting on the ground, several minutes had elapsed and I had a goose egg on my forehead . I will now consult with the Creation Dept as to the actual usage of a sling. If you hit a sinner with a rock from said sling it will knock him/ her out and defeat the purpose of stoning. It is my understanding ( from a mooslim ) that the person being stoned should not pass out from pain more than a few minutes prior to death, other wise it is considered a mercy stoning.
1 Samuel 17
And it came to pass, when the Philistine arose, and came, and drew nigh to meet David, that David hastened, and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine. And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth.
So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of David.
Brothers and Sisters I am not sure how long that I can stay on- line and communicate with you, right now I am suffering from a splitting headache. Pray for me!
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GALS 4 GOD Guidance Counseler Expert at baking, sewing, and rebuking unsaved scum
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,619
Join Date: May 2010
Location: At all times between Genesis and Revelation
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-14-2010, 10:36 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie
Remember, ladies, that if you usually carry a few spare stones in your purse (as I do), it's important to alternate which hand you carry it in. The weight of the stones can cause a shoulder to droop, or worse...built up one arm bigger than the other
This is no joke.
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What a great tip Sister and certainly something we ladies must recognize! Posture is of the utmost importance as it is quite difficult to look up to Heaven to Praise Jesus, when a lady is a "slouchy Sue"!
I have also found that my stoning bucket's handle can be a little torturous on my hands and one day they were a tad calloused. It did nothing to help my pastry kneading, let alone crust crimping, and it even hurt to put my hands together in prayer! Then one day I had an epiphany! Why not carry the stones in one of those trendy totebags that seem to be all the rage these days. They carry a lot of stones and the cotton handles are far less abrasive. So I made a few. If you would like one or two yourself, I would be more than happy to whip a couple up just for you.
Brothers, will there be a tent or two set up by chance? If so, who will be doing the adorning? Reading through Exodus 25 - 28 last night made me think to ask. Gee, God is so fab-u-lous! He leaves nothing to chance, even when it comes to decor! The fact He dedicated 4 entire chapters to tent decoration, speaks volumes!
YIC,
Mrs.P.Wintersnow
There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-14-2010, 11:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
I've just gotten wind of the fact that you guys are planning to have effigies of " Count Chocula" as part of the festivities for the kids. I'd like to warn you off that one. He's a terrifying demon and we don't need Christian kids wetting their pants in the middle of the fun.
Ronald McDonald, Mario and Harry Potter are fine.
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Pastor I have given this a lot of thought. I propose that a pinata be made( A Messican paper doll) of Braaaak Housens Osamba. I will have it filled with candy and scriptures that promote stoning. The little tykes can throw golf balls at it until it burst. Can you just picture the joy on their faces when the Word of God and candy come tumbling out?
I have a picture of the devilcrat, I hope that it is not to shocking for the young ones. Let me know if it is acceptable, I need to give the work order to my beaner maidservant Rosa.
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Winning Souls in his Winnebago
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,893
Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-14-2010, 11:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Pastor I have given this a lot of thought. I propose that a pinata be made( A Messican paper doll) of Braaaak Housens Osamba. I will have it filled with candy and scriptures that promote stoning. The little tykes can throw golf balls at it until it burst. Can you just picture the joy on their faces when the Word of God and candy come tumbling out?
I have a picture of the devilcrat, I hope that it is not to shocking for the young ones. Let me know if it is acceptable, I need to give the work order to my beaner maidservant Rosa.
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Won't the candy fall through those rather large nostrils?
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 01:11 AM
The candy is a good idea. It might be more appealing to the younger crowd than a sack of blood.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Professor of Creation Science at Landover University Double PhD. Theomathematics, Racial Science Returned from 10 year South Africa Expedition
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,991
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Returned from studying the negro in Africa.
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 01:49 AM
I have never been the most athletic of individuals, and since my Ex-Gay© surgery complications, I just cannot get any kind of follow through with my stoning arm. I have been forced to use much lighter or smaller stones than the ones I used to be able to heave.
But after all, it is the thought that counts. I believe God understands that we all cannot have the raw power to cave in the skull of a real or effigaic sinner with a single throw.
Will we also be doing the less phyically demanding stack stonings? You all know the type that I am talking about, where a guilty sinner or the effigy thereof is placed under a board and stones are stacked on the board until the sinner is crushed? Those are certainly less action packed, but I believe they have a certain charm of their own as well.
Professor of Creation Science at Landover Baptist University
Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!
Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,124
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 01:52 AM
Offical Mayor's Proclamation
June 14, 2010
Whereas, stoning is admired and approved of in Bible as a method of maintaining justice and social order as cited in Laviticus 20: 2, 27, 24: 14, 16, 23, Numbers 14: 10, 15: 35, 36, Deuteronomy 13: 10. 17: 5, 21: 21, 22: 21, 24,
And, Whereas, today's court and justice system is doing nothing to correct the sinful behavior of our communities,
And, Whereas, the cost of incarceration is $100,000 US per year per inmate while stoning can be conducted with able volunteers,
And, Whereas, stoning is completely consistant with the concept of democratically elected government with it's parallel institution, citizen participation,
And, Whereas the City of Freehold and Landover Baptist Church wish to bring attention to this worthy, effective and holy method of administering just punishment,
BE IT THEREFORE RESOLVED THAT I, JOHNY JOE HOLD, MAYOR, DO HEREBY PROCLAIM THE CITY OF FREEHOLD AS THE HOME FOR THE
FREEHOLD SUMMER STONING FESTIVAL
on July 17, 2010 and urge all citizens to take advantage of this opportunity to participate in stoning as well as other festive events in the City of Freehold, Iowa.
Johny Joe Hold, Mayor
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 53
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Isle of Sodd
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 08:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aim for heaven
James Dewitt
Brother James, There is wisdom in what you say and it might be the time for stockpiling. My problem is that , as you might be aware,is my only residence is presently my Winnebago, until I can afford my move to Freehold (ie when I settle my law suit with Toyota). I have limited space to stockpile stones so I will have to settle for quality not quantity. What is considered the perfect projectile? Should I worry about weight, size or is shape the most important consideration? How long will we really have after the election before these godless secular laws are repealed ?
Have you heard of any other congregations, like Westboro, that have begun stockpiling as well?
Can you think of any other things that might go short after the election?
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Here on the Isle of Sodd my flock and I have conducted actual tests on sinners. The island is largely made of stones, with some underlying rock, and thanks to God's Providence, bears the wholly misleading appearance of having been tectonised several times within the (impossible) span of 1.8 billion years. Consequently, we have a good range of potential projectiles.
The Stack of Sodd supplies black obsidian, which can be carefully flaked to yield shards which are both sharp and aerodynamically shaped. We use this on geologists. Few leave the island - many are quickly converted to Intelligent Design. For adulteresses, however, the high density and hardness of the Sodd's Law Dunite is preferable to lacerating impacts, as our undertaker, Dim Jamie MacAskew (a by-blow, it is maliciously said, of a MacAskew who changed his name and became a minister) becomes unduly sentimental when laying-out semi-flayed corpses for burial.
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Winning Souls in his Winnebago
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,893
Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 10:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold
Offical Mayor's Proclamation
June 14, 2010
Whereas, stoning is admired and approved of in Bible as a method of maintaining justice and social order as cited in Laviticus 20: 2, 27, 24: 14, 16, 23, Numbers 14: 10, 15: 35, 36, Deuteronomy 13: 10. 17: 5, 21: 21, 22: 21, 24,
And, Whereas, today's court and justice system is doing nothing to correct the sinful behavior of our communities,
And, Whereas, the cost of incarceration is $100,000 US per year per inmate while stoning can be conducted with able volunteers,
And, Whereas, stoning is completely consistant with the concept of democratically elected government with it's parallel institution, citizen participation,
And, Whereas the City of Freehold and Landover Baptist Church wish to bring attention to this worthy, effective and holy method of administering just punishment,
BE IT THEREFORE RESOLVED THAT I, JOHNY JOE HOLD, MAYOR, DO HEREBY PROCLAIM THE CITY OF FREEHOLD AS THE HOME FOR THE
FREEHOLD SUMMER STONING FESTIVAL
on July 17, 2010 and urge all citizens to take advantage of this opportunity to participate in stoning as well as other festive events in the City of Freehold, Iowa.
Johny Joe Hold, Mayor
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Mayor JJ, If it is decided by the community that secular law be damned and the decision is made to actually stone unbelieving sinners during the festival a simple ''typo'' in your advertisements could attract plenty of targets. My thought would be to place the Ad in the San Fransisco Free Press and the typo would read FREEHOLD SUMMER STONERS FESTIVAL
which should attract many dope smoking, free love homersexuals, which will be in short supply as things now stand.
