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Default We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 12:39 AM

We at Landover Baptist thank Jesus every day we have Pastor Zeke at the helm. What I worry about is the liberal media trying to destroy him. So many wonderful Pastors have been victims of relentless and unfair attacks. When you look at the number of preachers destroyed it is sobering:

Ted Haggard, Jim Bakker, Robert Tilton, Peter Popoff, Ted Coy, Jimmy Swaggart, Josh Duggar, Jane Duggar, Perry Stone, Craig Duke, Jerry Falwell, Jr.

I don't need to tell Landover Baptists about even more fallen preachers not on that list.

The thing is, Pastor Zeke has his own life when he is not on the clock. We can't have reporters nosing in on his private life. I realize the Pastor has a security detail made up of very young men from, I believe, the Philippines. But is this enough?


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 01:15 AM

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Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
We at Landover Baptist thank Jesus every day we have Pastor Zeke at the helm. What I worry about is the liberal media trying to destroy him. So many wonderful Pastors have been victims of relentless and unfair attacks. When you look at the number of preachers destroyed it is sobering:

Ted Haggard, Jim Bakker, Robert Tilton, Peter Popoff, Ted Coy, Jimmy Swaggart, Josh Duggar, Jane Duggar, Perry Stone, Craig Duke, Jerry Falwell, Jr.

I don't need to tell Landover Baptists about even more fallen preachers not on that list.

The thing is, Pastor Zeke has his own life when he is not on the clock. We can't have reporters nosing in on his private life. I realize the Pastor has a security detail made up of very young men from, I believe, the Philippines. But is this enough?
I'm confused. Does Pastor Zeke have a mote in his eye? Jesus told us to remove our own beams first.

Matthew 7:3

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?


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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 07:12 AM

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Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
I'm confused. Does Pastor Zeke have a mote in his eye? Jesus told us to remove our own beams first.
Sister, sister, sister. The Mayor said moat not mote. Although the scripture is appreciated. Moat. Not mote. Goodness me, Pastor Zeke will be furious if he finds out.


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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 07:46 AM

Me eyes are clear, perfect blue, Caucasian and they see almost everything, especially any misdemeanors of me flock! That said, thank you, Mayor, for your concern. My 14-yo Filipino houseboys are very well equipped to fill any voids requiring their vigorous presence in the Flint Mansion but they're exhausted for all the services they have to perform to keep me satisfied. The obvious answer is to get more of them. Many more. And that_takes_money_capische? We've gotta raise the tithes and the taxes! You're welcome to the Mansion after my Sermon to discuss this, and bring the Mutton Roguechild or whatever it's called but not the 1956 lousy stock that you give your Mayor friends but the decent 1953. If this works out, I might consider updating the gold bowls of your Mansion to platinum.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 09:58 AM

I'm starting to think that we may need to buy a couple of fully-armed F-16s to escort Pastor Zeke's new jumbo jet.


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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 10:15 AM

I can only imagine the immense pressure this man faces. The constant clamouring of the lieberal media sniffing at anything he might do or say. What they would give to spend 3 seconds rooting through his trash! Everyone wants a piece of him.
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 10:26 AM

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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
I'm starting to think that we may need to buy a couple of fully-armed F-16s to escort Pastor Zeke's new jumbo jet.
Is that project finished? If escorts are needed, would a newer F-35 be more appropriate, sources tell me a brand new model is up for grabs.


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 03:31 PM

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Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
That said, thank you, Mayor, for your concern. My 14-yo Filipino houseboys are very well equipped to fill any voids requiring their vigorous presence in the Flint Mansion but they're exhausted
Thank you for your thoughts on this, Pastor Zeke. We've had private conversations.

I'm trying to think strategically here. When we look at that long list of pastors brought down by the media, we have to assume all of them had something like a staff of Filipino houseboys. In some cases they were women. These preachers had public relations staff issuing press releases on their Godly preaching just as we do. In spite of this the media broke through the fire wall and "discovered" scandals that brought them down.

An example is Brother Jimmy Swaggart. He went to a prostitute with the intention of bringing her to Jesus. The usual precautions were taken, he used fake name. But, the prostitute made up a different story of his visit and down he came.

I concerned, Pastor Zeke, we don't have a process over in the Philippines vetting the house boys that work for you. We don't have armed personnel to intimidate the paparazzi that tails all famous preachers. These are things we need to discuss.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 09:07 PM

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Originally Posted by Roland View Post
Is that project finished?
Sadly, no. There are a bunch of tightwad tin-level tithers who haven't been stepping up to the collection plate as they should have been. We may have to shun a few of those families to encourage the others.

Quote:
If escorts are needed, would a newer F-35 be more appropriate, sources tell me a brand new model is up for grabs.
Every evangelical pastor uses escorts.

Interesting thought re the F-35. The F-16 is a much better dogfighter, whereas F-35 is optimized for networked warfare with AWACS support. Of course, we could add an AWACS to our shopping list.


