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Reload this Page My welcome thread i guess.
The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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Robert Jackson Robert Jackson is offline
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Love Jesus My welcome thread i guess. - 11-08-2019, 01:22 PM

Hello everyone! im RObert Jackson and i dont know why the website says im unsaved trash im a true christian!. I signed up for this website back in 2018 but i couldn't post because i found out my son was playing overwatch!!! i promptly took the computre outside and chopped it up with an axe to get rid of the sin in my home. I love jesus with all of my hart. i look forward to talking with othre christians like me.
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Jesus Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-08-2019, 01:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Jackson View Post
Hello everyone! im RObert Jackson and i dont know why the website says im unsaved trash im a true christian!. I signed up for this website back in 2018 but i couldn't post because i found out my son was playing overwatch!!! i promptly took the computre outside and chopped it up with an axe to get rid of the sin in my home. I love jesus with all of my hart. i look forward to talking with othre christians like me.

'Your welcome thread, you guess'???
Missy, Christianity is not some disposable edible panty you wear after eating messican food. It is a lifetime commitment to Christ. Are you a special king of retard?


First of all, this is NOT a debate forum. We're right and you're wrong, according to Jesus and the Holy Word of God. Please read THIS thread before making an even bigger fool of yourself.

Secondly, while the internets might seem to be "free" to you, this particular corner of the internets is a privately owned Christian forum. The rights you have on this forum are listed
HERE. Please contact a Pastor immediately if you feel that any of your rights have been violated.

Finally, your unsaved opinions or tantrums are not even slightly of interest to us. We follow the Holy Word of God TO THE LETTER, and make no apologies for that. One of the most important commandments in the Bible tells us to avoid unsaved scum such as yourself. You wandered in here
uninvited, and unwelcome .

If you want to debate people,
THIS is the place to go.

Please make a thread of your own in the "
Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at
THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to
hellfire.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Basilissa Basilissa is online now
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-08-2019, 02:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Jackson View Post
im RObert... i dont... im unsaved trash im a true christian!. i... computre... jesus... hart. i... othre christians
If you really are Christian, you should pray to Jesus to cure your dyslexia (or whatever other demon makes you write so poorly).

Also - since 2018, you haven't figured out yet that the instructions were on the top of this page?

Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.
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Johny Joe Hold Johny Joe Hold is offline
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-08-2019, 02:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Jackson View Post
. I signed up for this website back in 2018 but i couldn't post because i found out my son was playing overwatch!!! i promptly took the computre outside and chopped it up with an axe to get rid of the sin in my home.
Your grammar and typing indicate stress and overwork to me. Perhaps you should take a little time off from posting here.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Isabella White Isabella White is offline
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-08-2019, 04:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Jackson View Post
Hello everyone! im RObert Jackson and i dont know why the website says im unsaved trash im a true christian!. I signed up for this website back in 2018 but i couldn't post because i found out my son was playing overwatch!!! i promptly took the computre outside and chopped it up with an axe to get rid of the sin in my home. I love jesus with all of my hart. i look forward to talking with othre christians like me.
Greetings, Mr. Jackson, and to you I extend a warm . I hope you won't mind my saying, but, goodness gracious, it's taken you long enough to reach out to us, seeing as your account was created months ago. However, better late than never, I suppose, and it's never too late to ask the to forgive you from your appalling, horrid sins, and to wash you as white as snow with shed .

Now then, as our dear Sister Basilissa has noted, so kindly, it is noted that you have failed to provide the information that we have asked, so cordially, at the top of our Introduction Forum. Kindly refer to her message to see, exactly, what it is that we would like for you to share with us.

As for your typographical errors, I suppose I could attribute that to your probable use of one of those eye-phone thingies. In future, however, please take care to ensure that your messages on are without error. It's not that we're a fussy bunch here, but we do have our standards. This, I am sure, you will understand.
We look forward to studying the glorious with you, Mr. Jackson.

Sincerely, Isabella W.



Lift ye then your voices;
Swell the mighty flood;
Louder still and louder
Praise the precious .
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Emily Brent Emily Brent is offline
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Emily Brent is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Emily Brent is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-08-2019, 07:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Jackson View Post
i found out my son was playing overwatch!!! i promptly took the computre outside and chopped it up with an axe to get rid of the sin in my home.
Very foolish of you Robert? Do you know what happens when metal comes in contact with a powered device? You're lucky you didn't get electrocuted. don't believe me??? Try putting a spoon in an electrical socket. Voila. You're welcome.