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 01:12 PM
Brothers and Sisters last night after my headache cleared up, I went on line to search for different rocks. I came across a rock call obsidian. It was formed a few thousand years ago with eruptions of volcanoes. It seems that the rocks are very sharp, like a razor sharp. I am heading out this afternoon for California, there is an entire mountain of the stuff.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 53
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Isle of Sodd
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 01:26 PM
Glory! The Lord has provided you with His chosen instrument of chastisement too. Did I mention that it is most efficacious against Papists?
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Winning Souls in his Winnebago
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,893
Join Date: May 2010
Location: travelling the heartland in my Winnebago.
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 01:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Brothers and Sisters last night after my headache cleared up, I went on line to search for different rocks. I came across a rock call obsidian. It was formed a few thousand years ago with eruptions of volcanoes. It seems that the rocks are very sharp, like a razor sharp. I am heading out this afternoon for California, there is an entire mountain of the stuff.
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A business opportunity-
This rock is the product of a volcano right. Iceland has just been ''blessed'' with said volcano.
If the Icelander eskimos haven't realized it they are sitting on a potential gold mine. If they don't understand this they might pay someone to pick up all those pesky rocks, payday both ends.
Unfortunately I do not have the capital at hand to start this up myself but I would expect to be paid, with a large pile of said stones, for my business plan.
1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 01:49 PM
Quote:
=Pastor Ezekiel;539809]Amen to all this Brothers. It seems that the Holy Ghost is preparing us for something big! Let's all pray over this.
I'd like to see a few of our creation scientists take on the task of improving stoning techniques. Bringing them into the 20th century, so to speak. There's nothing in the Good Book against that.
Praise Jesus. The stone age is coming!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Bessemer
I have never been the most athletic of individuals, and since my Ex-Gay© surgery complications, I just cannot get any kind of follow through with my stoning arm. I have been forced to use much lighter or smaller stones than the ones I used to be able to heave.
But after all, it is the thought that counts. I believe God understands that we all cannot have the raw power to cave in the skull of a real or effigaic sinner with a single throw.
Will we also be doing the less phyically demanding stack stonings? You all know the type that I am talking about, where a guilty sinner or the effigy thereof is placed under a board and stones are stacked on the board until the sinner is crushed? Those are certainly less action packed, but I believe they have a certain charm of their own as well.
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Pastor Ezekiel and Professor Bessemer. The boys at the Creation Dept and I have designed something a little more up to date for the purpose of launching rocks. Our friends at the Creation dept, and the Research and Development lab at Landover University are finalizing the plans as we speak. Construction should begin late this afternoon, and hopefully a working prototype by Thursday morning. No cost was spared for this one fellas.
Professor this one was designed just for you. I know that your arm strength is some what diminished( As a result of surgery) and God wants you to be able to stone with the rest of us.
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Professor of Creation Science at Landover University Double PhD. Theomathematics, Racial Science Returned from 10 year South Africa Expedition
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,991
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Returned from studying the negro in Africa.
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 02:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Dewitt
Professor this one was designed just for you. I know that your arm strength is some what diminished( As a result of surgery) and God wants you to be able to stone with the rest of us.
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Wonderful news Brother James! I had wondered what all that activity was on campus. Were those loud thumps and booms from the testing process?
Professor of Creation Science at Landover Baptist University
Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!
Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 02:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aim for heaven
A business opportunity-
This rock is the product of a volcano right. Iceland has just been ''blessed'' with said volcano.
If the Icelander eskimos haven't realized it they are sitting on a potential gold mine. If they don't understand this they might pay someone to pick up all those pesky rocks, payday both ends.
Unfortunately I do not have the capital at hand to start this up myself but I would expect to be paid, with a large pile of said stones, for my business plan.
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Shout Glory , I am going to PM brother Alex on this one. Logistics might be a bit of a hassle, Iceland is in the middle of the ocean. I wonder if FMF( Brother Fee Market Fred) can help? If I am not mistaken Uranus corp. has ships. Brother Hutchins has trucking covered. I smell a gold mine, naturally a cut of the profits from sale of said rocks will be given directly to LBC or the Pastors. Do not worry, we will take care of you on the backside.
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#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
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Posts: 6,234
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
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Re: Have You started collecting stones? -
06-15-2010, 02:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Bessemer
Wonderful news Brother James! I had wondered what all that activity was on campus. Were those loud thumps and booms from the testing process?
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Well as a matter of fact they where. I can not go into details, I will just say this, you are going to get a bang out of it
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