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Prayer Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-04-2016, 07:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine View Post
You think you're unhappy, Pastor Zeke? Think how GOD feels about you not having that plane!

And everybody please heed these words from my good friends, Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis.

As they make abundantly clear, settling for a merely adequate plane means you've allowed your faith to stagnate.


And since the video gets cut off at the end, let's take a close look at Amos 6:1 and see what it says:


Pastor Zeke is anything but "at ease" in Zion. He is not complacent in his faith.

But you know who is complacent? All of us, who have failed to get him this plane.

This isn't rocket science, people. Now go out there and win some souls for Jesus, and get them on a tithe schedule, pronto!

(That means quickly.)

Brother Faith,

I have excellent news that I've meant to share with you for some time now.

I received a few days ago a letter that has infinite promise to provide us with all the currency we need to purchase Pastor Ezekiel the best jet available.

Quote:
"Trust in the Lord with all your Heart and He will acknowledge and He will light the way."
This prayer has been sent to you for good luck. The original copy is from the NETHERLANDS.It has been around the world nine times. The luck has now been brought to you. You will receive good luck within four days of receiving this letter provided you in turn send it back out. THIS IS NO JOKE... You will receive it in the mail. Send copies of this letter to people you think need good luck. Send 100 $ to the top name on the list, the one that you omitted. Wrap it carefully in paper, put it in an envelope, enclosing nothing else, as a charity donation. In turn, as your name reaches the top, you will begin receiving hundreds of dollars. Do not keep this letter.... It must leave your hands within 96 hours after you receive it.
An RAF officer received $70,000. Joe Elliott received $4,000,000 and lost it because he broke the chain. While in the Phillipines, General Welch lost his life six days after he received this letter. HE failed to circulate the prayer.
The list of names DOES include Mr. Dollar, Mr. Ham etc., all reliable and well-known affluent names. In addition, I'm fairly sure that I will have to pass this letter on or bad luck will meet me.

I'm going to forward this letter to five of our Brethren and sisters and they can forward it to five further recipients each. Soon we'll be on the top of the list and receive hundreds, thousands of dollars each from those further down on the list. We'll be able to pay for Pastor Ezekiel's jet in no time.

This ingenious financing method is called a "chain letter". I'm flabbergasted that no-one has thought of this before! It is just plain solid mathematics. No way we can lose!

To ensure the feasibility of this plan, I consulted the Bible. The Bible says "yes"!


Song of Solomon 1:10
Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold.


Verily, Gold is prophesied. This is most promising.

Ezekiel 7:23
Make a chain: for the land is full of bloody crimes, and the city is full of violence.


Verily, God Commands us to keep the chain going!

2 Timothy 1:16
The Lord give mercy unto the house of Onesiphorus; for he oft refreshed me, and was not ashamed of my chain:


Verily, we shall not be ashamed of this method of fundraising!




Dear Brethren, Dear Brother Faith! You'll soon receive copies of this letter. Please, do not break the chain. Keep this money-making method going! This is the answer to our needs!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-04-2016, 03:29 PM

A Godly uncle of mine recently passed and left me a large sum of money. He wanted me to keep at least half of it for myself and give the other half to a worthy cause. I've decided to send at least $350,000 (which is a little more than half) to this incredibly worthy cause.
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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-04-2016, 04:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samuel Hubbard View Post
A Godly uncle of mine recently passed and left me a large sum of money. He wanted me to keep at least half of it for myself and give the other half to a worthy cause. I've decided to send at least $350,000 (which is a little more than half) to this incredibly worthy cause.
The Committee appreciates your generosity. This large gift moves us closer to ordering the Airbus.

We are concerned that Pastor Zeke is still without this appropriate aircraft on the cusp of Donald Trumps election to the Presidency of the United States. We are thinking our aircraft might be preferred by President Trump to Air Force One. Pastor Zeke's Airbus will have a stag only cigar room where the President and the Pastor can kick back and see some movies we may never hear about.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-04-2016, 04:35 PM

Have we given any thought to the liveries that will be worn by the in-flight service staff? I'm thinking something with a classic antebellum look would be just delightful.
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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-05-2016, 05:12 AM

Brother Machine! Do you really think that Pastor Zeke would want nigra hosties on board? Maybe something a little more modern, and a lot more white:



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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-05-2016, 05:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samuel Hubbard View Post
A Godly uncle of mine recently passed and left me a large sum of money. He wanted me to keep at least half of it for myself and give the other half to a worthy cause. I've decided to send at least $350,000 (which is a little more than half) to this incredibly worthy cause.
Yea thanks. That should cover the cost of one of the toilets.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-05-2016, 08:53 AM

So how near is the purchase of this soul-winning aircraft? I see many donations and yet Ezekiel is having to fly in his old personal jet? How do you expect him to show his face in an airport in that old thing?

