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Youthful soldier of Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 86
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Land of Chavs, England
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Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 05:38 PM
Whilst scouring the UnGodly internet as usual, and whilst averting my eyes to the usual filth, I came across THIS...
http://www.daregothic.co.uk/devilution.htm
This little wicker get together is happening TONIGHT and literally 20 MILES away from my dear little home!!
I am determined to show them His Word and send half of these little goth wickers to the firey depths of Hell, but none of my other lovely True Christian neighbours are around tonight (a dinner party if I recall...) and I'd rather not face ALL of those wickers alone!!!
Any advice on how to suitably go about doing His Work and ridding these little wickers of their little Satan Worshipping rituals?
~Rain
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 05:46 PM
Be strong, Sister Rain! If I myself weren't so heavily involved in my Christmas Shopping/Gift Wrapping/Eggnog Making, I'd hang around here longer to think of something you could do about it!
PS MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 05:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain
Whilst scouring the UnGodly internet as usual, and whilst averting my eyes to the usual filth, I came across THIS...
http://www.daregothic.co.uk/devilution.htm
This little wicker get together is happening TONIGHT and literally 20 MILES away from my dear little home!!
I am determined to show them His Word and send half of these little goth wickers to the firey depths of Hell, but none of my other lovely True Christian neighbours are around tonight (a dinner party if I recall...) and I'd rather not face ALL of those wickers alone!!!
Any advice on how to suitably go about doing His Work and ridding these little wickers of their little Satan Worshipping rituals?
~Rain
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God Hates Truro, that's for sure. England will end up an international pariah if we allow things like this to continue. Having said that, it did say they play requests... I'd say your best bet is to try and find something so depressing it'll cause a mass suicide (and considering they'll all be a bunch of sinful goths and emos to start off with, it shouldn't be too difficult), or some music so Godly as to drive the demons out of them. I'd say maybe something along the lines of Suicide (A Better Way) by Choking Victim for the first option, or you could try and track down a recording of some Psalms for the second.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 05:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
... I'd say your best bet is to try and find something so depressing it'll cause a mass suicide (and considering they'll all be a bunch of sinful goths and emos to start off with, it shouldn't be too difficult), or some music so Godly as to drive the demons out of them.
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I don't know a lot about anything that isn't American, but might I recommend God Shave the Queen? That ought to cover both bases.
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Youthful soldier of Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 86
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Land of Chavs, England
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 06:18 PM
I will be strong and find so many depressing songs to play, the dancefloor will be stained red from all the mass suicide!!
Hmm, I hope they don't notice that I'm not one of them...may the Lord protect my soul!!
~Rain
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True Christian™ Theologian
Forum Member
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Posts: 3,979
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 06:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain
I will be strong and find so many depressing songs to play, the dancefloor will be stained red from all the mass suicide!!
Hmm, I hope they don't notice that I'm not one of them...may the Lord protect my soul!!
~Rain
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I'll be praying for you, sister.
You show those wretched goths just how much the Lord loves them!
If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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On Extended Furlough
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,784
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 07:01 PM
Here's a thought for you, why not just add some rat poison to the punchbowl, and plant a suicide note on one of the victims attendees, talking about how a bunch of them had decided that life wasn't worth living because they were freaks shut away from God, and they decided to go straight to Hell right away and get a head start on their everlasting punishment?
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 07:02 PM
Where is this party again? Ipswitch?
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Professor of English Landover University
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,501
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ministering to the Liebral Godless of New Zealand
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 07:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
Where is this party again? Ipswitch?
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Wherever it is Pastor the line-up of depraved creatures involved beggars the imagination:
Pictures for those strong in the faith only:
Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Professor of English Landover University
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,501
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ministering to the Liebral Godless of New Zealand
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 07:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
Where is this party again? Ipswitch?
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May the good Lord preserve us! I cannot look at those galleries there on that page any longer.
Ipswich? How are we off for tactical nuclear weapons in the Landover armoury, Pastor? We could solve this proplem without Sister Rain have to risk life and limb venturing near the place?
Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 07:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enobarbus
May the good Lord preserve us! I cannot look at those galleries there on that page any longer.
Ipswich? How are we off for tactical nuclear weapons in the Landover armoury, Pastor? We could solve this proplem without Sister Rain have to risk life and limb venturing near the place?
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I was going to put the new Ipswitch slasher on the job. Why waste our own resources on GODforsaken Britishers?
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 08:00 PM
Argh... I only just realised the full Ungodly Darwinian implications of the name! Can anyone still deny that the opponents of Creation Science take their orders directly from Satan?
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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On Extended Furlough
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,784
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 08:03 PM
I cannot help but notice that one of the gothtards (in the top right photo, foreground) has a TAN. As we know, gothtards all think they're vampires, or want to be vampires, so they never go in the sun!
Is it possible there's already an infiltrator in their midst? Rain, perhaps you can track down this fellow and uncover his secret plans!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-15-2006, 11:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enobarbus
May the good Lord preserve us! I cannot look at those galleries there on that page any longer.
Ipswich? How are we off for tactical nuclear weapons in the Landover armoury, Pastor? We could solve this proplem without Sister Rain have to risk life and limb venturing near the place?
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The place looks small enough. Sister Rain is quite adept with that double-barrel shotgun she won last year for memorizing the old testament. I'd say a well-placed volley of buckshot should do the trick.
We ARE on a budget Brother Eno. Those TNW's cost a pretty penny.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,387
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-16-2006, 02:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enobarbus
May the good Lord preserve us! I cannot look at those galleries there on that page any longer.
Ipswich? How are we off for tactical nuclear weapons in the Landover armoury, Pastor? We could solve this proplem without Sister Rain have to risk life and limb venturing near the place?
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AH! yesterday I was about to remember that tithing is only remembered when the need arises!
Had people tithed in time and our PASTORS could have bought a small nuclear arsenal giving us a shield on these ocasions and preserving those instruments so pleasent to GOD in their rightful hands (and not accidentaly far from slimy mess slums)
PRAISE THE LORD AND PUSH THE BUTON!
But the courage of our sister will be remembered in the first service after JESUS calls her.
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Youthful soldier of Christ
True Christian™
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Posts: 86
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Land of Chavs, England
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-16-2006, 01:16 PM
...PRAISE TO THE LORD!! for He saw fit to watch over me in my duty last night ridding that Godless city of all those heathens!!
I made sure I kept my shotgun nice and safe underneath the hideous disguse I had to wear to get in, but fortunately it was a 'masquerade' gathering or something, so I was able to hide my identity behind a suitable mask.
Unfortunately, the so called 'DJ' was not up for playing with my plan of a few suitably suicidal numbers to get those whining wickers off hanging themselves. (I was hoping some of them might throw themselves off of the second floor onto the dancefloor.) So instead I took the wise words of Brother OnYourKnees, and I slipped as much poison into as many drinks as possible!! They were beginning to drop like flies, until one of those damned gothtards noticed that something was wrong and began to panic.
Within minutes the whole place was panicking as all the wickers began casting Satanic rituals and the gothtards were running around screaming. So I grabbed my shotgun, fired at as many as I could, and then I got the hell out of there!! Luckily I only suffered a few cuts and bruises as I was able to shoot away any of the gothtards that came near me!!
PRAISE TO THE LORD that more of those filthy heathens are now burning in the firey depths of HELL!!
~Rain
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-16-2006, 01:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain
...PRAISE TO THE LORD!! for He saw fit to watch over me in my duty last night ridding that Godless city of all those heathens!!
I made sure I kept my shotgun nice and safe underneath the hideous disguse I had to wear to get in, but fortunately it was a 'masquerade' gathering or something, so I was able to hide my identity behind a suitable mask.
Unfortunately, the so called 'DJ' was not up for playing with my plan of a few suitably suicidal numbers to get those whining wickers off hanging themselves. (I was hoping some of them might throw themselves off of the second floor onto the dancefloor.) So instead I took the wise words of Brother OnYourKnees, and I slipped as much poison into as many drinks as possible!! They were beginning to drop like flies, until one of those damned gothtards noticed that something was wrong and began to panic.