The wicked flee when no man pursueth- Proverbs 28:1

Spelling and wording corrected by friendly moderator but approved by Emily Brent herself.
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Basilissa Basilissa is online now
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-08-2019, 09:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
Very foolish of you Robert? Do you know what happens when metal comes in contact with a powered device?
Sweetie, I doubt the computer was still turned on after the man took it outdoors.

Unless it was a laptop. Would sparks come out when chopping a powered (running on internal battery) laptop? The experiment has been conducted and the answer is no. It's a long video filmed by a whiny primadonna, so you'll want to skip the first half:



And speaking of dads - how is yours doing? Instead of crying over the inevitable, have you made funeral arrangements for him? (You might start thinking about your own funeral arrangements, too; at your age, you never know!)
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Emily Brent Emily Brent is offline
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-13-2019, 07:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Would sparks come out when chopping a powered (running on internal battery) laptop? The experiment has been conducted and the answer is no.
The answer is; do!

One must try for themselves. The Bible does not endorse the scientific method. That be said. Life is the great adventure; why not find out for yourself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post

And speaking of dads - how is yours doing? Instead of crying over the inevitable, have you made funeral arrangements for him? (You might start thinking about your own funeral arrangements, too; at your age, you never know!)

I have no wish for a funeral. For my dear father, I tremble before God that said tremblings will cease, and my feelings for Dear Pop will extinguish on his deathbed. Can love exist beyond the grave? Jesus seems to say yes.


1 John 3:14


We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.


It seems to be the purest form of love, one foot out of the grave, into life once more itself. Feelings for Pa will be an endless maelstrom henceforth.


The wicked flee when no man pursueth- Proverbs 28:1

Spelling and wording corrected by friendly moderator but approved by Emily Brent herself.
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-13-2019, 10:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
I have no wish for a funeral. For my dear father, I tremble before God that said tremblings will cease, and my feelings for Dear Pop will extinguish on his deathbed. Can love exist beyond the grave? Jesus seems to say yes.


1 John 3:14


We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.


It seems to be the purest form of love, one foot out of the grave, into life once more itself. Feelings for Pa will be an endless maelstrom henceforth.
Unless I am mistaken, loving your "Dear Pop" while he was alive wasn't a worthwhile risk, let alone once he's expired.


Luke 14: 26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea and his owne life also, hee cannot be my disciple.

But then Jesus does specify "man", so there's that. Maybe women get a pass on that. I had no problem hating my dad, in Jesus' name.
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Jesus Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-13-2019, 10:40 PM

Dear RObert:

I assume you are a Brit, since you spelled computer wrong just like they spell meter and license and favor wrong. Jesus can heal you of this AT THE SAME TIME he cleanses your soul from the vile sexual sins and child abuse that you have been committing for years.

You are not a True Christian ™ until declared so by our Department of Faith after extensive investigation. Until you humble yourself before God Almighty and follow His precepts, all we can do is point you to the answer for all of life’s questions: The Holy Bible.

It will warm your heart to know that I have added you to my prayer list so that twice yearly I will bombard the Throne of God with your name. Shout Hallelujah!


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Basilissa Basilissa is online now
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-14-2019, 05:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
The answer is; do!

One must try for themselves. The Bible does not endorse the scientific method. That be said. Life is the great adventure; why not find out for yourself?
Because I have more interesting things to do with my life. However, if you don't have anything else to do, go for it!

Quote:
I have no wish for a funeral.
So what will it be? ashes scattered to sea? Body left to be devoured by scavengers?


Quote:
For my dear father, I tremble before God that said tremblings will cease, and my feelings for Dear Pop will extinguish on his deathbed.
Mr. Darren has already expressed what Jesus has to say about it.
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Emily Brent Emily Brent is offline
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-14-2019, 05:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
So what will it be? ashes scattered to sea? Body left to be devoured by scavengers?


I wish for my body coated in honey -- strained through a muslin bag - *drip* *drip* *drip* I love honey.


Before this is done to my carcass, I wish for my skin to be stripped from the bone, tanned and leather-bound into a ancestral copy of the KJV Bible to be passed down to kin.


My honey born corpse will be cleaned by flies devouring muscle and sinew.


I wish for my bones to be anointed for theatrical productions - for enactment of Ezekiel 37:1-14.


The wicked flee when no man pursueth- Proverbs 28:1

Spelling and wording corrected by friendly moderator but approved by Emily Brent herself.
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Basilissa Basilissa is online now
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-14-2019, 05:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
I wish for my body coated in honey -- strained through a muslin bag - *drip* *drip* *drip* I love honey.