I question the faithfulness of those opposed to this project. I will pledge regular donations to the fund once a disclosure is made of the status of purchase. Don't miss out on my $30 per month!


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-05-2016, 09:18 AM

I think The Donald should be approached to provide the aircraft. Afterall, the work that Pastor Zeke does for him is immeasurable in financial terms. The least he could do would be to provide Zeke with some transport.


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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-05-2016, 09:52 AM

More importantly, and I hate to say this, but I have been plagued by doubts regarding Donald Trump's relationship with the Lord.

I'm sorry, but there are times I feel like Jesus Christ might not be completely at the center of Trump's life.


I know this is a terribly controversial statement, but Trump could remove any doubt by ponying up and paying for that plane. It would just be a nice thing; a token gesture of his commitment to Christ.


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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-07-2016, 10:36 AM

I'll say it before and I'll say it again: A private jet aircraft is NOT a luxury purchase, but a NECESSARY tool to bring salvation to unsaved scum. A luxury, by definition, is something that is unnecessary and frivolous....a jet plane, being a transportation machine that brings a righteous preacher like Pastor Zeke around the world, hardly qualifies. It is simply a tool.

We all know Jesus Himself would've used a plane if they had existed back then. Would Jesus limit his televangelist reach by mere sandals when it could be extended for hundreds of miles because of technology? I think we all know the answer to that.

BTW, Zeke, I do have a 747 that I'm selling because of some safety issues but for a cheap $100,000 investment, it will be perfectly adequate for your needs.



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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-07-2016, 04:49 PM

I know that Pastor Zeke is a good friend of Mr. Donald Trump who is seeking the office of President of Babylon. This will give the Pastor an ability to speak to Mr. Trump. If the congregation was to find out which company is making the new super sonic private jet airplane that I have heard about and the Pastor could call Mr. Trump and tell him that the church was buying one for the Pastor then I think Mr. Trump would want to have the fastest airplane and he would give his own jet to Pastor Zeke and buy the very fast jet for himself. You can't be the President and have a slower jet than a pastor even if the pastor is a leading figure in world Christianity. Then the Pastor would have a jet airplane and also a friend with a really fast airplane in case he needed to borrow it. This is how you get a jet airplane and get Donald Trump to pay for it. Even Mr. Donald Trump would have to admire that.


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African Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-07-2016, 06:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari View Post
I know that Pastor Zeke is a good friend of Mr. Donald Trump who is seeking the office of President of Babylon. This will give the Pastor an ability to speak to Mr. Trump. If the congregation was to find out which company is making the new super sonic private jet airplane that I have heard about and the Pastor could call Mr. Trump and tell him that the church was buying one for the Pastor then I think Mr. Trump would want to have the fastest airplane and he would give his own jet to Pastor Zeke and buy the very fast jet for himself. You can't be the President and have a slower jet than a pastor even if the pastor is a leading figure in world Christianity. Then the Pastor would have a jet airplane and also a friend with a really fast airplane in case he needed to borrow it. This is how you get a jet airplane and get Donald Trump to pay for it. Even Mr. Donald Trump would have to admire that.
Ok Pastafarian, I've put up with your nigra stupidity enough. Godly America is not the ancient sandnigra pagan city Babylon.


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Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-07-2016, 07:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grandma View Post
Ok Pastafarian, I've put up with your nigra stupidity enough. Godly America is not the ancient sandnigra pagan city Babylon.
Hi Grandma,

You seem to be a bit confused. No harm in that.

Mr. Rastafari is a Christian who follows the Bible (KJV). He adheres to Psalms 68:4.

Pastafarians however, follow the Loose Cannon, believe in His Noodly Godliness and have a drawing of of a mountain with a tree and a midgit, for starters.

Kind regards, Roland


Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.
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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-08-2016, 04:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
I'll say it before and I'll say it again: A private jet aircraft is NOT a luxury purchase, but a NECESSARY tool to bring salvation to unsaved scum. A luxury, by definition, is something that is unnecessary and frivolous....a jet plane, being a transportation machine that brings a righteous preacher like Pastor Zeke around the world, hardly qualifies. It is simply a tool.

BTW, Zeke, I do have a 747 that I'm selling because of some safety issues but for a cheap $100,000 investment, it will be perfectly adequate for your needs.
Thank you, Rev. Jim, for giving Pastor Zeke's New Jet Aircraft Committee a chance to buy your old Boeing 747.

Pastor Zeke wants the Airbus A380, new of course. Plus, the Boeing 747 is just not large enough to fit in the amenities he needs. You will note the A380 is more expensive and we need to give Pastor Zeke the most prestigious aircraft in the world.