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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-30-2022, 10:32 PM

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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
Interesting thought re the F-35. The F-16 is a much better dogfighter, whereas F-35 is optimized for networked warfare with AWACS support. Of course, we could add an AWACS to our shopping list.
I'm thinking that the more contemporary and convenient choice would be to have a predator drone escort squadron. You can get four of them for the price of one Lockheed Martin F-16.


As far as the sunken F-35 goes, if anybody could salvage it from the bottom of the South China Sea, they're just south of more than enough rice to dry out all the electronics onboard.


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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 06:44 PM

Here we go with another example of how dangerous it is out there for popular and charismatic preachers. In the news today is a church with a preacher who had a bad wife. While getting a divorce, a harlot on his church staff seduced him.

As so often is the case, the church went after its pastor instead of the harlot. Now, the mega church doesn't have enough money or staff to keep going. Kick the preacher out and there goes the income. Let's guard our Pastor Zeke.

Venue Church struggles as Pastor Tavner Smith takes time off | Church & Ministries News (christianpost.com)


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 07:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Here we go with another example of how dangerous it is out there for popular and charismatic preachers. In the news today is a church with a preacher who had a bad wife. While getting a divorce, a harlot on his church staff seduced him.

As so often is the case, the church went after its pastor instead of the harlot. Now, the mega church doesn't have enough money or staff to keep going. Kick the preacher out and there goes the income. Let's guard our Pastor Zeke.

Venue Church struggles as Pastor Tavner Smith takes time off | Church & Ministries News (christianpost.com)

I trust Pastor Zeke implicitly, but it's good to know harlots don't go near him. Landover only supplies young male houseboys.
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 08:20 PM

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Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable View Post
... but it's good to know harlots don't go near him. Landover only supplies young male houseboys.
That's not quite the complete deal, Unfalsifiable. Harlots are after Pastor Zeke like bees to honey. It is the job of his security team, the houseboys, to protect him from them.

The thing is there are beautiful women in the Landover Baptist congregation that need Pastoral care. Lot's of them it seems. That is where the house boys cannot protect Pastor. Many a pastor has been led astray, victimized, while giving pastoral care to a member of his congregation.

We're still searching for the moat to protect Pastor Zeke.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 08:23 PM

Just brainstorming here, Brother Mayor, but ask yourself - what repels attractive women the most? Younger, more attractive women. I believe Col Gadaffi maintained a personal bodyguard consisting of such women presumably for this purpose.


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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 08:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
Just brainstorming here, Brother Mayor, but ask yourself - what repels attractive women the most? Younger, more attractive women. I believe Col Gadaffi maintained a personal bodyguard consisting of such women presumably for this purpose.
Certainly Dr. Toole, Pastor Zeke would be safer with two fire walls instead of one. The house boys would be one, perhaps young beautiful women the next. President Trump owned a beauty pageant, I wonder if he knows where we could hire a bunch of his contestants.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 08:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Here we go with another example of how dangerous it is out there for popular and charismatic preachers. In the news today is a church with a preacher who had a bad wife. While getting a divorce, a harlot on his church staff seduced him.

As so often is the case, the church went after its pastor instead of the harlot. Now, the mega church doesn't have enough money or staff to keep going. Kick the preacher out and there goes the income. Let's guard our Pastor Zeke.

Venue Church struggles as Pastor Tavner Smith takes time off | Church & Ministries News (christianpost.com)
It's not just Jezebel harlots that can lead a godly Pastor astray, Brother Mayor. Look at this detail from the link you posted:

They allegedly found the employee dressed in a towel while Smith was in his boxers. The pastor claimed that they “had been making chili and hot dogs and gotten food on their clothes,” the publication recounted from an interview with an unidentified volunteer.

Now, it seems to me that foreign foods are as dangerous as flirting females. The hot dogs alone would not have been a problem. It was the sloppy, spicy chili that caused the confused interpretation of events.


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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 08:42 PM

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Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
President Trump owned a beauty pageant, I wonder if he knows where we could hire a bunch of his contestants.
Already on it, Sir. Some of the, uh, lesser girls can be reassigned to the beta Pastors.
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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 09:26 PM

Will nobody consider the feelings of Pastor's rather long-term fiancee, our dear Sister Daisy Mae?


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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 10:08 PM

Is that part of the cast for Snow Woke and the Seven Vertically-Challenged Persons?


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Default Re: We Need a Moat Around Pastor Zeke - 01-31-2022, 10:19 PM

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Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Will nobody consider the feelings of Pastor's rather long-term fiancee, our dear Sister Daisy Mae?
A criticism well taken, Sister Joanna. Sister Daisy Mae stills considers herself the future bride of Pastor Zeke and we must be respectful of that. I have no reason whatsoever to doubt a blissful future for Sister Daisy Mae and Pastor Zeke.

What we are discussing here is the challenges Pastor faces in his daily life and how we can help to save his career and future marriage to Daisy Mae.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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