Before this is done to my carcass, I wish for my skin to be stripped from the bone, tanned and leather-bound into a ancestral copy of the KJV Bible to be passed down to kin.

My honey born corpse will be cleaned by flies devouring muscle and sinew.

I wish for my bones to be anointed for theatrical productions - for enactment of Ezekiel 37:1-14.
That's a very specific (and somewhat odd) wish. You forgot to mention, what do you want done with the hair, fat, brain, and intestines? Ancient Egyptians used to store the brain and intestines in jars apart from but in close vicinity to the mummified bodies.
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-15-2019, 01:24 AM

Continuing the suite of delegating my corpse for the extended purpose of sharing the Good News:

My locks will be darned into wigs for puppets, intended for recreating Biblical stories in a visually appeasing way for children to come to Jesus.

Any left over skin not used for the bound Bible will be repurposed for said finger puppets instead.


Unfortunately, years of a stern disposition has left me bereft of any bodily tallow that would be of use to anyone.


Intestines I cannot think of use for, they can be discarded.


The wicked flee when no man pursueth- Proverbs 28:1

Spelling and wording corrected by friendly moderator but approved by Emily Brent herself.
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-15-2019, 02:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
Continuing the suite of delegating my corpse for the extended purpose of sharing the Good News:

My locks will be darned into wigs for puppets, intended for recreating Biblical stories in a visually appeasing way for children to come to Jesus.

Any left over skin not used for the bound Bible will be repurposed for said finger puppets instead.

Unfortunately, years of a stern disposition has left me bereft of any bodily tallow that would be of use to anyone.

Intestines I cannot think of use for, they can be discarded.
Thank you, Miss Brent. I shall put this in my TMI file (Too Much Information).

Sincerely, Isabella W.



Lift ye then your voices;
Swell the mighty flood;
Louder still and louder
Praise the precious .
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-15-2019, 03:39 PM

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Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
Intestines I cannot think of use for, they can be discarded.
Based on what you shared about yourself so far, I imagine that you must have 20 or more cats living with you. I'm sure that if you leave your intestines for them, they will find a use for them.
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-15-2019, 03:52 PM

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Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Based on what you shared about yourself so far, I imagine that you must have 20 or more cats living with you. I'm sure that if you leave your intestines for them, they will find a use for them.
Hello dear, quite the contrary, I have but one cat, Isadora. I do have a handful of orphan girls I've taken in, as an self-started endeavour; Miss Brent's Moral Education of Girls of the Lower Order. Girls must be taught modesty and decency, otherwise, this world, the problem with today is we shall be overrun with babies all squealing to be fed. Do not mistake me, I am not an abortionist. My ship is ruled by firm chastity and a firm tongue.


I doubt they would have use of my intestines.


The wicked flee when no man pursueth- Proverbs 28:1

Spelling and wording corrected by friendly moderator but approved by Emily Brent herself.
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-15-2019, 03:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
Based on what you shared about yourself so far, I imagine that you must have 20 or more cats living with you. I'm sure that if you leave your intestines for them, they will find a use for them.
Or if she contacts a maker of early music instruments (lutes, viols, perhaps rebecs?), they are always in need of material for strings.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-15-2019, 03:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Or if she contacts a maker of early music instruments (lutes, viols, perhaps rebecs?), they are always in need of material for strings.
My hamstrings do produce an excellent B flat, I do not see why not.

(I'm sorry to see you've declined my friendship offer Basilissa. Mind you, I extended out of courtesy. I do not have need for friends. Only my Saviour, Jesus.)


The wicked flee when no man pursueth- Proverbs 28:1

Spelling and wording corrected by friendly moderator but approved by Emily Brent herself.
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Default Re: My welcome thread i guess. - 11-15-2019, 04:35 PM

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Originally Posted by Emily Brent View Post
Hello dear, quite the contrary, I have but one cat, Isadora. I do have a handful of orphan girls I've taken in, as an self-started endeavour; Miss Brent's Moral Education of Girls of the Lower Order.
If they are not cats, how much lower order are we talking about? Rats? Cockroaches?!?

Quote:
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(I'm sorry to see you've declined my friendship offer Basilissa. Mind you, I extended out of courtesy. I do not have need for friends. Only my Saviour, Jesus.)
I apologize that I have hurt you to such an extent that you felt you had to bring it up in an unrelated conversation. However, as a delicate female I feel that it is not in my eternal soul's best interest to mingle with such a... colorful individual as yourself.
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