The Committee did some research before agreeing with Pastor Zeke in A380 is the way to go:

Asia Pacific | South Korea | Seoul
Boeing 747-8 vs. Airbus A380 -- the airline giants face off Boeing 747-8 vs. Airbus A380 -- the airline giants face off

Now that the Boeing 747-8 has received its FAA certification, here's a look at how it fares against its mighty rival, the Airbus A380



17 December, 2011


Top Trump: The Boeing 747-8 Intercontinental, left, and the Airbus A380.
Boeing's 747-8 Intercontinental, the latest incarnation of its era-defining passenger jet, has received its certification from the Federal Aviation Administration. The European Aviation Safety Agency is expected to follow suit imminently.
That means it's safe to fly and opens the way for its 36 orders to start shipping "early next year" according to Boeing.
Also on CNNGo: Boeing unveils the new 747-8i
It's the longest passenger plane in the world and takes on the Airbus A380 head-on. But how do these two leviathans of the skies compare?
We present to you the Airbus 747-8 and Airbus A380 face off.
Figures are obtained from Boeing and Airbus, except where stated.
Round 1: Capacity

Boeing 747-8: 467 passengers, in a three-class configuration
Airbus A380: 525 passengers, in a three-class configuration
The Airbus is the clear winner in this round, and inspired a rather curt reaction from Boeing deputy program manager Elizabeth Lund to Bloomberg, "With an A380, you run the risk of not filling every seat whenever you fly."
Fightin' talk starts, the game is on.

Round 2: Length

Boeing 747-8: 76 meters
Airbus A380: 72.72 meters
The Boeing is 3.28 meters longer than the Airbus, officially making it the longest commercial plane in the world right now.
Oh, that's good. Who cares how many passengers you can carry -- anything that can be called "the world's longest" is a winner. Boeing slugs back.

Round 3: Internal cabin width

Boeing 747-8: 6.1 meters
Airbus A380: 6.54 meters
The Intercontinental has the same cabin width as its predecessor (the Boeing 747-400), but claims to be able to carry 51 more passengers due to its extra length of 18.3 feet.
However, Airbus execs have pointed out that the 747-8 has yet to pass evacuation tests.
"I am going to be taking that aircraft one day," Airbus chief operating officer John Leahy told Dow Jones. "I want to be sure that you can get out of it in an emergency."
To this, Boeing spokesman Jim Proulx responded that the plane will meet all certification standards for emergency evacuation.

Round 4: Price

Boeing 747-8: US$317.5 million
Airbus A380: US$375.3 million
The Airbus A380-800 sells for nearly US$58 million more than the new Boeing as of January this year, depending on customization and engine.
That's not exactly small change. It means for every five A380s you buy you could get six 747-8s.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-08-2016, 04:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post

BTW, Zeke, I do have a 747 that I'm selling because of some safety issues but for a cheap $100,000 investment, it will be perfectly adequate for your needs.
This is a real deal! I understand there was some damage to the undercarriage? You had all the repairs done after you bought the jet?



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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-08-2016, 05:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
God Bless you all. The Lear Jets that I have to put up with at the moment are embarrassing to both Jesus and myself. I've had my heart set on an Airbus A380 for quite awhile now....Unless of course you think that I'm not worth it....





Of course I'd have to have all this clutter torn out so I can have the plane designed for my comfort.




Thank you all for your suggestions, but as I mentioned months ago, I have my heart set on a brand new Airbus A380. So than that's settled.

It needs to be ordered, redesigned, fitted out to my specifications, and gassed up and ready to go by January 20, 2017, aka The Day Donald Trump is sworn in to become America's 45th President.

Is that clear?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-08-2016, 08:59 PM

If there was ever any question as to why Pastors need private jet aircraft, these Pastors give witness in no uncertain terms. As a Pastor of the only True Christian™ Church anywhere, Pastor Zeke deserves the best.

Praise Jesus!

Quote:
Prosperity preachers claim private planes prevent flying with 'demons' on commercial airlines
by Gregory Tomlin - 01 January, 2016

FORT WORTH, Texas (Christian Examiner) – Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis – both multi-millionaire preachers of the "name it and claim it" prosperity gospel – have taken to the air to explain their need for private luxury jets, in part because they travel to so many locations weekly, but also so they won't have to fly with "demons."

Duplantis said in a five minute video clip Dec. 30 (begin at 2:08) that God revealed to him the need for the private jet in the midst of a flight in his plane, just after a meeting with fellow prosperity preacher Creflo Dollar – the minister who this summer produced a slick marketing video asking his followers to donate $60 million for a new jet.

The board of directors for Dollar's ministry later apologized for the video, but insisted the luxury aircraft was a legitimate need for the minister.

Duplantis said in the segment, which originally aired on the Kenneth Copeland Ministries website, that God asked him if he liked his plane.

