[Johny Joe Hold]

The Salvation Army is catching is from all sides this Christmas. Putting money in the drum to save a drunken bum is not flying. And, rightfully so.

During its hay day, the Army staying straight and true. It did not employ any homers. If homers got into its free meals, it did not approve but tried not to look at these disgusting people.

Homers and liberals complained. So, the Army first issued a statement saying it only discriminated in hiring, not in service to those in need. Complaints continued so the new policy is homers can work for the Army. Good Christians said goodbye to the Army.

Then, the Army published an essay explaining it endorsed woke Christianity; Black Live Matter was its new mantra. Whatever Christian goodwill was left after feeding homers went out the window.

Sorry, but the Salvation Army should have stayed Christian instead of accommodating sinners and promoting mixed race marriages. It will march into the sunset.

If you have money to give this Christmas, give it to Landover Baptist. None of it will go to feed the poor.

Waging war against the Salvation Army (religionnews.com)

[Dennis Lukes]

If there's a true Army of Salvation in the land, it is surely LBC, not those sissy homers. Do those bell ringers all have concealed carry permits? No. But LBC Christians do. Could street corner Santas form a citizens' militia at a moment's notice? No! But LBC could! Does the SA know anything about survivalism, sovereign citizenship, posse commitatus, 1488, Phineas Priesthood, Christian Identity, or Q? Do they read Soldier of Fortune or watch InfoWars? Can they field-strip an AR-15? Have any red kettle jockeys been indicted or even investigated for... I'll shut up now. Some army! Landover Baptist Church is the TRUE Salvation Army.

[handmaiden]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

Do those bell ringers all have concealed carry permits? No. But LBC Christians do. Could street corner Santas form a citizens' militia at a moment's notice? No! But LBC could! Does the SA know anything about survivalism, sovereign citizenship, posse commitatus, 1488, Phineas Priesthood, Christian Identity, or Q? Do they read Soldier of Fortune or watch InfoWars? Can they field-strip an AR-15?

You make some excellent points, Brother Lukes. In order to effectively serve Jesus, a person needs a broader skill set than just memorizing Scripture. The Apostle Paul knew how to sew tents, Peter knew how to fish, Luke had some medical training and Matthew knew how to keep ledgers.

[Basilissa]

If there is one good thing about the pandemic, is that it wiped out the Salvation Army bums collecting money at shopping malls.

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by Basilissa

If there is one good thing about the pandemic, is that it wiped out the Salvation Army bums collecting money at shopping malls.

Yes if you go to your local Walmart or farm and fleet store you'll find a red kettle hanging out front but no bell-ringing elderly sex offender with booze on his breath. They're getting very lazy. I'm surprised the kettles don't just have credit card slots - millennials don't use hard currency.

[Johny Joe Hold]

People need to consider what they are getting for their donated money at Christmastime. Give to the Salvation Army, what did you accomplish? At best, you fed another drunk for a day. Few, if any, of them become True Christians.

Give to Landover Baptist and you are paying for Pastor Zeke to jet around the world saving souls. As a bonus, he collects big bucks at every stop.

You worked hard for your money. Put that money to good use.

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

Yes if you go to your local Walmart or farm and fleet store you'll find a red kettle hanging out front but no bell-ringing elderly sex offender with booze on his breath.

Thank you Jesus for covid:

It’s a tradition that’s as normal as seeing holiday lights around town — the bells of the Salvation Army ringing at grocery stores, drug stores and shopping malls. Those little red kettles are a major way the Salvation Army keeps its charities going, but during unprecedented times, a bell ringer shortage is impacting donations, which have declined this year.

[WWJDnow]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

If there's a true Army of Salvation in the land, it is surely LBC, not those sissy homers. Do those bell ringers all have concealed carry permits? No. But LBC Christians do. Could street corner Santas form a citizens' militia at a moment's notice? No! But LBC could! Does the SA know anything about survivalism, sovereign citizenship, posse commitatus, 1488, Phineas Priesthood, Christian Identity, or Q? Do they read Soldier of Fortune or watch InfoWars? Can they field-strip an AR-15? Have any red kettle jockeys been indicted or even investigated for... I'll shut up now. Some army! Landover Baptist Church is the TRUE Salvation Army.

How True! Firearms training was always my favorite part of Sunday school.

[The Attention Seeker Jen (On Moderation)]

I'm sorry I missed everyone this Christmas. It was awful lonely. Nobody came to my festive shin-dig due to COVID-19 fears, so I had to finish it myself, (waste not, want not). And boy, you don't know what you're missing!

After carolling around my flat to all my tenants with my interpretive, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, I returned back to my room and put away the entire feast, and what a feast.