Within minutes the whole place was panicking as all the wickers began casting Satanic rituals and the gothtards were running around screaming. So I grabbed my shotgun, fired at as many as I could, and then I got the hell out of there!! Luckily I only suffered a few cuts and bruises as I was able to shoot away any of the gothtards that came near me!!
PRAISE TO THE LORD that more of those filthy heathens are now burning in the firey depths of HELL!!
~Rain
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What a fine, upstanding True Christian female. We are all proud of you. Now run and get me a cold beer, girl.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,387
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-16-2006, 05:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
What a fine, upstanding True Christian female. We are all proud of you. Now run and get me a cold beer, girl.
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Yet...
Good pastor does she not have a TRUE CHRISTIAN HUSBAND to kill spiders and witches around the house?
Even admiting that he shotgun is almost a woman's weapon (true men use assalt rifles or RPG's) I do have doubt's about letting those prety but brainless little creatures around anything more dangerous than a kitchen knife.
Talking about kitchens, what was our sister doing out of hers? and dressed as those heathens?!?!
But the poison in the drinks part was nice, reminded them of Deutheronomy 32:33
Their wine is the poison of dragons, and the cruel venom of asps.
That will teach them!
PRAISE THE LORD!
p.s. I'm still wondering about the fund raising for tactical nuke.... tithe time I might sugest?
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On Extended Furlough
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,784
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-16-2006, 08:20 PM
Indeed, Rain, you are a perfect example of what a clever* Christian woman can do in time of need. My only misgiving is that you were forced to do this, rather than baking treats for the True Christian menfolk handling the deeds for you.
Alas, you are a single voice, crying in the wilderness. It is time for you to work to Save suitable males in your town; perhaps one will even choose to marry you!
*Let us remember that while the True Christian woman is not clever compared to the True Christian man, she is still far superior to the Unsaved woman and, in many cases, on a par with the Unsaved man. I believe Dr. Ville mentioned research underway on this very topic to determine whether there is truth to this observation, or if we have merely run across a string of particularly stupid Unsaved men recently.
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Yes, THAT Brother Love!
True Christian™
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Posts: 403
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Wherever Jesus Needs to Save Souls!!
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Re: Oh dear LORD...Help!!! -
12-17-2006, 02:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rain
...PRAISE TO THE LORD!! for He saw fit to watch over me in my duty last night ridding that Godless city of all those heathens!!
I made sure I kept my shotgun nice and safe underneath the hideous disguse I had to wear to get in, but fortunately it was a 'masquerade' gathering or something, so I was able to hide my identity behind a suitable mask.
Unfortunately, the so called 'DJ' was not up for playing with my plan of a few suitably suicidal numbers to get those whining wickers off hanging themselves. (I was hoping some of them might throw themselves off of the second floor onto the dancefloor.) So instead I took the wise words of Brother OnYourKnees, and I slipped as much poison into as many drinks as possible!! They were beginning to drop like flies, until one of those damned gothtards noticed that something was wrong and began to panic.
Within minutes the whole place was panicking as all the wickers began casting Satanic rituals and the gothtards were running around screaming. So I grabbed my shotgun, fired at as many as I could, and then I got the hell out of there!! Luckily I only suffered a few cuts and bruises as I was able to shoot away any of the gothtards that came near me!!
PRAISE TO THE LORD that more of those filthy heathens are now burning in the firey depths of HELL!!
~Rain
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Praise the Lord, Rain!! Thank Jesus you are safe and sound. Truly you is a GOOD SOLDIER FOR CHRIST JESUS!! No doubts 'bout that. I can see clearly from what you say that it was the HOLY SPIRIT pulling that trigger on your shotgun for the sake of the LORD ALMIGHTY. Thank God ya got more of those FILTHY HEATHENS and they ARE burning in HELL rit now!!
PRAISE THE LORD!!
Evangelist for Jesus and The Word!!
"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." Matthew 7:15
"Prayer should be your first resource. Not your last resort!!"
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