"As I was going home, the Lord, real quickly, he said, 'Jesse, do you like your plane?" Duplantis said. "I thought, 'That's an odd statement.' I said, 'Well, certainly, Lord.' He said, 'Do you really like it?' And I thought, 'Well, yes, Lord.' Then he said this: 'So that's it? You gonna let your faith stagnate?'"

Duplantis said the comment shocked him, causing him to unbuckle his seatbelt and stand up in the plane. The pilots, he then said, asked him if he needed something.

"I said, 'No, no, I'm talking to God right now.'"

The message, Duplantis began to explain, was that God wanted him to have more. Copeland then interrupted Duplantis, saying, "You can't do that [talk to God] on an (commercial) airplane."

"The world is in such a shape that we can't get there without this. We've got to have this (private jet)," Copeland said. "That's why we're on that (private) airplane. We can talk to God."

….

Copeland concluded that he and Duplantis, along with a litany of other prosperity preachers, were in the "soul business."

"We got a dying world around us. We got a dying nation around us. And we can't even get there on an airline," Copeland said.

http://www.christianexaminer.com/art...ines/49993.htm



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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-09-2016, 02:23 AM

You podunks here really make me laugh. You guys could not afford the parking fees for a Jet let alone the other associated costs. Might be best to stick with that '56 Massey-Furgeson seeder behind a '79 F-150 for hauling that Hellhound ass of 'Pastor' Zeke's from the trailer park to court each day!

Now The Pope, on the other hand, could easily afford to run a slick little Gulfstream G650 anywhere he wants but His holiness really does not need to.

Why?

Most of the time he just sits in his Papal apartment, closes his eyes and voila! He arrives where needed... slicker than deer guts on a doorknob and thank-you Jesus!

Sure, he will take a commercial flight now and then for the sake of appearance but think about it (I know, the thinking part gets tricky for you folks)... doesn't his Holiness seem to magically appear where he is wanted, which is everywhere?

Indeed he does!

If you American swindlers need a jet to get some face time with Jesus I can assure you that, much like Miss Daisy says, you are doing it all wrong, all of the time.



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Rebuke Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-09-2016, 03:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester View Post
You podunks here really make me laugh. You guys could not afford the parking fees for a Jet let alone the other associated costs. Might be best to stick with that '56 Massey-Furgeson seeder behind a '79 F-150 for hauling that Hellhound ass of 'Pastor' Zeke's from the trailer park to court each day!

Now The Pope, on the other hand, could easily afford to run a slick little Gulfstream G650 anywhere he wants but His holiness really does not need to.

Why?

Most of the time he just sits in his Papal apartment, closes his eyes and voila! He arrives where needed... slicker than deer guts on a doorknob and thank-you Jesus!

Sure, he will take a commercial flight now and then for the sake of appearance but think about it (I know, the thinking part gets tricky for you folks)... doesn't his Holiness seem to magically appear where he is wanted, which is everywhere?

Indeed he does!

If you American swindlers need a jet to get some face time with Jesus I can assure you that, much like Miss Daisy says, you are doing it all wrong, all of the time.

Bless you, my Sopwith Camels in an F-35 world,
Father Mo


.
Mr. Lester,

I was very, very worried about you. Based on this fantasy of yours, I almost gave you secular advice. I was on the brink of suggesting you seek the help of a common psychiatrist, as you seemed to have lost it in a way that defies even all the most repulsive Catholic imagination. I thought that as Jesus cannot really help you any more, the atheist physicians could at least saturate your bodily fluids with haloperidol or clozapine and make you docile while you wait for your entry into the Furnace (Matthew 13:50).

However, as a Creation Scientist I am unbiased, and I investigated the matter of Catholicks and teleportation as as it turns out, this is not your personal fantasy but shared by your religious community. This theme occurs frequently on your forums.

Now, we know that teleportation did occur when our Lord utilized it.

Mark 16:12
After that he appeared in another form unto two of them, as they walked, and went into the country.

Mark 16:14
Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen.

Two alternatives:
  1. Frances is delusional and thinks he can usurp Jesus and by definition you who are infatuated by him have to believe him or his militia called the Isis will chop your top areas off.
  2. Frances and the other Catholicks mentioned on your forums can teleport as Jesus was actually not the only one in the Bible that made apparitions. Frances could get help from an expected source.
Matthew 4:5
Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple,

Pastor Ezekiel is a man of God. Frances is a drug addict. There is a difference. Please, Mr Lester. Get help!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: The New Jet Aircraft for Pastor Zeke Committee. - 01-09-2016, 04:32 AM

In accordance with Jesus' command, I will not be announcing that I donated $1,000,000 toward Zeke's new jet.

Matthew 6:1 Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Read more
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