PRE-DRINK


Aperitifs - mini liqueur samplers flavoured candy-cane and cinnamon followed by pink champagne.


Appetizers followed - Gouda stuffed dates wrapped in bacon, with tuna topped crackers and chives, followed by egg and potato salad and and surprise Ambrosia to follow.


2nd round of appetizers: Fero gourged with carrot purree and sour cream, mulled wine and period blood marinated chicken fingers with plum and ranch dipping sauce, followed by a veggie platter of carrots, cauliflower, eggplant, cherry tomatoes, celery and watermelon to keep those calories in check.

3rd round of appitzers:Squaw with lemon and creme fraiche, smoked salmon slices and prosciutto, and a cheese platter with gorgonzola, blue, harfarti, bree and marbleized chedder with pepper pips. This was followed by more cheese, a fountain fondue with aged cheddar on pretzel sticks.

Finally, the main course (or the start of it at least, can you believe I'm still famished??)

1st course Choice of cream of bacon and corn chowder stew or cockleleekie soup (I chose both) with sesame bread rolls and real extra thick butter. A lemon water was served with this to cleanse my palate and my armpits.

2nd course Roasted corn and potato medley with hot butter cream along with mashed turnip and parsnip bake, and grated parmigiano with a special curry and rice on the side (as an alternative, but in my home, there's no alternative. )

3rd course - Ratatouille with pig bladder pate and a tripe tartar. Fake crab meat served out of a hollowed pelican beak, drizzled in lemon, groin yeast and butter (I might had overdid it here) served on a bed of scallions and a glass of Chardonnay.

4th course - Haggis stuffed in goat uterus, with blood sausage, suckling pig and hot mustard, buffalo burgers with slices of tomato, Jack cheddar, iceberg lettuce, special garlic aioli followed by their deep fried testicles served with frites.

5th course - Swordfish and grouse served simultaneously as a "fowl of the air, fish of the sea special" along with goat kabob flambee (I think this was the billy goat born of the goat I used for the haggis), and punch romaine. Roasted peacock (I replaced the feathers and fashioned them into a sort of Christmas headdress I wore last night, and replaced the feathers with shark fins for the gourmet dish)

6th course - By now, the meal is starting to settle down, so here I came to a crescendo of pan-seered duck and horse (quack and track) with garden vegetables, plus a simple lasagna (but ran out of cottage cheese for the centre, so I subbed with...something else.)

7th course - I'm afraid burned this course, sadly (ate it still), I mean, it was just me in the kitchen, but whatever, this was Heaven's Egg pudding (What is Heaven's Egg? It's the opposite of Deviled Eggs, I use sprinkles instead of cayenne) - The pudding was a mixture of cranberry sauce, cantaloupe and my special mung.

Pre-dessert -After that hearty meal, I served up some fruit platter with grapes, blood oranges, clementine, apple slices along with some Camembert cheese, plus a slight tipple of sherry (I'm not a lush I swear. I know the Bible says some things about alcohol, but my BMI cancels out the effects, so, I'm good)

Penultimate dessert - Baked Alaska with maraschino cherries, and my choice of vanilla, fudge or butterscotch nipple ice cream. Oh yeah, and funnel cake.

Dessert - Flaming Christmas pudding with brandy liqueur, flan and more funnel cake, a hot fudge banana split, along with a fresh apple pie.
Postdessert - By now, I'm starting to settle into the final stretches of the evening, with a glass of eggnog, plus some Terry's chocolate oranges, jellybeans and an entire gingerbread house.

Phew!

So what does all that to do with giving back? Well, I'm not a total hog. I have a big heart and I love to share with the community. It's not fault nobody came to my party, and since I'm not a bottomless void, I have scrapped all the leftovers into some cheese cloth (even extracted some of the slop that drizzled down my chin and onto my evening gown) and I want to send it your way, to it can be distributed to the needy. This is a special offer indeed, and I think you should claim soon as some of the feast is destined to grow mould that will be less difficult to discern from the tasty parts as time passes!

Merry Christmas! Love, Jen XOXOXO

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen

long list of expensive foreign foods removed for brevity

Trying to read through all these foreign food names and ingredients gave me a stomachache. Good for you for making it to the top 1%, but I'd prefer to spend all that money on a piece of rose gold Georgian jewelry (featuring rose cut diamonds, obviously) rather than on unpronounceable foods containing weird ingredients. Crème fraîche?! What is that, some kind of a maggot?

[The Attention Seeker Jen (On Moderation)]

Originally Posted by Basilissa

Trying to read through all these foreign food names and ingredients gave me a stomachache. Good for you for making it to the top 1%, but I'd prefer to spend all that money on a piece of rose gold Georgian jewelry (featuring rose cut diamonds) rather than on unpronounceable foods containing weird ingredients. Crème fraîche?! What is that, some kind of a maggot?

Oh no, I'm no 1%-er. Far from it. Otherwise, I'd love to give you all a hefty tithe to support Jesus. No, I paid for it with a stipend from my medical leave.

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen

I'm sorry I missed everyone this Christmas.

We're not sorry, and we certainly didn't miss you. Frankly we were hoping you'd never come back. Some people just can't take a hint.

[Roland]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

We're not sorry, and we certainly didn't miss you. Frankly we were hoping you'd never come back. Some people just can't take a hint.

I hope you don´t mean that. Your God only permanently rejects those who insult the Holy Ghost: Mark 3:29

[WWJDnow]

Originally Posted by Roland

I hope you don´t mean that. Your God only permanently rejects those who insult the Holy Ghost: Mark 3:29

As Christians, we're all about love and forgiveness. If sinners sincerely repent and turn their lives over to Christ Jesus, we would not have a problem with them. But honestly, what do you think the chances are of that happening in this case?

Unless we see signs of true repentance, why would we want this particular sinner littering our message boards? In your case, at least you quote the Bible correctly, so we haven't yet completely given up hope.

[The Attention Seeker Jen (On Moderation)]

In all fairness, I've quoted the Bible correctly too when I chose to. Dislike me all you wish, but Scripture is scripture.

[handmaiden]

Originally Posted by The Attention Seeker Jen

In all fairness, I've quoted the Bible correctly too when I chose to. Dislike me all you wish, but Scripture is scripture.

Satan also quoted Scripture in a doomed effort to get quippy with Christ.

There is a certain transparency to your efforts when you throw Bible quotes into the mix. One doesn't get the feeling that you want anyone to actually learn about the Bible when you compose your posts.


What is your actual motivation for engaging in this Bible discussion forum?

[Emily Brent]

Originally Posted by Basilissa

Trying to read through all these foreign food names and ingredients gave me a stomachache. Good for you for making it to the top 1%, but I'd prefer to spend all that money on a piece of rose gold Georgian jewelry (featuring rose cut diamonds, obviously) rather than on unpronounceable foods containing weird ingredients. Crème fraîche?! What is that, some kind of a maggot?

I wouldn't recommend those, dear. Too Hollywood tart, you're better than that. Look at the size of those, you could whip someone to death.


I could knit you a grey shawl, wouldn't that be so much nicer?

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by Emily Brent

I wouldn't recommend those, dear. Too Hollywood tart, you're better than that. Look at the size of those, you could whip someone to death.

It wouldn't be for daily wear, obviously. They are much less heavy than they look, with the rose cut diamonds being so flat:



This is the modern version of a rose cut. Antique rose cut is the full rose cut (the double rose cut on the right is a modern abomination), but antique rose cut diamonds are much less symmetrical, and often flatter (almost like a flat sheet, with three to six barely visible and unevenly sized facets).

I could knit you a grey shawl, wouldn't that be so much nicer?

Not really. Grey shawl wouldn't go well with yellow and rose gold jewelry, and I honestly doubt it would be fine enough to go with Victorian silver-over-gold diamond jewelry, or Edwardian platinum jewelry. Unless you could knit using the vicuña wool.

[handmaiden]

Originally Posted by Emily Brent

I wouldn't recommend those, dear. Too Hollywood tart, you're better than that. Look at the size of those, you could whip someone to death.


I could knit you a grey shawl, wouldn't that be so much nicer?

Miss Brent, our dear Sister is, indeed, better than a Hollywood tart. She is a True Christian™ Lady and a married woman.

If her generous husband wants to gift her with fabulous jewels, then it would be an insult to his kindness and blessed status for her to refuse to bedeck herself in whatever he chose to offer. A lady's appearance is always an expression of her husband's position. And, as I understand it, Enrique's position is considerable. I believe that he and our Pastor Zeke collaborate on any number of ventures.

[The Attention Seeker Jen (On Moderation)]

Originally Posted by handmaiden

Miss Brent, our dear Sister is, indeed, better than a Hollywood tart. She is a True Christian™ Lady and a married woman.

If her generous husband wants to gift her with fabulous jewels, then it would be an insult to his kindness and blessed status for her to refuse to bedeck herself in whatever he chose to offer. A lady's appearance is always an expression of her husband's position. And, as I understand it, Enrique's position is considerable. I believe that he and our Pastor Zeke collaborate on any number of ventures.

I think Emily's dead. You're talking to a corpse.